10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

"You play in the dirt, you get dirty"

Today is all about accepting consequences. How deep of me I know. I don't usually start out posts with, like, a point but I'm trying to grow here. It strikes me that the whole getting out of my comfort zone diet phase was a good move for me in completely the wrong forum. I don't need to eat and exercise substantially differently, I just need to do it all better. I've known that all along and yet I still accept lest than the best from myself on this issue but expect more as a result.

One of the things that has me frustrated with my job situation is that I feel taken for granted. Matt put it really well when he said "you're so good that they hold you to a higher standard". Well crap, he's totally right and in more ways than he knows. I realized I'm taking my body for granted and holding it at a higher standard all at the same time, it's screwing with my mind. I want it to be healthier and thinner and stronger, and I want it to happen even though I'm not giving it all things it needs to make that happen. I want it to perform more with less and also quicker. What a jerk I am. I'd quit on me too, and possibly write a strongly worded letter.

I'm actually a big believer in facing the music. If I make a mistake I say so. If I get pulled over for speeding I don't bullshit the cop, I tell the truth and I've never gotten a ticket. There are two big areas of my life where I am the excuse queen, my job and my weight. It's time for all that to stop. I don't see my friends as often as I should to work a poorly paying job I hate. What is the real cost of that excuse? How does the quality of my life pay for that in the long run? What is the real cost of not exercising every night because there are dishes to do or a new netflix that I can't get off the couch for? There are always going to be dishes to wash and I'm always going to be the fat girl washing them until I summon the courage to make myself work harder. So, the next time I decide I need to rest on the couch or eat a poptart when I'm not even that hungry it will be because I have chosen to stay this weight. If I don't start evaluating every decision and making them count I'm never going to make the sort of progress that I want. And I'll never stop hearing that music-like humming in the distance...


Sugarcrook said...

The Wire++

Rebecca said...

what a great frickin way of summing that up!!!

however, it's hard man. it's hard knowing you have to make those changes because, at least for me, I want that instant gratification.

and ditto on the job thing.

i know we can do this!!

Amy said...

The Wire quotes are harder to come by then buffy, I have to actually write them down you know. They're fun though.

Sure we can but the patience is killing me here.

HappyBlogChick said...

What a powerful post.

I know it's about you, but it resonates with me. You say "the next time I decide I need to rest on the couch or eat a poptart when I'm not even that hungry it will be because I have chosen to stay this weight." ... I think that's one thing that's been missing for me since New Years. I was in touch with that perspective Oct-Dec 22, and then somehow it became very easy to forget it post-holidays. Now I realize I need to find a way to keep that in the front of my mind.

Perhaps a tattoo is in order? OK, maybe not that.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Adjusting your perspective has helped me adjust mine, too.

Good for you for accepting consequences, and for being such a guru while you're at it!

Amy said...

A guru, that's awesome. Your tattoo idea reminds me of something. In college there were these girls who, one night, didn't want to do their school work. They went to Cracker Barrel and got applications. Every time they didn't want to write a paper or study for a test they had to fill out a section of the application and if it ever got filled they had to turn them in and drop out of school. Harsh, but important things deserve work...and consequences.

HappyBlogChick said...

I wanted to let you know that today you helped inspire me to go do week 1, day 1 of the couch to 5k running plan after work. So far this year I've been making the choice to stay on my arse and not get anywhere in getting in shape. That's not my choice anymore. Thanks for the boost!

I'm going to link to you in my next blog post - shoot me an email or a comment if that's not cool with you.

Amy said...

no problem!

Sally JPA said...

We certainly have to take responsibility for our weight and our health, because no one else is going to.

Because I tend to be very perfectionistic in some areas of my life, I used to apply that to my body as well. And my finances. I gave it up on my finances and started taking baby steps, and it worked there. And now it's been working with my weight, too. Baby steps--and self-love, switching away from trying to whip myself into shape into trying to care myself into shape.

Amy said...

It really is all about baby steps.