10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

"Good health is merely the slowest possible route to death"

I'm a busy beaver all by myself here. So of course I'm blogging. You know how sometimes your brain doesn't work? It's like that. Probably a result of the drinking. And the slow ammonia poisoning. Apparently singing "wind beneath my wings" on a friday afternoon is sure proof that you've lost touch with sobriety. A few weeks ago we celebrated the retirement of our designer by going out to lunch and just as I was finishing my margarita...the waitress accidentally spilled it. If there's anyone who doesn't need a second margarita on a workday it's officially me. To be fair mr. handyman finished it for me, girly drink or not, and it was all for the best.

The ammonia is a different story. We had a blue print machine that was trying to kill us. Apparently ammonia is heat activated and every afternoon when the temperature would rise the ammonia in the seriously broken blue print machine would seep out. I think it was the poison that broke the camel's back for our designer. A straight month of being poisoned is enough to push anyone over the edge, if it doesn't actually kill them. Super boss didn't seem to care for a whole month as he wasn't here to smell it so we didn't get to toss it until his schedule was cleared and then it was too late. It's a very sad tale. Although I don't think we'd have kept her even if we had wall to wall kittens, it wasn't meant to be.

I lost my train of thought there. Wanna hear about my alterations appointment??? I was sort of hoping for miracles, like somehow tailoring this dress would really consist of full body liposuction. It turns out the dress fits exactly the way it's supposed to. Not even the hem is too long. I saved a ton of money so I should be happy but it just seems insane to me that pulling the dress over my head and stuffing my stuffing in is the way it's supposed to be. The girls assured me that these dresses are made to be impossible. I'm sure it's some holdover of the middle ages, did they have chiffon in the middle ages? Clearly David of Bridal fame is a masochist and should be shot. So I'm left with my dress the way it is and no liposuction and I'm wondering how many Spanx you can wear at once and still have a pulse. Not that the pulse thing is necessarily a deal breaker.


pinky pinkerson said...

I was once in a play where I had to wear a skimpy costume - I wore not one, not two, but three pairs of granny panties to hold it in. The irony was that I was fairly thin at the time, but there will always be stomachs, no matter how thin you are.

Also - I too have cursed David of bridal fame, who is he and where is his house so we can egg it?

Amy said...

Totally, he's a bastard. I know I'll be to busy to be looking at my fat but I'd rather go in a little bit confident and constricted.