10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Two and a half days left of ye olde bank job. It's weird to be leaving, really really weird. It's weird to be doing all the things I'm doing right now, like shopping and buying and more shopping and not feeling guilt about it. I'm so busy with the shopping I'm barely tingly over my new computer. I feel like I should be riddled with spending guilt and I can't decide if that's good or bad. I don't want to feel guilty about buying things I need to buy but I don't want to runaway with the feeling and get myself into debt again. Never Never Never. It's a very transitional time for me.

I feel this need to bolster myself for this change. Bolster is probably a bad choice of words there, I guess I just mean I want to be prepared. It feels a little like graduating from junior high and looking forward to being a new person in high school. You want to fit in with the cool kids and wear cool clothes and be funny and smart and blah blah blah. I feel a little like an impostor. It's not that I really believe that the right clothes will make the difference but I want to feel confident going in. I'm the administrator for a bunch of creative types. Adorable creative types who are also skinny.

My counterpart is extremely cute, cute in that slightly bed ruffled hippie designer sort of way. I totally want to be her. I have to accept that I'm not and also that really deep down I don't want to be her I just want to be a better version of me. I don't have the bed ruffled hippie thing going on, I'm more of a clean lines and casual elegance sort of girl and there's no reason not to embrace that now that I can. It feels like an opportunity to reinvent myself. Not completely, just enough to move forward and leave some crap behind. I'm ready to leave some crap behind, and definitely the uninspired weight losing wardrobe of inadequacy. Is this post really all about clothes? No, it's about other stuff too but mostly I want to feel good about myself moving forward.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

"is your card secure?"

I just bought my fancy pants new imac and discover thinks my card was lost or stolen. I guess that means I've been doing a good job sticking to my budget lately. I placed the order and tonight probably I'll place the order for my work computer. Just think of all those Gap giftcards I can earn with my discover points, I'm practically salivating. Maybe I'm just hungry. I haven't felt like eating lately and I wonder if it's the anxiety or the excitement or simply the depression wearing off. I guess I'll find out in a few weeks when I'm either so busy I'm stress eating or having to wear suspenders to keep my pants up. It'll be a scientific study.

I'm right now helping a colleague write a resume. My boss will probably have a breakdown. They had almost decided not to replace me and now they'll be down two tellers. Uh oh. Very happily not my problem. I'm going to have enough trouble hoping my Jamaicans are able to come for the season. I'm gonna learn all about visas and the horrible mess the gov has created this summer, it's going to be crazy. I don't know who they think is going to take the place of that many seasonal workers in this area, I just don't know.

I'm trying to knock out all the personal things I need to do before I start work for real on Monday. So far I've opened my Roth IRA, ordered my computer, cleaned up my desk, I still have to get wireless set up and a router bought so I can use said fancy pants computer at home and also see if my changing jobs counts as a life event to add myself to Matt's insurance. It's a lot to arrange while pretending to work. I'm not even counting the dishes that need to be washed. I'm tempted to toss them all and start over, or use the cloven hooved paper. Maybe I'll get styrofoam just to enhance the scandal!

Monday, February 25, 2008

"Brace the gate!"

Amongst my continuing efforts to ge a grown up I've started washing my face properly every night. I'm using special fancy face soap and everything. I'm also using special night face cream because I have apparently gone wild with my itty amount of disposable income. If I'm honest about it I have to admit that all this work and product nonsense has really made a difference. My skin is better off under the new regime. What gets me about the whole thing is the name of the moisturizer; fortifying night cream. Every night I feel like I'm fighting the battle of Helms Deep and the Orcs are about to breach the keep. It's very swordy, my imagination. I suppose I should be greatful for anything that holds my interest in such a mundane task. That and the glowing nubile skin.

I'm still enjoying my 173 and change but I didn't get even a minute of planned exercise this week. I walked all over the mall though, that must count for something. It's weird to have to buy casual clothes and you know, I hardly need mention, that there was nothing worth buying. Lovely office wear of course. I give myself permission to spend on casual wear for work and lo and behold the gap is all pink khakis and horizontal stripe sweaters. I also did something monumentally stupid to one of my two pairs of fitting jeans...I painted a door wearing them. The jeans now feature the unique Ralph Lauren blue splatter pattern to be seen on all runways this spring. So I started the weekend looking for outfits and actually finished with fewer options than I started with. Wooh!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Does this job make me look skinny?

173.8 hot damn. I'm too busy to eat. Busy and anxious. I've also been too busy to exercise. I have it on my list for today but I don't have great hopes of accomplishing anything spectacular. What I really have to do is get some new jeans and more casual shirts. I hate that I have to but I really do, this is a casual job and I only have two pairs of jeans. As we know I've been saving up for smaller sizes and also for fancy work clothes. It pains me to be buying more 12's (maybe not, I'll have to test drive some sizes) when I have a feeling this job is going to help me lose weight. It's probably fatal for me to mention it but I have good reason. For one I won't be eating crap because I'm bored because I'm not going to be bored. Two because I'll be at the gym first thing every morning.

I'm checking out gyms next week, I need one that opens early so Matt and I can still carpool. Apparently there's a hotel that offers memberships to their gym for cheap cheap and that would be perfect. I don't need a super fancy gym...just a treadmill or an elyptical to get some morning cardio. I just realized that I could even run on the trails at work when it's nice out and shower there and not have to be at the gym every day. It would rock to run on nice soft ground with my dodgy knee. Man, I love this job more and more every minute.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

"I feel very temporary about myself"

I decided to paint a door the other night. Tonight I decided to paint the hallway and the bathroom. I finally feel inspired to do things and it's totally and completely because of this opportunity.

That was written, barely even a taste of a post, late last night before my internet connection withered and died. I'm right now selecting a new apple ibook. I love tax deductions and apparently I have to hit 5000 so I'm buying a nice one. Then a new camera and then some jeans because not only can I afford it but all of those things are relevant to my job now. I'm so glad I don't have a wardrobe of work clothes, it would now be defunct. Where was I going with the above, I was going to a place where I'm really happy and nervous and crazy about the new job. We're going steady. I'm totally wearing it's class ring.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

"Is that your name or your profession?"

Hey, you know that job I kept ooohing and aaahing over, I done got it. I really know my way around an intro, I have a talent for subtly...it's my trade mark. I'm very excited. Crazy excited. I'm going over tomorrow night to start getting my bearings. Posting might be a little light but then I might be overflowing with the news and the sharing. I guess we'll see. Thanks for all the happy thoughts, I really think it helped!

Quick Quick, before someone sees!

175.4 which is definitely progress. Thank Christ. That 176 was getting old. Really old. Old like how my car is stuffed to the sunroof with dryer sheets because that's supposed to drive away the mice. Car, drive, heh. Anyway it stinks and the mice better think so too otherwise it's a waste of my nostrils. Mountain fresh my ass. Dryer sheets are awful and I hate them. Matt is a big fan but I buy him the environmentally soft pedalling ones to assuage my guilt. He thought the uber sniff ones would be better for mouse hunting so I had to buy some extra strength ones expecially for this project. They actually have a smell-o-meter on the packaging. It goes up to four but none of the packages actually rated that high. I have a feeling it's like they're trying to tell us they could be smellier and they're holding back for our benefit but I really wanted the extra smelly ones. The super toxic deluxe would have been perfect but I'm stuck with a stupid three. Hopefully it's like going up to eleven and three is the real four and mostly I just want the mice to stop eating my stuff. I also bought some pomegranate and lychee green tea, which I can tell you for a fact might be good but definitely not when you're being poisoned by mountain freshness in your car. Peace out.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

How much is too much?

So far I've had toast and a brownie for dinner and it's the best night ever. I'm in my workout clothes though, so I'll have to do something resembling exercise or I'll have wasted the effort of dressing for it. This here is a high efficiency zone. Today felt wicked short because the office was buzzing about my possible leaving. I had to talk to my supervisor about it because references were asked for. She didn't seem surprised but she did smoke a lot more and that's always a tell-tale sign. Nothing is certain yet, but I feel all of a dither. Nothing new since I've been anxious all weekend.

Anywhoo? It's getting weirder and weirder to not spend all day on the internet and then come home to something that used to be your whole day. I find I don't know what I used to do with my time online, except ofcourse write stuff. I have nothing to report today and considering my dinner I'll have nothing to report tomorrow. How much butter can you eat in a day without actually dying? I'd like to know because knowledge is power and it's frightening how fast we go through those sticks of fat and salt and deliciousness. Buttered lightening.

I must away to cook the boyfriends dinner. He can't subsist on brownies and uselesss white bread toast, more's the pity. If anyone needed to pack away the pointless calories.

Monday, February 18, 2008

"everybody's got something good to say"

I hate blogging from home. Who would have thought that the bank fed my creativity? Today is a holiday so I'm home twiddling my thumbs and sorting through papers. I should have gone to see my family and return those weird pants from Banana Republic. Shoulda woulda coulda, I chose to hang here instead. You'd think my floor would be cleaner with me having all this free time. I did scrub my tub which is very good for the arms. I brushed the cat. I didn't wash all the dishes yet. Home is distracting and yet not enough. I'm not distracted enough to be content and too distracted to write anything worth reading. A new and exciting era of my life.

So, all I think about is this interview so why not blog about it and get it out of my brain. The thing is, it reminds me of this job I had that I loved. I never really thought about it before, there are so many things that cloud that time for me. I loved that job, I loved the work and the variety and the challenges it brought every minute. The short of the long is that I used to sell fish. Imported Japanese Koi actually, and no they aren't fucking goldfish so just don't even say it because it makes my brain explode. The fish thing is important because I have these dreams that I have tanks and tanks of fish in my basement and I let them all die. It's very sad. The Freud of that is that I let a relationship die, the relationship I had with my boss from the fish job and his wife and it makes me very sad.

When my mom died a lot of relationships got screwed. People said things or didn't say things and I didn't handle it well. You learn a lot about people when something like that happens. You learn a lot about yourself too, it's hard to be a rational grownup when you're suffering that kind of loss. It was too hard and I think it might be too late to fix some things. Thus the dreams. Thus the feeling that this job is a chance to step back in to my life, like the grief stricken commercial break is over. I told Matt that I would be so happy if I got this job and he said he thought so too. He also said he thinks I haven't been really happy since we met (a few months before my mom passed) and I think he's right, I've been broken for a long time.

I know it looks like I'm pinning a lot on one phone call. One opportunity. I do sort of feel like it's some Karmic wake up call. If I'm not chosen it will be for a reason and atleast I'll know what I want to be shooting for and I can get to work to make it happen. I'd been getting to that place anyway, slowly. It does seem, to me, like I'm meant to have this opportunity now and I feel really good about it. The waiting is hard because I feel so sure. I'm telling myself now that if it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be but it will be hard to get over. But not impossible.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Zombie sex at Walmart

I just got back from a scary trip to Walmart. I hate going there but I couldn't justify the gas to go to my usual store for the two things I forgot to pick up yesterday. The two things I forgot turned into 80 dollars worth of stuff including soda and ice cream and also some rejuvenating night cream. All things I'm a sucker for and all in one convenient place. I got a movie too, Shaun of the Dead, which triggered the cashier to have a five minute conversation with me about zombies and the biological imperative to mate. It was fascinating actually, I've never had such an intellectual conversation at Walmart. Talking about the suspension of reality there of all places. Anyway, I'm trying to pretend I don't have Phish Food in the freezer, I didn't need to buy it and now I've buried it behind the actual frozen fish in the hopes that I don't eat it all by monday.

It was actually good that I got out even though I spent so much money because I've wasted most of the weekend willing the phone to ring. It will ring in the next couple of days, they want to move really fast on this new position and I just can't bear the wait. I'm cooking and doing laundry, reading a book and re-watching the Harry Potters and writing this. And still, not distracted enough. If only I could juggle and type and maybe sing showtunes...that might be enough to keep my mind off things.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

You know the economy is bad when it's too expensive to die

That interview was absolutely amazing. I want that job bad, the bad where you wake up and start thinking about all the things you could do with it bad. Arrgh, I'll probably eat a bakery if they choose someone else. They asked the question that all my interviewers have been asking: "Are you one of the forty?". As in my company laid off forty people and that's a lot of paper pushers looking for work right now in a small economy. Most of the resumes the big wonderful opportunity received were from there and were discarded. This is not a paper pushing job, it's a small business pushing job. It's a wonderful job, a gilded flower of a job. God, I wish I wasn't hopping on hormones...it's going to be hard if I'm passed over.

So, hormones and a steady weight. I hate that. I always tell myself it's the water and you'll be SO skinny after but it hasn't happened that way yet so I should tell myself to button up on all counts. I have to go and return some shoes today and since I'm full of hormones I'll probably buy fifty more pairs. I'm just hoping the blond lady isn't there. The blond lady knows I'm a returner and I have a feeling one day she's going to follow me to the parking lot and stab me with a stilletto. The blond shoe lady scares me and I have the balls to admit it...anonymously and on the web. And then I have to go to the gap and they hate me too. In my brain going to the mall is like walking through a passive aggressive minefield. I assume all my favorite stores hate me because I would if I was always farking returning everything. Probably they don't care but it gives the occasion of going to Bangor so much more drama. I envision myself shopping in trenchcoat and dark glasses. God, I need this job just to keep my brain busy.

Hey, I 'm whining about employment and shopping and weight all in one paragraph. That's like a self esteem triple punch right there. Hopefully I come home as bursting with hope as I am now, it's so much worse when the doubts start to set in. They're making their decision super quick so think happy thoughts for me!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

long day

This morning Dunkin Donuts gave me coffee instead of tea and I didn't realize for 50 miles. I ate two sandwiches for lunch instead of talking to anyone at training. I was really mad that there weren't any cookies but I didn't eat any candy. I drank two sodas with the two sandwiches I ate even though one was enough and one of those sandwiches was chicken and I don't eat chicken except I totally did and it was really good and I really didn't need two cokes. I'm cooking our pathetic Valentine's dinner of frozen pizza as I type. We're going to go out like grown-ups tomorrow after my interview.

That's my day in review. I can't wait to go to sleep. Also to have an ice cream sundae because we're totally having a sleepover party of a valentine's day. Maybe I'll put Matt's boxers in the freezer. And then he'll have me committed.

Happy Valentine's Day all!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Animal retribution

I hit a deer last night and today my clothes are being eaten by mice. My own personal wild america. I felt really bad about the deer, but we couldn't find it and there wasn't much damage so I'm hoping he's just miffed and not dead. The mouse, however, is going to get trapped. Of all the things I never thought I'd do in my car. Anyway, I did some exercise last night and it made all the difference. I've got to remember to always keep moving. I should be exercising right now, but I'm sitting. We had another icy driveway kind of night but without the crawling. This winter is weather-iffic. Snow, driving rain, sleet. It's pouring right now and it sounds like summer. It's making me nostalgic for outside weather.

In the lengthy pants debacle I have now received two sets of everything I ordered. I'm all set for basics for the next two sizes. I guess I'm wearing snazzy black pants tomorrow...and every day until uhm...ever. I'm not about to complain about free clothes and eventually they'll be passed on. I'll share my good pants karma. It's the circle of fashion or something.

So, the computer monitoring sucks. As I knew it would. It's such a long day with no blogs to read, or e-mail or anything fun. I had to read a book, with pages that you have to turn by hand. It was practically medieval. I have a feeling I'm going to get through a lot of books in the next few weeks. Imagine if I had a real job like I'm hoping for, one where I'm actually working all day. I have so much to get used to when I join the real world.

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There is something living in my car, and it killed my coat. What kind of mouse eats fleece?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Keeping up appearances

My legs went from feeling the burn directly to maimed. Holy crap, I had no idea how often you use the muscles on the top of your thighs. You need them to sit, and walk and stand. Bathrooms are the worst. At the company meeting last night I gave someone a fright with my leg pain moaning. She thought I was sick. What was I going to say in that situation that wasn't weird? I had nothing. I just told her I was fine. Like I'm going to say "It's the exercising, it causes the pain" there was no way out of that with grace. I'm just hoping she didn't know the sound of my voice, I couldn't place hers.

I cleaned my house and I think it disturbed the feng shui because I can't seem to think. I'll have to spend some time cluttering to get my brain back. I have two fashion occasions this week to think about, the interview and a day of training at the corporate office. I'm having a fashion parade later to sort things out. It's so much more fun to arrange clothes when you have some. Funny that. I have a co-pilot tonight, the chairman would love to share her views on cat nip and napping and day long baths. That's really the way to live. If only we were all cats.

Today begins the era of computer monitoring and so I'm blogging from home from now on. I had a cranky post all written about it but then I got a very exciting call for an interview. Hope is renewed. On the weight front too as I'm actually less than yesterday even after eating all those stupid reese's hearts. It's amazing how much that pisses me off. It's also got me thinking about Easter and the dread Russel Stover bunnies. I'm making myself a goal not to buy or eat any damn easter bunnies this year. Seasonal candy kicks my ass and for no good reason. Must be some carniverous instinct to eat furry things with heads even if they are made of chocolate. Good thing I'm not vegan.

Monday, February 11, 2008

"She knows her fortune, she's been moanin' about it all day."

One job down, oh, tons and tons to go. Rejection letters stink, even when you didn't want the job that bad to begin with. And then the new bosses bring you candy and you eat a lot of it. Damn. And I was really savouring the burn in my legs today and the exciting 175.6 on the scale. It's a shame that it's really too cold to walk today, I'd really like the exercise and it would help with the guilt of eating all those reese's hearts.

It's going to be a foodie week above and beyond gorging on cheap candy. Tonight is a pizza buffet before a meeting and wednesday and thursday will be all business meals. And also Valentine's day and p.s. those cupcakes are friggin' awesome. The hotel has a gym though and I'm bringing my pilates mat. Anyway, it's going to be a long week.

So I just checked the Reese's bag and what I ate was only 140 calories. Granted it wasn't like I needed the extra calories but it's not so bad. It's not championship end of the world snacking or anything. And all of a sudden I'm in a chatty mood and I can't believe how sore my legs are just from using the balance ball yesterday. It's been a long time since I used it and I guess I shouldn't underestimate it as an exercise tool, damn!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

I've lost a whole inch of ass!

It occurs to me that I should have let Matt eat all the cookies before I went and made tiramisu. And next time I won't try to fit a serving of tiramisu in a cupcake. Of all the bowls I didn't need to lick clean that was my favorite. It's been a busy weekend, lots to do to spend a night away. I accidentally went grocery shopping hungry and bought two frozen pizzas. Let's hope Matt is extra hungry this week and I come home to an empty fridge.

So, I have to admit of all the products I've been testing lately the whitening strips have been the most effective. The firming lotion, both of them actually, haven't turned me into a firm cheerleader yet and I'm pretty sure the shampoo for colored hair I've been using is specifically designed to strip all hair into one shade: mouse. It's very disappointing. If you can't trust pretty colored bottles what can you trust?

There hasn't been much progress on the scale but I did notice a tiny difference in my measurements this weekend. The last time I measured was the end of December and yesterday the numbers were a tiny bit smaller. Most impressively I'm lost an inch off my rear and half an inch at the neck. My right bicep grew by half an inch, which I'm hoping is all muscles, and the left went down. Weird. I'm showing about a 1/4 inch change all over which is better than nothing over the course of a month or so. I'll have to make a note for myself to check in another month or so and see how things are going. It's a good pick me up for the moment anyway, gets my head off the stupid scale for a bit. Maybe I'll have my tape measure bronzed.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

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Tiramisu heart cupcake for an early valentine!

Friday, February 08, 2008


Did you know there's some page with my same title dedicated to cyber-bullying? Would it be wrong for me to flame him? Kidding, kidding. "Does this font make me look fat?" just doesn't make me think cyber-bullying. But, then, obviously. Anyway, I'm fascinated. Actually, that phrase is everywhere and it's no big deal. There's a reason it's not my direct link. The reason being that I was totally going to be thin in two weeks and change my title to "my fabulous ass!" or something. Maybe it's time to known as "Brutal Reality" instead. Or "If you eat those cookies you'll never see your toes again". Hey, Hi! I'm having a rough morning.

I didn't manage much time to exercise last night. I had to cook two dinners and wash dishes and bake cookies and I had all these excuses to think up. No, actually I did hit my stepper for about five minutes but my knee just couldn't take another night of pounding. To which Matt said "do some pilates". A totally reasonable reccomendation that inspired me to sit on my rear. It wasn't a brilliant display of discipline.

Long ago and far away when I had some discipline, friday was my day off. I would take my walk at lunch like normal but friday night was sort of our relaxing night at home or grocery shopping or whatever. I'd try and kill myself all week saying "friday you can relax" and it worked pretty well. Picking back up on the weekends is never a problem for me, even I can't look at all that free time and do nothing (and I wonder why I was sick sooo long). I know that I need to do some exercising tonight to make up for last night, and the three cookies I just ate (new recipe, must test!) and i'm going to try. I was growing fond of my stepping habit, it was so like the old days when losing was so much more possible. Old horse, new tricks I guess.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

"I was being patient but it took too long."

Last week while I was primping for my job interview I decided to try out some tooth whitening strips. I'm a vain spendthrift, what can I say. Anyway, it's been sort of interesting. Since I'm going to the trouble of having all these probably very bad chemicals in my body for the sake of pearly whites I'm trying to make the most of it. By make the most of it I mean I'm brushing my teeth all the damn time so my tea habit doesn't make me look like a twenty pack a day smoker.

Toothbrushing is a great snack control tool. Not only do I feel guilt over sullying clean teeth by eating something, most food is pretty damn gross after brushing your teeth. Maybe I'll have a reduction of cavities too, which would be good what with the novacaine-free drilling I'm so fond of. Is it disordered thinking to train yourself to brush your teeth every time you want a twinkie or something? Disordered but dental friendly I guess.

Still waiting around to hear from employers, still scouring the want ads. Worst case scenario I can work for a bakery in the summer and that's not a worst case at all. If I can keep saving like I am now and take unemployment in the winter like everyone else...I'd have the whole winter off! It freaks me out that I'm so excited about unemployment. Maybe I'm being slowly poisoned by our well water.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

"the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting"

My muscles are killing me today. It's so great. 175.6 is also great. And I threw away those stupid doritos and that was great too. There's a pattern of goodness here. I finally recieved my long awaited took forever to order pants and they fit. It's a relief to have some clothes that fit incase I get some calls for interviews this week. I did a crazy thing though in that I now have two pairs of size ten pants that don't fit me.

When I placed my order I optomistically got myself a 12 and a 10. The 10 doesn't fit yet but for ten dollars it seemed like a reasonable thing to do to keep them. Then this weekend I went shopping again and I got myself some ten dollar jeans in the same size. I'm sort of torn about it because now I feel like I have a definite goal to fit into those pants. It's good to have a goal like that. Even if I don't lose twenty pounds I'll feel good about fitting into a smaller size. The thing is though that I may never find these pants attractive on my body.

I'm usually very anti-buying things that aren't perfect right now. I very definitely only bought them because they were cheap. That is a really bad habit and not something I want to get back into. They're still nice clothes and odds on I love them just as much as the twelves when I get a little smaller but there is no guarantee that my body won't change. That is sort of the point, after all. If I stepper my ass into complete oblivion no pants are going to look good.

A twenty dollar investment into a small one size goal doesn't seem so bad, I'm just worried about getting too pie in the sky. It's no good to live for the future like that. I still think I have it in me to lose one more size (literally and figuratively, heh) so I'm going to wing it. Y'all will have to let me know when I've gone too far and bought bikini's in a size 2 alright?

They cut drunks off when they've had too much!

On the radio this morning the dj's were discussing a proposed law in Louisiana or Mississippi (they couldn't seem to decide) where restaurants would not be allowed to serve obese people. The restaurants would be held liable for serving obese customers, even if they order a salad and a fresca. I'm sure it'll work great because fat people don't know they're fat unless you shame them in a public place and you can't get food anywhere but at a restaurant. There are so many things wrong with this I hardly know where to begin.

The title is from the first caller, a dainty wee thing, who doesn't want her kids to have to watch fat people eat. Sex, drugs, violence on tv all the time but it's food that you're worried about lady? You must have a really great life if your biggest complaint is being able to eat out with your kids and having to watch a chubby eat a cheeseburger. It must be so awful for you, living in a world with people in it and all.

It was a pretty crazy show but the craziest part was that the dj's were the only ones to voice a sense of reason. All of the callers gave the "I think it's wrong to be fat" preamble even if they followed it up with reason. Most people think the government doesn't have a right to tell us what to eat and most of them wondered if there wasn't anything more important to be worrying about and all of them think it's morally reprehensible to have an obese BMI. Once again the dj's were the only ones to point out that you don't have to eat at restaurants to be fat. Is the next law to ban grocery purchases until you look like Kate Moss?

What I wonder is how McDonalds and company deal with laws like these. They can't exactly buy ad time to say "our customers are obese and they have a right to eat!" but they're not going to put a patrol car in the drive-thru either. If it's true that most americans are fat, particularly in the south, it's also true that most of the customers at restaurants are going to be fat too. What restaurant is going to support the shaming and banning of their customer base so Mrs. Dainty and her children can enjoy their twice yearly hamburger in peace?

It makes me crazy that this law was proposed and it makes me crazy that it could be passed but it makes me even more crazy that I heard about it on the radio. A law this preposterous gets national coverage but I never heard a word about the state of South Carolina making cock fighting a felony the same day they refused to make domestic abuse a felony. I have so much to learn from american media. Fat people shouldn't be seen in public, restaurants are the only place to get food, and chickens are worth more than women. Fucking great.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

"Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

176. Which really, considering the Dove bar and those Doritos, how can I complain? It was stupid but I was sort of celebrating my relative defeat at work. I, err, went over my boss' head and secured myself fair pay until I find a new job. Which I feel like a pussy for, but, I can still go on interviews and build a savings account. And I still get to screw them, just I don't have to count our food into rations and wash clothes at the river in the meantime. So, I'm a pussy and I ate ice cream for dinner, this life change is going smashingly! I did manage another half hour on the stepper and my legs are killing me. That part is great. Sore is always great.

Where to take this post from here? We were just talking about the dread tv strike. Eventually, I have to hope here, people will stop watching reality tv and the advertisers will push the networks into submission. What I wonder though, when the populace is so frustrated with the lack of new television, will society get off it's collective ass? You know the theory that war breaks out during times of over population (and dumnbass presidents)? It makes me wonder if entertainment strikes don't happen at times of epidemic obesity? Like maybe when the Romans were overfilling their togas the lions and christians picketed for a living wage? And everyone got fit again by beating them into submission. As a historian I wonder about these things.

I get frustrated with myself thinking along these lines. I try to do things to protect the environment but then I think maybe it's supposed to happen this way. I think sometimes the human race has to learn things the hard way. Maybe the obesity epidemic (and yes, I'm a believer because it's stupid to say we're not fatter in greater numbers than we have been before) is supposed to happen exactly the way it is happening. A small piece of our evolutionary history. In the here and now I think I want to be smaller and stronger and healthier but I wonder how things will play out in the future. Will the overweight of the world flourish in the environments and challenges to come or die out like the dinosaurs? I wonder about these things, I just can't help it.

Monday, February 04, 2008

A day in without a weigh in

Nope, no, that title didn't work at all. Sorry. I did totally forget about the scale this morning though. Which is a bummer because I exercised my arse off this weekend. I started stepping and reading harry potter and I think my legs fell off. I can't be sure because I was that distracted. It was a good thing. I'm going to employ that technique more often, it's good to multi task. I always feel so lazy when I'm reading. Laze no more with my new and improved system of resting a book on the bookcase while stepping in front of the bookcase. I'm a revolutionary here, I'm telling you.

I started off with a good thing and now I can share the very dissappointing thing. Of all the damn clothes I ordered last week the only ones that have arrived are completely ugly. I'm broke up over it really. My fabulous grey pants are actually black with white spots (why? how?) and the wide leg brown pants look like I died in a fat tree or something. I suppose it's good for the wallet if nothing else so there's that for a silver lining. And also the bakery is open again, which I needed to know like a hole in my head. Knowing I won't be here much longer makes it that much harder to deny myself chocolate croissants of a morning.

I'm quite proud of myself, I have three days worth of protein-y lunch all packed. That's most of my week tackled on the lunch front. If I can keep up my potter-cise for the week I might have a nice burst of success come next monday. There's nothing like a definitive pound loss to get your ass in gear and I'm determined to have one this week. It's February already, have to get a move on sometime. And I just realized that I missed my fat-a-versary with all the homeless jobless hoopla. Man, I was going to wax rhapsodic about all the pounds I totally haven't lost this year. Better luck next year I suppose. Or bust.

Friday, February 01, 2008

"I'm getting more and more tortured in my old age....well, I try."

Two pilates sessions since yesterday and my tension is all gone. That and I'm home today playing with beads and cleaning my house. It's a beautiful thing especially because my last customer yesterday handed me a few hundred dollars of rolled coin covered in pubic hairs. Money is disgusting. One of the more ocd reasons I like using my discover card for everything is that I can bleach it at my leisure. I'm biding my time for an interview this afternoon. I didn't want to risk not being able to leave work so I took the whole day. I'm glad I did because it's giving me some distance and some time to scrap an outfit together.

Not a one of the pieces of clothing I ordered last week arrived in time so I had to hit the mall last night. I ended up with just a shirt. My ass is completely between sizes 10 and 12. One too tight and the other too loose in all the wrong places. What was I expecting? I should know by now that I can't walk into a shop and find a full outfit that fits the night before an interview. I thought I'd be more and more into clothes as my sizes came down and lo and behold it sucks just as much as before. I must remember that losing weight makes nothing easier, just different.