10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Friday, May 29, 2009

"I'd rather have a mammogram than go car shopping."

Matt and I went car shopping this weekend. We'd been talking and talking about it and researching and it was time to drive one. Fortunately I liked everything about the one I liked everything about already, unfortunately the salesman paid me no attention at all. Tsk Tsk. He asked why we were interested in this car and I said "this car was number 7 on the consumer reports list" and he said nothing. How many selling points could you get from what I said, a million? I think he was expecting me to say "it's shiny!" and make his sale. Anyway, I won't be buying it from him. Sheesh.

It's been a weird weekend, I had all these plans and I just didn't feel like doing anything. I have a ton of things I should be doing today but my progress has been pretty minimal. I'm supposed to be packing up winter things and I really want them gone but my ability to actually do it seems compromised. I'm almost looking forward to working tomorrow just to say I accomplished something. Crazy.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

"You want to cut down on the breakfast drugs"

I survived a whole five days of work and am now looking out on a four day weekend. I was thinking about heading home 'but everyone else had their long weekend last weekend. So I went shopping instead. I had been looking forward to shopping all week and then I went and it was really disappointing. It's rainy and dark and starbucks is closed and I couldn't even get myself sugared up to enjoy the time out. Bummer.

I'm home now and baking and things seem right again. We have a birthday party to go to tonight and the birthday boy requested cookies as a present. I made hungarian kifli and we're giving him a bottle of smith family farm milk that comes old school in a glass bottle with cream on top. Cookies and milk, perfect. I'm also going to put a really big bow on the woof because the birthday is for Matt's dad who loves woof and I want him to look extra pretty for his grampy.

I can't seem to get my brain around anything lately. It's getting to be beyond my control and I'm considering some doctoring. Maybe.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"You don't just up and tell a menopausal woman she's fat."

I've been waiting to tell this story, waiting until I could write it down without every other word being offensive and four lettered. The weirdest thing happened to me last week when I went to the grocery store and it's making me more and more angry whenever I think about it. I was just choosing a tomato. It seems simple doesn't it, choosing a tomato at the grocery store. There were a few other shoppers and I waited for a suitable lull around the tomato bin, I didn't want to be rude but still...it's just tomatoes not a bridal sale at FIlene's basement. I picked up a few of the small ones to check them out. It's fair to say I'm a little ocd when it comes to choosing produce. I don't ever take home the first one unless it's perfection is irrefutable. As I picked up the second one the woman next to me said something about not needing to cut in line because she wasn't busy. Obviously I noted it because I remembered to blog it but seriously it's tomatoes so I didn't say anything. When I looked at the third one she said "stop touching them all, I don't want to get swine flu!". What the huh? This was obviously directed at me and it took me a minute to get my head around it. Now, I should have just coughed on her and left but instead I said "If you put a brick through your television you'll have a better life" and then I left. Then she followed me around the market making a "huh" face like I was the one out of line, like I started talking to her, like I am the only person who ever touched those tomatoes which come carefully packaged in little styrofoam jackets, like apparently I'm a pig.

If I wasn't so mad I would have been more freaked out that she kept following me. Who does that exactly? What kind of crazy is that? And if she's so worried about the swine flu why isn't she on a compound in Montana with a semi-automatic? It's been a while since something that weird has happened to me. It was such a refreshing break.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

"marriage by pot roast"

I've been cooking all day and I feel like a fishwife. Actually I feel pretty awesome, if a little beat, because I made a pad thai that kicked some serious ass. I also made a portuguese bread that came out a bit crusty...I don't think I put enough water in the extra pan...but is still pretty good if you pretend it was supposed to be rustic italian. I also made up Matt's monthly cinnamon bread batch and some vanilla cupcakes with chocolate frosting. The cupcakes are the only thing I'm completely unsatisfied with. I've been looking for a vanilla cake recipe since time immemorial and I hate them all. Whenever I find a new one I'm filled with the promise of light and buttery flavorfulness and I'm always disappointed. The ones I have on my counter now are very dense in a not good way and pretty tasteless. God help me the only ones I like come out of a box. I'm deeply shamed. The frosting is good though.

I'm feeling that last day of the weekend thing that happens the night before a busy week. I have to work tomorrow and monday and tuesday and so on and Matt forgot and signed himself up to do a big job today, which means the only time we've spent together are the stolen moments while puppy is outside peeing. We'll have more time together when the garden is roto-tilled and the plants have to go in, special couples time with groaning and sweating but sadly no orgasms.

These would be the plants I bought at the store and not the ones we grew from seed, and also a ton of potato seed we got with our trees. My co-worker recently asked how the farming was going and I said "if this were little house on the prairie there wouldn't be a sequel" but that's not strictly true because if there's one thing you can grow in Maine it's potatoes. If all else fails we can practice making vodka and we won't care that we starve to death. Shot glass half full.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

"testosterone spill on aisle 4"

This is my meme, with my sister and my niece. This weekend we celebrated her 90th birthday. The day before the anniversary of my mother's death. Matt and I flipped through the photo album and I showed him pictures of my mother. The photo below was the party favor, it's of my mom, her twin, her other sister and of course memere. My mom is the one smiling.

All through out the party people would hold out their photos and tell me to smile. I guess I look just like her when I'm smiling. I'd never heard that before, it was a nice moment. I also learned that my mom's sister looked just like my niece (pictured) when she was a kid, they both have a "bossy" face. My mom would have loved that.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

"Birds do not get you."

I'm reading my chicken book for the third time and I'm still not sure what exactly I need to buy for their arrival. It's so terribly capitalist of me to want to buy their health and happiness, chickens have been around a long time...it's not like they need TiVo. Whatever, I'm nervous about their little lives hanging in the balance of my decisions. And I have to remember to check their little butts occasionally, I might have to set that task to music...must choose feathery booty call song. They're not coming until the middle of June so I have lots of time to worry about it. sigh.

In other news, last week I bought some chips ahoy and now they're all gone. Must've been aliens. I swear. I have no memory of eating them. Aliens or zombies. If I were a zombie I'd totally eat cookies instead of brains. I'd be on the committee for alternative zombie lifestyles and I would fight for my cookie rights. Speaking of which, Maine passed it's pro-same sex marriage law last week. YAY! What's that like, 46 states to go? The modern civil war.

I'm off to work, it's a hiking day and I'm trying to decide which shoes to wear. Don't worry, I'm packing extras. Just not sure which ones. It's freezing today so probably no flip flops, shame. I'll probably take everything but the kitchen sink, I'm tired of getting outdressed every week. Young people are so sensitive!

Monday, May 18, 2009

"Objectively I am thin and lack muscular definition."

My dog stinks. We've washed him twice but whatever it is he rolled in is stubborn and remorseless and doesn't take our threats seriously. I felt really bad about torturing him in the bath because he was such a good boy this weekend but really there was no choice. I didn't think to pack puppy shampoo on our trip home so we bought some sniffy coconut stuff at target. We also got some patio furniture and fancy lights for the block of cement on the side of the house because target pulled me in to it's web and took hold of my brain. We had been looking for outdoor chairs but I hadn't planned on getting a table too. It's actually a nice little set and it was cheap compared to what we've been seeing around, I just feel a little like all my money is being sucked out of my hands with little resistance. I'm also not sure what I'm going to do with all of the cute things I bought for the suburban patio I do not have.

I've been thinking a while about increasing our entertainment space by cleaning up outside. Matt laid a cement 'pad' when they built the house, I'm not really sure why, but I've been thinking about prettying it up lately. Maybe paving stones, maybe outdoor paint...I don't know yet. I don't want to spend a lot of money and I don't really have a plan. I guess I need to make some decisions about my priorities and get started before we have 4 feet of snow again. I do have a plan for today, I'm going to get some pretty flowers for the front door, my first action plan for this project. I'd like a perennial but annuals provide instant gratification...so many decisions!

Friday, May 15, 2009

"I love syphilis more than you"

An hour into my walk with the woof I remembered the coke I left in the freezer. On the one hand it freaked the hell out of me but on the other it made the walk back to the house a super fast power walk. Which I wrote like it's awesome, which it was from an exercise standpoint, but actually it kind of sucks when you have blisters all over your tootsies. My logic could be fuzzy here though because probably walking for two hours even at a slow pace isn't good for a blister. I'll have to google it. Anyway, the dog still needs a walk even when you're a moron...it's not his fault...but OW!

I fully deserve to have blisters all over my feet and the pain that goes along with it. I'd like to say that as proof that I realize any whining is just whining and not worthy of genuine sympathy. I was raised by an ex-nun so I have a unique view of suffering as an educational tool. I'm getting too old to still be learning these lessons, it's getting to be a boring pattern. I'm lazy and I'm always rushing and it's too much work to make sure I have all the things I need when I'm going somewhere. This is why I started packing for BlogHer last month but that's a whole other post.

I'm not allowed to do anything without a list and a time out now. I'm packing for our trip home and working through my list very carefully, otherwise I'd have a suitcase full of nothing but bandaids and advil.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

"What, is it illegal to take a heart to the mall?"

Sometimes when I type my titles I find myself thinking about the woman at blogher who reads all these posts and chooses headlines for the ad content, and I weep for her struggles. And then I think probably she thinks I'm crazy and then I weep for me because that is a common problem I have, people thinking I'm crazy. I was pretty much deranged yesterday when I bought my fourth new pair of shoes in two weeks. It sounds awesome in a Bridgette Jones way to do so much shopping but actually I made a super huge mistake yesterday and that's why I needed the shoes.

I took my puppy for a walk and a bad thing happened. I was determined to get some quality acadia time in this summer so I thought "why wait?" and I loaded him up and we went to Jordan Pond since I know it now and I know how long it takes to walk. I called my client at the usual time only she didn't feel like doing much today and put me off for a few hours. "Hey, Yay!" I thought, I will walk my puppy all the way around this 5 mile pond in street shoes with a wedge heel! What an awesome friggin' idea! It turns out that those shoes might have been ok for a few miles of the east bank (but then maybe not, this is my logic we're talking about) but they suck for the north shore which is big ass rocks. The problems didn't become apparent until I was almost back at the lot and I didn't know how bad they were until I brought the puppy to daddy daycare.

Would you like to hear what I did to my feet? It's pretty awesome. It's going to be even awesomer and also gross. I have a perfect set of matching quarter size blisters underneath each big toe. There are others but I think there is something poetic about the symmetry of those two. The romeo and juiet of blisters. Even Matt was impressed, impressed enough to encourage me to go buy some flip flops for the afternoon walk I had scheduled to take with my client. The flip flops are pretty awesome, I can feel how they balance my pronation problem but that's totally not the point of this post. The point is, christ...what was I thinking? My list for necessary items for time in the park is now longer than I am tall and also I'm supposed to visit my family this weekend with my giant bulbous blistered hobbit feet. I think I'll just lay on the carpet and moan, that'll be quality time with the fam.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

"skinned knees and chocolate cake"

There's this hiking trail that goes around Jordan Pond and Jordan Pond is famous for this restaurant that serves tea and popovers and I just assumed that the trail would be a tea drinking trail but instead it's an ass kicking trail. Perhaps not as ass kicking as the Ladder trail or the Perpendicular trail, both hiking trails with very literal names, but when you have to ferry old people over the granite drainage steps you kind of want to kill yourself. What do I say if I lose her in a pond? Who do you call for that? because I don't know. Anyway I wasn't prepared for this trail. Five years living next to Acadia and I know almost nothing about it, I'm an asshole officially.

I'm making an effort to rectify my lack of park knowledge, partly for my job and partly for my dog and I wish I could say I was doing it for self betterment but it's just not true. I get my ass kicked by the aarp crowd every week and it's getting old so I'm working on saving face. Last week I finally walked into cadillac mountain sports and bought some hiking clothes. I've been making due with old coats and sneakers and it's not working out. The boots I ordered a while ago and am working on breaking in, now I have a windbreaker and some light layerable fleece to add to my hiking paraphernalia. I always show up wearing the wrong thing, I forget how different the weather on the island is compared to where I live and really you need a windbreaker when you climb a mountain sitting on the ocean, you just do. I feel massive guilt whenever I buy anything and Matt just said "uhm, it's ok to buy a windbreaker". I never knew I needed so much validation...sheesh, I'm a mess.

Matt's been extra supportive of my wardrobe lately because recently one of his co-workers moved apartments and it took an entire day to move his girlfriends clothes. Apparently she had two closets, a rail, and three dressers. I feel enormously better about my clothes to space ratio now. I have a dresser and a closet thingy and I still find myself looking at shirts in the back and going "this, I don't remember this?", how could you ever keep track of three closets without a personal assistant? Matt said she has all her skinny clothes still. The fact that he knows that completely throws me, these men had a conversation at work about a girlfriend's skinny clothes...I just can't get my brain around it.

Monday, May 11, 2009

"We come from a long line of army deserters and nasty alcoholics"

So, my client thinks I'm a recovering alcoholic. She has a bit of dementia and a bent to the dramatic and told me twice today that I am an alcoholic. I wish I could remember the word she used but I guess I blocked it out. She is, if not an alcoholic herself, a dedicated drinker which is fine if you're 84. She can't drive, she can't see, she might as well drink wine. She very often offers me wine because she doesn't like to drink alone and because she has dementia we have this conversation A LOT. A. I don't drink and secondly I'm technically working and no I don't want any wine. At first she kept saying that I don't have a taste for it but would also often say "don't you have just a little with dinner?" and is always appalled when I say no. Perhaps not appalled. I think she feels guilty about being a drinker and wants to think that everyone else is a drinker too to make herself feel better.

My job in theory is very easy but in practice can be really difficult. It's hard having the same conversation over and over again especially when she tells me how lucky my mother is to be dead rather than unable to drive and read like her. I think my mother would prefer to be as healthy as my client is and to have reached her age but then it doesn't work like that does it. I tried to be the perky "you have so much let's make the most of it!" person but it's like pushing a rock up a hill. I feel like it's a waste of our time together to be indoors having these conversations but then it's not my money.

We spend a lot of time talking about the Alzheimers she doesn't have, the balance and vision that would improve if she stuck to gingerale and the British resident of the home who reminds her of Hyacinth Bucket but has always been kind to me. Another topic we hit often is the sexual urges of my animals. She's fascinated by this and I don't know how to make it stop. Animals have an urge to reproduce not just to get laid for laying's sake, but she simply can't tell the difference. This is what happens when you are raised catholic...your husband dies and you're left asking your caretaker to discuss the sex lives of castrated dogs, hysterectomied cats and baby chick chicks she doesn't even have yet.

I'm feeling particularly uncharitable today which happens when I have to work too many days in a row. I don't come up for air until friday so wish me luck and for the cat to get my tongue before I get myself fired. Actually, she likes me a lot and I know she does and most of the time I like her a lot too but some times like when she wants the marshes drained because they're too wet, when she points out fat people to call them slobs, when she talks about the homeless shelter residents as the dregs or when she speaks about the single parent students she had in New York and says "none of them knew who papa was" it really pisses me off. Everyday we pass a quarry right near her apartment and today she called it a mess and before I could stop myself I said "well, you're the one who moved here, that quarry's been there forever" and she didn't say a word. I'm not sure what that means or what I think I'm trying to accomplish by getting snarky with an 84 year old woman. I guess I just need a day off.

Friday, May 08, 2009

"fritos have a calming effect on a woman"

Dudes, I seriously wish I was being candid camera'd today at the grocery store. That was the most luscious and green cart of food I've ever pushed around the store. Must be something about summer busting out all over here today. My car smelled delicious too because I stopped at the nursery and picked up a basil plant and tomatoes and green peppers. Did I mention that Matt had started about a zillion seedlings in March? Well he did and they're almost all dead now. If this were the Oregon Trail we'd be moments from our pixellated deaths. As it is we have the money to buy pre-grown seedlings so that's what we did. It was pretty awesome as far as shopping goes, I almost ended up with an entire car full of perennials. I didn't know I craved flowers so much...I guess all this pine is finally getting to me.

My big winter project was to fill up the freezer and now I'm working on emptying it. Summer is for fresh food after all. Frankly I'm sort of tired of the stockpile. I don't forget a lot of things but I just found some pasta wheels that I could swear I never bought. Also, white chocolate chips...what the hell did I buy them for...I CAN'T REMEMBER and I can't think what I had intended to do with them. I found a cake recipe to use them with but I really don't need a cake. Life is tricky.
To no one's surprise

Thursday, May 07, 2009

"I'm not sure I should give bullets to a woman with a pimple."

I almost just left Rebecca a two page comment so I guess that's where I'll start. I find myself lately to be a weightloss blogger who hasn't lost any weight in, uhm, I guess about two years. I've pretty much maintained my size 12 and though my body is always changing I haven't lost any more weight. I can't say that I really care. I'd like to, I really really would but if I did I'd be sucking down slimfast and joining a gym and whatever else it is that people who really want to be skinny do. Maybe get a tapeworm. My real goal lately has been to find exercise that I enjoy that doesn't hurt my body, a diet that makes me feel good physically and emotionally and in general to live a healthy balance.

The priorities in my life have shifted so much recently that I find myself juggling a lot of things and "me" is pretty much always at the bottom of that pile. I'm trying to reinvest in myself a little lately, particularly with food because I've been feeling like crap. I don't want to feel like crap so I have to try harder. This week I'm trying something new, salads for lunch and omelets for breakfast. I'm trying to automate two meals a day to keep up some kind of routine. My client is almost never hungry and when she is she likes to eat out and I'm still trying to get a handle on that because I'm sure it's part of why I feel so awful. I try to order just a salad but she gets a little crazy when I do but I'm just going to have to stand my ground because otherwise my stomach is hiring a hitman.

Exercise, actually I'm getting a ton. Part of my job is walking and part of my home obligations are walking so on the days that we do some extra special hard labor or I get some matwork in I'm already ahead on exercise. I definitely don't think about it the way I used to, MUST EXERCISE OR WILL DIE FAT. I try to do everything now to feel better, although the Tracy Anderson mat is all about vanity but it's still working my arms in new ways and building up endurance. Horrible, horrible endurance. She says when it starts to get easy you aren't doing it right...I'm sure she's going to retire to be a dominatrix. That's how I get through a session...imagining her in black spandex with a whip. Weightloss and health are just so personal.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

"It's an insult to crap"

I didn't have to work today and I'm finding myself at a loss with what to do. Bills, dishes, so many choices. If it wasn't raining I'd saddle up the puppy and we'd walk some carriage roads. My client and I did the Day Mountain road yesterday and it was awesome. We walked about 4 miles and I think woof would have really liked it. Since I'm stuck inside I'm working on my house. The more I box up and move out the more I like it. I have entire box of crap cookbooks my dad offloaded on me. I'm an easy mark when it comes to cookbooks but seriously...most of them suck and I think one of them was written by a pedophile. I keep five books close to hand and three just in sight. Any more than that and they just collect dust, I guess I'm not the adventurous cook I thought.

In the way of cleaning house, I sold almost all of the shoes I had to sell and a lot of the rest of them really need to be trashed. There's one pair in particular that is ready for the trash but has taught me something important...how could I not have noticed I'm an under-pronator all this time? Under-pronation can lead to heel, foot, and KNEE pain. HELLO. Gosh I drive myself nuts, I never really tried to figure it out I just assumed I was fat and running was hard and that's why my knee hurts. I'm not saying it's the answer it's just something to pay attention to when buying shoes...and explains why I like my new stability hikers so much. I hate figuring out I'm a moron, such a bummer.

Also, I'm cleaning my closet of the 50* black skirts I collected during my career at the bank. I met an old customer at the market the other day and she said "oh, you've left the bank...you can have a life now" and by golly she's right. No more black, no more heels, I'm going to dress for fun and life now...I'm wicked excited about it. And if you have a need for swishy black skirts do let me know.

*no, not really.

Monday, May 04, 2009

"Begin to feel your feet"

I'm wearing my new Nike Free running shoes and I'm trying to follow their training instructions, they're VERY specific and mostly I don't understand them at all. These are the super light and floppy ones and they're supposed to build up the muscles in your feet and legs to prevent injury. I didn't choose them to build up the muscles in my feet, not that I mind, I just needed some very flexible shoes for Tracy's workout. Pilates doesn't need shoes so I'm not used to finding the right shoes to exercise in except for running. I like them a lot, they're so light and god knows when you're doing her insane leg reps you don't want heavy feet. I tried them once before and I liked them then I just couldn't see buying two pairs of exercise shoes at once. You're only supposed to wear them for a few hours at a time to start with, otherwise the shoe police come to get you.

In not so good for me news I made my first chocolate croissants yesterday from scratch. I should say that yesterday I baked them...I started them saturday. Bastards take forever. They came out pretty good actually. Probably not the best idea ever, much like the donuts. After that I have big plans for correcting my diet. Packing lunch to have with my client is working out very well. I have some work to do on dinners, mostly because I'm lazy. Every once in a while cooking two dinners is just too much to take and I end up snacking or having cereal. I know a real dinner is important and I've been a slacker and it's all my fault. Last week was particularly bad food wise what with the daily dinnertime manual labor getting in the way. It's sort of a shame, with all that work if I hadn't been eating cupcakes for dinner I'd probably have lost some pounds! Shame.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Bonfire of the vanities

I couldn't write yesterday because all my parts were broken. Planting the trees wasn't really that bad, it was sort of the icing on the cake of the ass kicking we've taken this week. We picked up the trees from Fedco yesterday morning and it's obviously a big year for gardening because we had to park two miles away and then I stood in line for an hour (Matt had to walk the potatoes to the car and back so I was the lucky one) and I would have appreciated the rest more if I had known how broken I would be by five pm. Everything was so beautiful I totally wanted to double our order, thank god I didn't...I'd have been planting all night if I had. The trees we planted are so pretty and I hope they all survive transplant, the apples we planted last year all have blooms so we have high hopes.

Meanwhile I have horrible hopes for my skin this summer. I've been outdoors and driving in peak sun hours more this year than any other summer in a long time. I've been doing a really good job with the sunscreen, applying and re-applying but OH MY GOD the pimples! I'm obsessed with taking care of my skin for the future but in the present it looks pretty bad and I'm wondering at what stage of my life is vanity more attractive. Perhaps I just need to switch cleansers. Which is probably the thing to do but OH NO because I have a cabinet full of the current stuff.

This is what happens when you coupon shop to the point of obsession, you can never switch products. I tried the brilliant brunette shampoo ages ago and I just loved it so now whenever I get a coupon I buy some...whether I need it or not. BAD IDEA because I tried that curly shampoo I had a sample of and I liked that even better but I'm saddled with a cupboard of brilliant brunette so I can't switch. This grates on my soul literally all day, every time I look in to the cabinet. If I start washing my hair twice a day just to use it up set up an intervention.