10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

"I have a really low tolerance for dehydration."

Ooooh, pictures. Another reference from another brat pack movie. You know, it's sort of difficult pulling a one liner from the breakfast club, harder than I would have thought. Anyway, here are the pictures of my Ringwald inspired ensemble. I saw this shirt at the gap and it just made me think of that outfit. I like the cowl neck better than the straight v and it's jersey not a blouse...but the color is perfect. The skirt is ancient, a well cut high waisted corduroy skirt I got from the limited. It hits just above the calf and it has a perfect a-line/bell, a better shape for girls chubbier than Molly Ringwald. The boots aren't very much like Claire's at all, no laces and more of a heel. I bought them a few weeks ago at Aldo and I love them. I love the color, they're comfy and I think they're perfect.

Here is a close-up of the belts. I actually have a belt almost like hers but it doesn't match the boots. These two are much closer in color but I'm not sure which one to go with...advice is welcome. I've no idea what I'll wear for jewelry, probably more pearls. I've got quite a supply. I cleared away the packing debris to take the picture but I've obviously not made my bed. I'm making quite a mess and I have about four bags. If I was flying I'd be screwed.

Monday, September 29, 2008

"This must be what going mad feels like."

I have prepared my wedding packing list and I am about to commence...packing. I'm terrified I'm going to forget something vital so I'm just packing the entire apartment. Cat, dresser, sink, you know...it seems the reasonable thing to do. To your right you will see the very nerve wracking dress, which totally fits if I wear three pairs of spanx (not pictured). It's very simple and comfortable and long.

Hence the heels. They're very heely. And blingy. And no one will see them because the hem of my dress is just that long. I'm half sad - half relieved because they're really cute but they don't match the jewelry I bought. I just hope I don't trip and die because that could be embarrassing. Must practice with the heels and hope the church cleaning lady doesn't over do it with the pledge. Oooh, do churches have carpet?

So, this is the jewelry I've put together. I wanted to do the shiny bling bling thing but, I wasn't feeling it. It probably would have matched what everyone else is doing but then I'd feel even more like I was playing the part of a bridesmaid in a movie. So I went with pearls and a little ivory. The earrings are perfect and came from anthropologie. The necklace I ordered from Esty which matched the earrings perfectly got lost in the mail and the seller was on vacation and so I have the pearly bird necklace. It doesn't match as well but I sort of think it's sweet and dove-like and I'm going with it unless the bride's mother really hates it or something. The last is the cocktail ring which I'm not completely convinced of but I'm the only bridesmaid that won't be sporting a diamond the size of my fist and anyway the ivory rose is more my style. I'll probably just wear it to the rehearsal dinner (for which I found a very breakfast club molly ringwald outfit which I'm really excited about) and the post reception reception to which I'm wearing a sixties-esq skirt and kitten heel combo. It's very complicated dressing for a wedding. I just hope Holly's mom doesn't hate my choices...I always have the feeling she wants to tell me to brush my hair and put on some pantyhose. I love that woman.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

"Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants."

I just got a frantic call from one of our gardeners about the zerbert of a hurricane named Kyle about to ravage our 30 miles from the coastline-ness. She's very worried about the guatemalan/jamaican contingents. I called the guatemalans house to tell them how worried she was about whether they were prepared and the farthest I got was that they don't have any water for her. I called the jamaican house to warn them about the storm and that the power might go out tomorrow...I was informed that they'll worry about it tomorrow. Heh, I should've seen that coming...asking a jamaican to worry.

It cracks me up that's she's all bent out of shape to emergency prepare a. people from the caribbean for a new england storm and b. people from third world countries to have no power. It just tickles me. If I lived closer I'd fill their bathtub myself, I'm not completely heartless, I just don't think they're that worried. We've had quite a few storms and lost power for a few hours a couple of times. I think folks forget that they're all still adults with life skills they just don't happen to speak english.

I think their biggest problem will be how bored they'll be with no american tv to watch. Yesterday they were watching america's funniest pets or something, which I guess transcends language barriers. Dancing poodles are dancing poodles in any language. It took me about half an hour to explain that I'll be on vacation for the wedding this week. I wanted to make sure they bought enough food to last through the 9 days. When I left I wished them a good week and I was worried they didn't understand but the last thing mr. accordion player said to me was "have a good....vacacione". I heart them.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

"Tell me you're wearing that shirt because someone has to spot you from space."

I'm currently on the edge of my seat waiting for my boyfriend to show up with my pizza. I actually had a peanut butter cup as an appetizer. When he gets here I might have him feed it to me and possibly fan me with palm fronds, but I wouldn't want to over do it. Things are a little desperate, so far only one of the bridesmaids had to have her dress let out and fortunately it wasn't me...but only by a hair (heh). One more week.

So...I wrote that last night, and then obviously I got busy eating dinner and being extra lazy. I needed a stress break because I'm having a haircut trauma. Did I get a ridiculous hair cut a week before my bestfriend's wedding? No. Matt did. I said very clearly, one month ago, you should get your hair cut soon because it looks best a few weeks after the cut. He forgot, despite me remindng him every day, and made his appointment for one week before. And then, instead of saying don't take too much...I was supposed to do this two weeks ago...he let her almost shave his head with the clippers. I didn't even have words when he came home.

I know he doesn't care about his hair and I don't either 99.8 percent of the time but for a wedding? What kind of moron gives a person a shaggy ass buzz cut the week before a wedding. I asked him if he told her about the wedding and he said yes and everyone thought he looked great. Everyone but me. I was really mad. I hate to admit that I was mad about a hair cut but it's not like you can grow it back or buy more, is it so wrong to expect a little bit of attention to a detail so unfixable as too short hair? I'm probably a bitch, I feel like a bitch. Actually I feel like going hat shopping.

He's upset that I'm so mad and I'm mad because I really don't ask for much and I bought all the clothes and he didn't have to do anything but show up and not have stupid hair. I'm very frustrated. He's officially lost all hair free will and we're never going to his mom's friend who cuts hair again I don't care how cheap it is because to buzz someone's hair to that extent the week before a wedding is unjustifiable. If I had a flowbee and a blunt ax I could have done a better job.

There's really nothing to do. A hat really won't be that helpful. I'm going to try to give it the allusion of volume with some hair gel and god help him if he complains, I'd hate to be a widow.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

cross dressing the delaware

We got some new guys from Guatemala yesterday and they rock. One had this brimmed old school hat with scarf combo and a GIANT diamond studded belt buckle (Dani, my new boyfriend) and the other was all puma'd up and teaching me the words for towel and blanket (Mitch, heh). I heart them. I wish I could carry off a giant diamond belt buckle, I really do. It was very, very impressive. It's an enviable look.

In other news I've had two cokes today. I'm actually on my second now because I am WEAK. And also my throat hurts. I needed bubbles. Does anyone else remember that episode of the Cosby show? "Claire, I need bubbles Claire". I can never get that episode out of my head. That and the one when it's Thanksgiving and the family keeps sending Cliff to the store in that horrible storm...the look on his face. I have to get a life.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Bel Biv Devoe

A few weeks ago I was listening to the radio and there was nothing on. I was in one of those moods where you keep hitting the seek button until you get a repetitive motion injury because every song sucks and there has to be a better song if you just keep hitting the button. So finally I came to an oldie but a goodie, Boyz II Men. Of course it was Delilah because she is the devil and now I can't stop thinking about Boyz II Men. I downloaded three or four songs which probably cost more than their entire catalog on half.com. Motownphilly, back again. Yo. Apparently they're still touring, god bless 'em.

And as if it isn't embarrassing enough to admit I've been singing On Bended Knee all week, if you look to your right you'll notice some huge, home made and mostly unfinished pajamas I just found. In a fit of Project Runway excitement shortly after graduation I stole my mother's sewing machine. Why I thought neon fleece finding nemo pajamas would be my ticket to Tim Gunn's very stylish heart I have no idea but I just found the proof in a tote from my garage. It's sort of a shame they're not finished because god knows I'll never finish them now. Matt doesn't think they're his color. Shame.

I found a metric ton of fabric I'll never use and mostly it's fleece. Fleece, the one fabric that will not go though my pilfered sewing machine. Those horrible pajamas were completely hand sewn and I've no idea what I'm going to do with all this fleece. I've moved it THREE times and finally I'm tired of storing it. Can you give fabric scraps to GoodWill or is that a bit much? I'm completely tired of storing unusable crap. I'd have so much more room for springform pans and bulk flour if I got rid of the fabric and the box of unloved purses and all that union trust crap my old boss stole from company parties. Good times.

Monday, September 15, 2008

"It's a real burden, being right so often."

I picked up my dress yesterday. So I can try it on every day and make sure it isn't shrinking. Heh. The more I think about the wedding the more I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, and I'm not the one getting married...what do I have to worry about really. Geez, narcissistic much? So I was really early for the bridal shop because apparently brides don't get rolling until at least 10...so I wandered around downtown Bangor, which was surprisingly nice. I bought some bagels from the fancy bagel company, which sort of stink actually, but it was a very peaceful downtown type thing to do. There are a ton of bakeries downtown and none of them are hiring, that much I learned.

So I have the dress back and the shoes are dyed and the wedding is within spitting distance. It's a very nice dress, it's sort of a shame how much I want to burn it. It's not the dress' fault that all the stress of such an important social occasion is piled against it. It's highly unfair. Probably I'll just sell it on Ebay if it doesn't split down the middle the day I wear it. And then buy a gun with the money. Or some chocolate. Probably chocolate. Which reminds me, I'm using sparkpeople again. As much as their five days of peanut butter sandwich meals still haunts me, it's still a good tool. Especially when you think you had a really bad day and then you plug it all in and it wasn't so bad at all.

There's a word I want to use and I can't get it out of my brain, something like neutral. Sparkpeople is like the switzerland of dieters, it passes no judgement on that ice cream you had for breakfast and tells you that you didn't really double your calories you only doubled your guilt. And it turns out that all my fancy vegetarian food is really low in calories. If I could stand to eat tofu tacos until the wedding I might disappear into nothing. I don't imagine all taco all the time would be any better than living la vida peanut butter but there's something about the 'taco diet' that has an alluring supermarket tabloid profitability about it.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

"Looks like civilization's finally caught up with us."

So I stepped on a scale for the first time since ever and wow, 182. I sort of figured it would be worse, like maybe the screen would flash "hippo" or something but it didn't. Things happen while you're busy doing other things...John Lennon I'm not, obviously. I've been so busy whining that I let a few of my cardinal rules fly and I've been trying to make up for it. I'm back on my tea and oatmeal diet at work, which worked very well at the bank. I'm measuring everything which I stopped doing at some point and that was a bad idea. 'Course I was measuring sugar for my tea yesterday when I dropped the box and dumped about three tablespoons in the cup. It was gross but it was my last tea bag...it was a good reminder that extra sugar isn't as tasty as you think and I ended up dumping most of it. YAY!

In the way of working off that hippo status I went for a bike ride today. OH MY GOD. Apparently riding a bike up a mountain after two years of slacking is a poor idea. As in terrible, and painful and dead making, and also my fingers are numb which is just weird. Apparently I was only gone for 20 minutes which means that I spent 5 minutes riding and 15 minutes walking my bike back up the hill crying. No not really with the crying. I suppose I should look at it as a challenge to ride up the hill one day. One day before I'm 80, that's my goal.

It's fun to try new things and it's good that my legs hurt so much I want to cut them off. That must mean I worked hard today. Yay me. I passed some sort of healthy living milestone yesterday because I got home from work and cleaned and washed and cooked dinner and did pilates all before Matt got home from work. It felt really energizing to get things done. I must remember that when my id wants to eat ice cream and watch reruns of Firefly.

Monday, September 08, 2008

"One of you is going to trip and die and I'm not cleaning it up"

On the second to last day of work for Charlie, our designer, we had an on the job injury. One of our workers hit herself in the head with a sundial (I wish this was the strangest injury I've had to report, on the upside there's no way anyone would make that up). She was ok and then she wasn't ok and then we went to the emergency room. Charlie came with me because a. the girl couldn't walk and b. I needed moral support. After the emergency room drama, (ps to hospital registrars everywhere...unconscious people can't give their social security numbers...deal with it) we decided we really needed cake. So we went to the one lunch place that has really good cake.

We parked in a general lot and Charlie says "Maybe we should park behind the restaurant incase the boss' wife sees us" and I said "We have a right to eat lunch, don't worry about it". We were seated in the restaurant and after a ten minute discussion about how they didn't have a single cake that day, not even a sliver, Charlie went off to the bathrooms. I sat in my booth, looking out the window and eavesdropping on my fellow diners. The woman in the booth in front of us was talking about a man with the same name as my boss. And you know, she has the same shirt on that the boss' wife had on this morning...and the same hair...and OH SHIT THAT IS THE BOSS' WIFE.

This is where my flight or fight response kicked in. I ran as stealthily as I could to the back where Charlie was. It was just like in a movie where the character tries to escape and hits the dish boy and 2000 china plates crash to the floor except that part didn't happen at all. We hid in the bathroom until our waitress walked by and gave her ten bucks to pack our food to go and show us the back door. It was one of those moments that causes you to evaluate your life because when hiding in the bathroom is the best case scenario you have a serious problem.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

"Good health is merely the slowest possible route to death"

I'm a busy beaver all by myself here. So of course I'm blogging. You know how sometimes your brain doesn't work? It's like that. Probably a result of the drinking. And the slow ammonia poisoning. Apparently singing "wind beneath my wings" on a friday afternoon is sure proof that you've lost touch with sobriety. A few weeks ago we celebrated the retirement of our designer by going out to lunch and just as I was finishing my margarita...the waitress accidentally spilled it. If there's anyone who doesn't need a second margarita on a workday it's officially me. To be fair mr. handyman finished it for me, girly drink or not, and it was all for the best.

The ammonia is a different story. We had a blue print machine that was trying to kill us. Apparently ammonia is heat activated and every afternoon when the temperature would rise the ammonia in the seriously broken blue print machine would seep out. I think it was the poison that broke the camel's back for our designer. A straight month of being poisoned is enough to push anyone over the edge, if it doesn't actually kill them. Super boss didn't seem to care for a whole month as he wasn't here to smell it so we didn't get to toss it until his schedule was cleared and then it was too late. It's a very sad tale. Although I don't think we'd have kept her even if we had wall to wall kittens, it wasn't meant to be.

I lost my train of thought there. Wanna hear about my alterations appointment??? I was sort of hoping for miracles, like somehow tailoring this dress would really consist of full body liposuction. It turns out the dress fits exactly the way it's supposed to. Not even the hem is too long. I saved a ton of money so I should be happy but it just seems insane to me that pulling the dress over my head and stuffing my stuffing in is the way it's supposed to be. The girls assured me that these dresses are made to be impossible. I'm sure it's some holdover of the middle ages, did they have chiffon in the middle ages? Clearly David of Bridal fame is a masochist and should be shot. So I'm left with my dress the way it is and no liposuction and I'm wondering how many Spanx you can wear at once and still have a pulse. Not that the pulse thing is necessarily a deal breaker.