"Probably just your garden-variety disaster."

Lately I have been taking pictures of everything I cook. I'm trying to make every meal yummy and pretty instead of wasting opportunities on crappy food.


This is what we made for brunch, a raspberry braid. Matt insisted on frosting but it's not in the original recipe...takes a beautiful picture though.


The next photo is one of my favorite meals, chickpeas and spinach over pasta. I think the curly q's take the best photos in addition to having a nice texture.


Christmas breakfast was mini cinnamon rolls. The mini was accidental but totally adorable so I might stick with it!


All that cooking wore Knox out. That dog really loves pillows, the blankets and toy were my additions for a perfect furry nap.

"Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out?"

The family dinner went very well. I cooked my crazy huge expensive turkey and it came out great. I found glasses and plates in boxes downstairs (I was serious about the storage problem) and even Matt was happy to pull out all the nice things for one perfect dinner.

Here is the table with the super cute flower arrangements I made.













This is a close-up on the flowers because I LOVE how they came out.














I used herbes de provence on the turkey and though it doesn't look traditional everyone thought it looked pretty, and tasted amazing. It was stuffed with onions and lemons and smelled amazing.










I made two pies because I couldn't help myself. This is the bourbon chocolate pecan pie I made especially for Matt's dad, the sugarholic.






Here is the apple, I missed my chance to get it without a slice missing but it looks more loved this way...appreciated you might say.


























Everything went off perfectly. I was shocked, I am shocked actually. I expected something to go wrong trying to do so much at once but nothing did. Maybe since it wasn't a real holiday there wasn't as much pressure. Or amybe I am just a goddess of the kitchen. Matt's parents make great dinner guests so it's always nice when they come over. The dogs love them and were perfectly behaved. They actually slept through the whole dinner and were well rewarded afterward. And now I'm looking at the weight watchers website because I'm genuinely failing on my own and I need a jump start. I haven't completely committed to the idea mostly because of the money but damn if Rebecca isn't a shining example of dedication to that program. Anyone have any personal experience either way with WW?

"the favorite of all my current bruises"

This morning I did some shopping for our fakesgiving dinner. Matt is calling it Festivus because apparently that's the only episode of Seinfeld he ever saw and it left an impression. I haven't hosted a dinner like this, ever, so it turns out I needed everything. If it was a real holiday with large and haughty expectations I'd be screwed. It turns out in addition to needing a meat thermometer and baster I don't have enough matching plates. I only have four chairs so I never thought the plates would be a problem and then we decided to add a fifth guest. I haven't solved that problem yet. I really wanted to find a reasonably priced not ugly plate sold in separates but it just doesn't exist and even I can't rationalize storing a set of 8 dishes forever that I'm not completely in love with. One person has to eat off of a salad plate while standing at the counter which is probably what Martha Stewart would do in this situation...that or put her head in the oven. I jest, I jest...she's immortal or something anyway...have you seen her skin?

I've been thinking about it and I can sew up a few more napkins that won't match but will be festive and I'll mix up the plates as best I can. I'm also debating about wine glasses. I don't have any but I bought some baby bottles of white just in case and now I'm thinking I'll have to hit up Goodwill and see what's available for the cheap and unprepared hostess. I feel a bit ridiculous buying something that we'll never use but will have to store FOREVER but I might feel worse serving wine in my mason jar glasses. CLASSY! If anyone has a better idea please let me know, not having the right dishes and glasses is pushing me over the edge. Funny I'm not that worried about the chair.

"I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity"

So, I no longer think my hair makes me look like a person who drains the blood of goats. Now I just think it looks like I write poetry in my parents basement and use too much eyeliner. I should just crash all the mirrors in my house because nothing drives me crazy like worrying over my hair. I am hot like fire after a long walk with the dogs. There is just enough crust on the snow to tire us all out in half the miles we used to walk. It's almost time for snowshoes and extra thick mittens and long johns. The mornings are actually very peaceful and wonderful and I'm really trying to enjoy them.

I've been doing a lot of cooking lately, including a 15 bean soup which is awesome and I totally recommend, and this weekend we're cooking a turkey. I should never have bought a turkey for thanksgiving in the first place but I did and then we didn't cook it so unless I want to lose 30 pounds of freezer space for another year I have to cook the sucker. I guess I'm trading the whole turkey for turkey soup and turkey leftovers and five more pounds on my ass. It has to be done and lesson learned...don't buy a whole turkey unless you're COMPLETELY certain you're going to cook the bugger in a prompt and timely manner. Someone remind me next year!

"Your performance as a disgruntled minion was spot on"

Long time no blog, eh? I don't know what to say, which I guess is sort of the whole point. Today I did some good things and some dumb things and I'm pining for this friday to be over. I started out dyeing my hair. I've had the highlights for awhile and I'm too poor to have them professionally fixed so I did a full color and it's VERY dark. Perhaps I shouldn't have left the color on for fifteen minutes when the box said ten. Perhaps when I'm doing permanent damage to my appearance I should pay more attention to the time. And perhaps I'll get used to it, I hated the highlights when I first got them too. Just because I made my hair look like I spend my nights sucking the blood of the living doesn't mean I won't grow to like it eventually. And then the pie.

Actually, technically I started ruining the pie yesterday. I thought it would be fun to make something for myself that I love on my birthday so I mixed up a pumpkin pie. It looked perfect when I took it out of the oven and yet...today...not cooked. So, I figured since it was already fucked why not try to re-bake it? Why not indeed? Actually I did it twice because the first second baking just wasn't bakey enough. It finally got set after the third baking and into the fridge it went and I just tried a piece and I do believe I neglected to put sugar in it. It tastes very much like gnawing on a raw but custardy pumpkin. On the one hand I don't need a pie but on the other that was a whole lot of work to turn to nada like that. I suppose on the one hand it's a diet friendly pie now, sad.

That's all the dumb things. Why do I always want to talk about the dumb things first? On the good thing list I finished two quilts and a baby blanket for christmas. I have a few more things to sew up for my sister's girls and some pretty little bags I might make for my girly bath stuff gifts. I'm almost in the spirit now that my birthday is over. It was a very peaceful day and there was ice cream cake and I received the gift of a semi-used crock pot and a zone free dvd player so I can watch all 6 ridiculous seasons of Shameless. And I didn't have to cook dinner which is possibly the best present of all. I guess since I have the vampire hair I don't have to ever cook dinner again...I can just make with the pillaging. Upside.

"How many times have I told you not to hit people in the face."

I'm enjoying an unexpected day off. It's been a long week and I feel like a total ass for whine about working all week. I've had a horrible fever and I've been so tired. I made some soup for the week but I'm starving all the time, I can't remembr are you supposed to feed a fever? I spent my worst day in a really cold house and I'm wondering how hard your body has to work to keep warm because it felt like feeding coal into a fire for steam. I'm telling myself that snacking all day was important to my health, pivotal even.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me but a fever is never a good sign. I was worried about sharing my germs with the children I was watching but their dad who is a medical researcher told me about new studies that say the more infections you come across as a child the less likely you are to develop diabetes. It's fascinating really. My sister and I were trying to remember how sick we were as kids to see how we'd fare. It makes me wonder how the development and use of antibacterials ties in with the whole thing but mostly I'm looking at my ouchies and hot hot face with more enthusiasm.