10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

"Man, atonement's a bitch."

Today I am sewing a dress. Or rather I would be if I wasn't blogging and doing everything else I can think of to avoid sewing the dress. I'm a little afraid of this dress. I started in December and realized it wasn't right for christmas and I thought I'd have plenty of time to finish it by april. And I did, have the time that is. It's just that every day I thought about it and every day I said I'll have time tomorrow and lo and behold I'm out of tomorrows. I could easily finish this dress today if I had the physical ability to focus, or the fear of god. The best that can be said is that I'm going to try really hard to finish this bad boy today. All I have to do is cook a quick dinner and help Matt can the maple syrup and then sew till my eyes bleed. Do I know how to have a good time or what?

About the atonement...I need to get my ass to the pilates class I hold in my living room. It's been a long time and I'm paying for it by the fact that my core muscles are killing me. They really need to be stretched. Actually all my muscles need to be stretched. I was reading a book yesterday (instead of sewing) and one of the characters was climbing a muddy hill and found his leg muscles didn't like it. Imagine that. I do that every day and every day I feel older and more decrepit because every day it gets harder to climb that damn hill. Between the rain and the snow melt the road has been mud central for weeks and even the dogs are over it. I have no choice but to keep walking up the hill but sheesh my leg muscles are killing me.

The one thing I learned about myself when I was doing weight watchers is that I don't give myself enough credit for the exercise I do. I've been trying to be more objective about evaluating my exercise and while I know I need to be doing more and different things I don't really take into account how hard our walks are. I'm enjoying jump roping, rope jumping, jumping rope...I'm really not sure...and I know pilates would make me feel better if I did it regularly and I really wish that was enough to make me do it.

Monday, March 29, 2010

"'So, are you still "Grrr"?"

This weekend I had to buy some cat food. I am always buying food for dogs and cats and chickens and boyfriends. There is a lot of eating at my house. Anyway, I had to go to the cat food store which is not the same as the dog food store or the chicken food store or the boyfriend food store. Isn't that just the way, I have to go to 1000 different stores every week. The cat food store is particularly treacherous because they have kitties from the humane society there. The kitties are very cute and meowy and they look extra sad in the cages because the store is huge...it just makes them look more sad and lonely. So I was already emotionally blackmailed when I met Ron, a ginger haired blue eyed kitty with soft long fur and the psychic abilities to make everyone want to adopt him. He's named Ron after Ron Weasley because he has red hair/fur. I want him bad even though it would make Matt need medicating and I would adopt him if I had the money.

He's not on the Bangor humane society website anymore so I'm hoping he has a home because I can't stop thinking about him. I really want to get the dogs a kitten so they can learn that not all kitties are mean but the need for homes for older cats is so great, maybe they have some laid back ones that can build a bridge. I really just want to adopt every homeless cat and dog in the whole world because my human guilt level is really high. I'm clearly on my way to being a cat lady.

Friday, March 26, 2010

"You look good, still drinking the blood of children?"

All of my muscles hurt. It's not even from exercise...it's from decay or age or atrophy...something like that. I haven't felt up to much exercise this week apart from the daily walks with my personal trainers.

They're serious about walking. And bones.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dancing in the streets

So, he be dancin'. This is my grocery store, and my pharmacy and the bookstore I used to work in and the best part is that almost no one reacts at all which is so Maine I can't stand it.

"Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by."

Pastaqueen is right, we did have a sleepover moment talking about bloggers that have disappeared. It was like memorial day for websites past but with a smaller parade. I feel like so many folks have come and gone which sounds like they're soldiers which is an image I am totally not going for because wow enough of us take this too seriously as it is. The three of us all there together sharing a room was kind of awesome because we've all been blogging around the same length of time and we just keep going like energizer bunnies. I understand why people stop blogging or relocate their blogs but I feel like there would be a big hole in my life if I stopped blogging, I really can't imagine it. Word crack.

I miss a lot of people, folks who have gone or moved or went private. There is a void when someone leaves. We put out more of ourselves via internet than I think we realize I heard something recently that was interesting, someone referring to all of our modern communications systems as systems designed to keep people away from each other. I find that I agree with that in many ways which means to me that I need more therapy than I thought because I really would prefer to communicate solely by keyboard. I think that's my most honest time, when I sit behind a computer and really think about what I'm saying and how I want to say it. I feel like the people I miss most are the ones who really made me feel something like how I feel when I'm blogging.

A lot of the sites I read aren't weight loss or fitness related and I don't add them to my blogroll because it's like one of these things isn't like the other and probably it's ocd related. I'm over that now and I'm adding everything I love to my blogroll. Organization be damned because it doesn't really matter. It's my blog and my spot on the interworld and I have been rethinking my goals lately and I don't know what I want from here so I'm just letting it flow until something feels right, however long it takes.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

"I assume there's a perfectly reasonable and not at all insane explanation here."

PastaQueen and Rebecca peer pressured me into buying chocolate granola and just because they were in different states at the time doesn't mean it didn't happen that way. We talked about it at fitbloggin and that's where the pressure came in because everyone said "ooh" when I mentioned it and that "ooh" was enough to make me buy anything. It was something I wasn't sure I wanted to buy because it's granola and granola isn't supposed to chocolatey it's supposed to be wholesome or something. I have a fear of products that sound too good to be true, chocolate granola seemed like it might be one of those products but what with the peer pressuring I bought it anyway.

I bought Bear Naked's Heavenly Chocolate granola. I'm a fan of their vanilla almond granola but it took me a while to really love it, I was a little ambiguous about it when I first tried it and I have to admit I feel the same way about the chocolate. I have expectations of loving it but right now I just like it. It has that chocolate cereal taste that's just a tiny bit off really tasty chocolate, like chocolate poptarts and coco puffs. I'll let you know if I decide it's a life revelation instead of something that's just too good to be true.

Monday, March 22, 2010

'Everyone is so considerate today. I should've slaughtered people weeks ago.'

I've spent all afternoon writing haikus for Merry and I suggest you do the same because it's hilarious. Today started crappily, I had an interview first thing and every single thing went wrong. I told Rebecca I was cursed and that I should look for voodoo jobs and she said something about seeking professional help like with straight jackets or medication, she's a card. It was a total waste of time, again, but it wasn't all bad news because I set something else up for tomorrow that sounds even better. Funny how fast you can go from bummed to pleasantly optimistic. The haikus definitely helped.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Seo appropriate title here

Is it surprising to me that I'm no good at this? I should have learned in July that conferences aren't my thing...what with the people. It would be fine without the people. I've spent weeks and weeks spending my days talking to dogs. They're very supportive communicators and they're always enthusiastic no matter how ridiculous my words are. I think I like blogging because there's a screen and miles of wire and space between myself and you. I'm better with distance. And keyboards. And anonymity.

Must remember this is just not me no matter how much I try.

No cake left behind

At fitbloggin with Rebecca and jennette pondering oatmeal versus captain crunch French toast. Healthy living indeed.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

"this school is sensitive to wrong touching"

It took me ages to find a title and now I can't remember what I was going to blog about. OH, now I remember. I weighed myself this morning after what I assumed would have been a very bad week indeed and it's less than when I was actually trying. The first time I've gotten lower than my previous weight was completely on my own without torturing myself. It's amazing. I haven't been using weight watchers for AGES and I was going to cancel it after fitbloggin. I still might. I know many many people have done amazing things with the help of weight watchers but I guess it's not me. I tried and sometimes it worked but I think for me so much focus on food drives me a little crazy.

I'm hoping the weather will help us continue with our exciting hiking and exercising plans. I'm having a lot of fun discovering the woods without the snow and so are the dog. Jumping rope is still kicking my ass but I definitely need to get a job soon so I can buy a new sports bra, you really need support when jumping rope. A lot of it.

I don't know how many of you read Mimi Smartypants but she wrote a great post about women's health magazine and feelings about numbers on labels and you should read it if you haven't already.

Monday, March 15, 2010

"It was like the Soviet Secret Police, if they cared a lot about shoes."

I found my jumprope last week. I bought it a long time ago and then I guess I lost it but now I found it and seriously jumping rope kicks my ass. And my pecs. Sheesh! I tried to do pilates one afternoon after jumping rope (a pathetic small amount of jumping) and my pectorals hurt so much I only got through about ten minutes. Five minutes of rope jumping makes my lungs burn like running up a hill. It's great exercise with an unexpectedly high learning curve. I'm sure I wasn't this much of a klutz when I was a kid, I have a long way to go.

I should be stepping but my knee is bothering me. I'm packing my knee tape for fitbloggin' but I only signed up to walk a mile. I should be able to walk a mile with no problem, we hike a few miles every day. Yesterday I had a hiking milestone. We snowshoed some trails over the winter and I learned them pretty well but when the snow melts you can't see the trail anymore and it looks just like any other part of the woods. I've been learning the new ground trail a little bit every day and yesterday I did the whole thing without worrying we'd die cold and alone in the woods. The dogs like new trails and I'm glad I learned some navigation skills.

It was a really great hike for me. I just watched a movie on hiking the appalachian trail and I'm all inspired for my summer hiking now. I really want to get some mountains this summer, last year with puppies we were still training and practicing leash walking but I think we're ready to do some actual mountain hiking this year. Knox has his backpack and I guess he'll be taking up the slack for Jolie, carrying toys and poo and snacks. I'm really excited about it actually, the snow is gone early and the weather is pretty beautiful for March. We're off to Bar Harbor today and we might get a little walk in there but probably we'll start our summer hiking right after fitbloggin', I can't wait!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

"Just because this is never going to work, there's no need to be negative."

Today I did some shopping when I was supposed to only be returning. The thing about spending time in stores is the longer you're there the more you're convinced you need everything you see and then you get home and you think "gee, who actually needs a red patent leather belt and a leopard print raincoat". I shouldn't be allowed to go to stores. Those aren't the actual things I bought but it feels like they are. I actually bought some very adorable shoes for a wedding except that I don't have a dress yet and then I bought a houndstooth cardigan to wear to a job I don't have in a season that's quickly disappearing. I never spent this much time in shops when I had a job, I've got things a bit out of order.

I've been using my stepper almost daily. It's very cyclical me and my stepper. Sometimes I just forget it's there and then I remember and I use the heck out of it and except for a crackling in my knee it makes me feel really good. I use some handweights and watch tv and I can easily spend 20-30 minutes exercising that I would have spent sitting and surfing otherwise. I'm definitely noticing my arm muscles more and my leg muscles feel amazing. It's not what I should be doing which is pilates but it's better than nothing. And better than spending money.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

"I don't think he falls into the deadly threat to humanity category"

I'm one of those people who when the power goes out I keep trying to turn on the lights because it's just a habit, like breathing and blinking...there really isn't a thought process. It always makes me feel like an idiot because it's not like I didn't know the power was out. Today I have a new hard drive, which is kind of like having a new computer. It's weird. When I was talking to the applecare folks they asked for a callback number and you know...I don't know my home number. I had to go look it up. I don't know any phone numbers by heart any more because of the little plastic thing I keep with me at all times called my cell phone.

What I'm saying is that my computer is now a blank slate. Do you know how many times I have gone to my bookmarks bar like I always do and there's nothing there. And not only is there nothing there but I can't remember what was there. I took my brain out of the equation with the bookmarks bar and now I just feel stupid. Not as stupid as losing all my pictures and data FOREVER but pretty stupid. I spent a very long time yesterday at the mall scheming about how I was going to recover things from facebook and gmail and I'm working on it. I also gave myself some blisters and made Rebecca cry.

The good news is that my computer is not just an expensive paperweight anymore. More good news is that the good folks of apple in Portland Maine didn't charge me for the new hard drive or the labor. I guess driving three hours both way (uphill, in this much snow) made them sympathetic enough to comp it for me. Now I just have to start over. There are worse things. I could be paying a huge bill and then starting over.

Monday, March 08, 2010

The hard drive is dead, long live the hard drive. Tristan at the apple store in Portland took pity on me and rushed the fix so I don't have to drive back to Bangor at 9. Bless him! I've been shopping for two hours now and I'm starting to get mall fever and I'm giving Rebecca a medical condition with my incessant texting. So much suffering.
My computer is currently flashing a question mark at me. We had a little problem with the worlds largest cookbook ffalling on it. Suffice to say it sucks and I might cry. Preparing to call AppleCare and trade brownies for tech help. If it weren't for those brownies! Meme Roth was right, dessert does kill!

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

"Will hiding in a cavern with stockpiled chocolate goods be any part of this plan?"

Some folks have requested to know what happened at the interview the other day, gluttons for my punishment. Matt had an interesting take in that the place where I went for the interview is sort of known for screw-ups and even though it's upsetting it might actually be a sign as per why I don't want to work there anyway. Alas, here is what happened. I said 10:30 and she said 10:30 and then she wrote down 9:30 in two places which she didn't hesitate to remind me. I re-scheduled but there's no way to fix it, decisions get made in the first 30 seconds and mine are well up. It comes down to very little. I could draw it out but I ought to have called to confirm like the dentist does and it's all my fault even though it's not really because I know she wasn't listening to me, not really. Listening more than talking is the key to everything and also getting written confirmation.

But forget about it because it's snowing and beautiful out. We've gotten the short end of the stick snow wise this year so it's pretty exciting. Right now I'm cooking and cleaning and being a housewife. I cleaned out my closet and I found lots of great clothes I completely forgot I had. This is good because a lot of my jeans aren't fitting that well. I haven't lost all that much weight but my jeans are crazy loose. This is positive because I haven't been a very good weight watcher lately. I'm eating pretty well but I'm not tracking. Tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm planning to start over but it hasn't been a worse week than any other. I'm hovering just under where I've been hovering and I'm almost ready to push harder. This week has been great in a way because I have lots of pre-cooked meals in the fridge and that just makes things so easy. It's not all weight watcher's friendly food but generally high in protein and lower in fat and I'm not looking for snacks all the time. It's something I need to remember, good food in the fridge makes all the difference in how I feel about my day.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

"I don't have a destiny. I'm destiny-free, really."

I don't have words for what happened today but it was not good. I looked great though, so much better than the woman who actually interviewed in my time slot. OH LOOK, I do have some words. Really, I just don't want to talk about it because I have no idea where forward is on this job and probably there isn't one and probably I should just check the paper again and then get drunk. This is not how I thought today would go.

Monday, March 01, 2010

"If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it."

I've been shopping since ever and I've bought everything. So at least I have lots of options. I have two things picked out, a skirt blouse and sweater vs. a suity dress.

These are they, what do you guys think? I tried to photoshop out the mess of my bedroom but I'm not sure I improved the pictures...shame you can't white wash rooms like that. Anyway, I'm fairly confident that either outfit would work and on my last shopping trip I added a new trench coat to complete the ensemble. I wanted to add some very simple shoes but the only ones that worked in my price range were a pair I bought and sold on ebay last year and I couldn't bring myself to do it again, it was just too weird. I picked up a blazer too but it makes me look like a line backer so it's the first to go back tomorrow afternoon.

Thanks for all the advice, you can never have too many opinions about clothes. It takes a village to get dressed. This super sweet lady offered me some of her tiny suits which is amazingly generous but I didn't have enough time to organize the hunger strike that would make those sizes fit me. Rats! I'm rocking the 12 right now but even then some designers are more generous than others with their sizing. We should really organize a clothing swap somehow, shame everyone's flying in for fitbloggin', it's not really practical to pack clothes you're trying to get rid of.

I was expecting the shopping to be more demoralizing but it wasn't. I think it's like Murphy's law of shopping that if you have no money everything will fit and be awesome and when you have cash to burn there's nothing worth buying. Maybe that's all in my head. I dunno. I'm rocking a 12 in most designers but some are more generous than others. The dress above is a calvin klein 12 but another adorable and very cheap dress in the same vein wouldn't go over my head. It was almost an "oh my god I'm stuck in this dress" moment but I saved it just in time. I don't think I've ever tried on so many dresses without crying before. I think that's definitely a step forward.