10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

"Okay. I'm not panicking. I'm not. I'm not. Stop looking at me like I'm panicking!"

last week i started a post about all the pople who have been commenting on my weight. this is a snippet:

this week more people have commented on my weightloss than ever before. when the season started quite a few people i hadn't seen since last year made comments about it. some of them were run of the mill "you've lost weight" and some had the "you look great" addendum. i personally prefer the addendum because it's easier to be gracious. you receive a compliment, you say thank you and then it's all over. when someone just says "you've lost weight" it can be awkward. like it's a challenge and you're expected to defend it. it's at the weirdest when someone you see every day says something. this morning i was told i've lost a lot of weight, and it's not that i'm offended because it is a fact and in its way a compliment, it just makes me think "what, since tuesday?".

good times, good times. the next part was about how in reality i had gained a wee pound since my exciting 166 pounds weigh in. that was my favorite. oh, the one pound gain. the tears, the laughter. what larks! in the middle of writing that paragraph i wrote something along the lines of "gee, i wonder if it's only up because the dial isn't set to zero". and then i got busy and it never got published. when i went home and saw that no, the dial wasn't set to a perfect zero, i fixed it. and this, i think, is the funniest part. the part where the next time i weigh myself it's 173. that scale, such a card.

so, can i say now that last week was an extraordinary week. i have never so effectively followed a meal plan, deflected salacious chocolate advances, and actually exercised. and, it seems, all for naught. on the one hand i'm glad i had the start of this post to read this morning and remember that there is a visual difference to the naked eye. the naked eye that isn't mine anyway. the other hand is really pissed off about it. intractable even.

i'm toying with a few things. one of them is not doing anything. keeping my habits and my goals and continuing on the path to righteousness. another is to try something new and switch things around, putting some focus back on trying to run in the mornings. maybe try a new knee brace, maybe new running shoes as the doctor suggested. the third, and i'm leaning very hard on this point, is getting a new damn scale and possible keeping it at work.

not because i want to obsess at work, but just in case the floors are more level here. that would mean some changes, because i couldn't weigh in naked, 'specially with the cameras, and i would have something in my stomach which i don't when i do it at home. a new scale and a new frame of reference for the numbers would be a pain, but probably a worthy pursuit. accuracy didn't bother me before, as long as there was a trend, but it's starting to bother me now. i don't want to walk into my physical next year thinking i've lost another 20 pounds, or 10 or 1, and find out i'm maintaining to the ounce.

so, yet again, i'm re-thinking things. i suppose i should be glad that i'm still trying and not yet giving up. every day i can say that is a victory. it's not just about going forward, it's about not going back too. i forget that at times when all i do is mourn the body i don't have yet. i should have kept a pair of 16's in my closet. i had good reason to get rid of them but i think one really horrible pair of fat pants that i could pull out at times like these would be helpful. i'll have to stick to reading my archives to remind myself of where i could be.


pinky pinkerson said...

It is really helpful to have something in the biggest size you were - when you try something on that falls to the floor, that really feels like SOMETHING. Good on you for losing enough that people notice, it is a funny thing when they start to say things, isn't it!

I am exercising a lot more than usual - my legs are killing me! But it isn't to look or even feel better - its to prepare for something lifechanging and a little terrifying. Did I mention I am creating new life? :-)

Jennette Fulda said...

When I started weighing myself I had to keep the scale in our front hall closet because that was the only space with a flat, hard floor. That's also the reason I didn't weigh-in naked :)

And what you said about not going backward is so true.

Amy said...

you haven't mentioned the new life no, except for the no more trouser socks thing which i thought would mean there was something coming. i've been waiting with baited breath. or is it bated? from my myriad experiences with bait, baited breath sound sort of nasty.

i'm going to be one of those people who wear sundresses to weight watchers in february. not that there's anything wrong with that. maybe i'll weigh my outfits seperately because i'm just not ocd enough as it is.

Debbi said...

Change is good, whether it's an exercise routine or a scale. Anything that motivates, that's my rule. Must've sucked to see that number after all the good work you've put in. Been there, done that. Actually, I do that week after week after freakin' week. I've heard misery loves company, though.

pinky pinkerson said...

heh - I wasn't creating new life when I quit my job, but it was sort of a semisecret project which came to fruition much more quickly than I expected!

Dude, gals would weigh in at my old WW meetings PRACTICALLY NAKED. Like - strip down to sports bra and shorty shorts. I just wore the same outfit every time, even when it was falling off.

Lauren said...

maybe try your old scale at work to see what the difference would be before deciding where the new scale would go? Don't mind me, I'm anal retentive.

Amy said...

misery does love company, and assault rifles.

pinky is a tease with her semi-secrets.

i totally intend to bring the old scale to work, but i also think it's buggered. i made matt try it out and it said he was five pounds heavier. i didn't watch though so maybe he's breaking it to me easy.

pinky pinkerson said...

Hee - my nonsecret will soon become obvious to everyone, even those who do not care :-)

(but it is weird to be harboring another human in your body and still look pretty much just like yourself, fourteen weeks into it. I've heard that six weeks from now there will be no doubts. But who knows. They say big ladies sometimes show later)

Amy said...

a project indeed. congratulations. where am i going to find a thirsty whale shirt that small?

pinky pinkerson said...

now that is just the cutest possible comment you could have ever made :-)

(oh they don't make onesies? heh. The local bar that is so smoky I can't even go in on a normal day has onesies up on the wall. If you buy something there, you have to wash it very, very well)

Amy said...

i asked and they don't, although it seemed like they could if they wanted to. i'm definitely on it, just so you know.

Amy said...

and can i also say that i totally read that creating new life as though you were going back packing in nepal. e-communications so often leave me feeling dim.

pinky pinkerson said...

heh - did you really ask? I LOVE that!

There are some tiny soft leather whale shoes I've seen that are desperately overpriced, but I might have to get them, boy or girl. Although I have been out with a friend while her baby girl was wearing a blue *dress* and people thought she was a boy. It was a dress with flowers! So we'll have to see if it is a Bob or a Jane before I decide to mess with people's gender expectations.