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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"You don't just up and tell a menopausal woman she's fat."

I've been waiting to tell this story, waiting until I could write it down without every other word being offensive and four lettered. The weirdest thing happened to me last week when I went to the grocery store and it's making me more and more angry whenever I think about it. I was just choosing a tomato. It seems simple doesn't it, choosing a tomato at the grocery store. There were a few other shoppers and I waited for a suitable lull around the tomato bin, I didn't want to be rude but still...it's just tomatoes not a bridal sale at FIlene's basement. I picked up a few of the small ones to check them out. It's fair to say I'm a little ocd when it comes to choosing produce. I don't ever take home the first one unless it's perfection is irrefutable. As I picked up the second one the woman next to me said something about not needing to cut in line because she wasn't busy. Obviously I noted it because I remembered to blog it but seriously it's tomatoes so I didn't say anything. When I looked at the third one she said "stop touching them all, I don't want to get swine flu!". What the huh? This was obviously directed at me and it took me a minute to get my head around it. Now, I should have just coughed on her and left but instead I said "If you put a brick through your television you'll have a better life" and then I left. Then she followed me around the market making a "huh" face like I was the one out of line, like I started talking to her, like I am the only person who ever touched those tomatoes which come carefully packaged in little styrofoam jackets, like apparently I'm a pig.

If I wasn't so mad I would have been more freaked out that she kept following me. Who does that exactly? What kind of crazy is that? And if she's so worried about the swine flu why isn't she on a compound in Montana with a semi-automatic? It's been a while since something that weird has happened to me. It was such a refreshing break.


Debbi said...

I haven't laughed out loud reading a blog post in such a long, long time. Oh, how I wish I had the nerve to tell someone to throw a brick through their television set! You go, girl!

Amy said...

I don't know where it came from, it was a gut instinct.

The Merry said...

No no, the woman clearly needs her television! Maybe someone will come on and explain the part about washing vegetables that you bring home from the store.
And about manners.
Oh all right, maybe not manners. Too many reality shows out there.

Or wait -- were there secret cameras in the store? Maybe the woman was herself part of a reality show where contestants have to be rude to people in grocery stores! Hey, I like that explanation.

pinky pinkerson said...

that was crazy. I'm sorry if that was upsetting, or conversely, I'm glad if it was amusing.

thank you for the card - I appreciated it very much.

jh said...

That woman is obviously insane. It is so disturbing when you are minding your own business and things like that happen. It really sticks with me as well unless I have the presence of mind at the time to be firm and authoritative and honest about it. Usually, though, I only think of things to say when I am trying to fall asleep. Jeesh...

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Jennette Fulda said...

Ha! You met a troll at the grocery store! They evidently don't just live in the Internets :)

Amy said...

it was seriously bizarre.