"Can't this thing go any faster? Ultimate driving machine, my ass."

i just turned down an offer to phone interview some fab diet doctor. anyone else get that email? he seems like a decent guy. shame i don't have a phone. there are a lot of good things about being out of the modern loop, like never hearing from telemarketers, but sometimes it is kind of a bummer. like when your dad keeps calling your cell and it never rings and then he thinks you're dead. bummer. so, cindy, i'm genuinely sorry. it's rare i miss a chance for shameless self promotion. but not rare enough to stand out at a payphone for an hour. i'd miss my shows. heh.

but anyway, yeah, 168 two days in a row. check me and my skinniness. i'm even wearing clothes that fit today. some ancient skirt from the limited when a 12 was really a 12. 'course i'm freezing, i think i got frostbite on my morning walk. what is with may when april was so hot. when it wasn't snowing. and they say the climate isn't changing.

i guess i'm feeling a little dramatic today. i'm on this mission to streamline my spending, and of course the space thing, and still i bought an ice cream cake last night. it was sort of a foody night. i didn't eat the ice cream cake. probably i'll leave it in the freezer till the pink icing petrifies, but i sort of had to have it. like how the pizza place shined it's lights on last night just as we were leaving work. the bastards opened early this year. how am i supposed to go home to tofu stir fry when the red light pizza district beckons? i know tomorrow i will fail. i'm frickin' planning on it. matt has to work late so i'm on my own for dinner. thank the lord i can buy it by the slice, that way i can take my dignity home instead of half a pie.

what else is up. skinny, skirt, oh yeah...tights. you know how when you're getting fatter you try really hard to wear your normal clothes? so you can convince yourself you haven't gained ten pounds in three days and everything will be fine again just wait and see? when you start to come down again is when you realize just how much you've stretched those clothes. and how they're pretty much ruined. i didn't know it could happen to tights. well, i just never thought about it. tights, it's all in the name. i had assumed they're supposed to want to kill you when you're wearing them. apparently no. my skirt salvation was damn near void this morning when i couldn't find any tights that would stay up. thirty pounds is a lot of thigh. i finally found some before i had an actual breakdown about it. some that had never been opened. the upside of being a shopaholic packrat. i know it's just clothes, just things i bought to make myself feel pretty, i'm really sad about throwing them away. like i'm throwing away the person who used to wear them and how maybe that's the right thing to do. it's hard to take in sometimes.