last week i started a post about all the pople who have been commenting on my weight. this is a snippet:
this week more people have commented on my weightloss than ever before. when the season started quite a few people i hadn't seen since last year made comments about it. some of them were run of the mill "you've lost weight" and some had the "you look great" addendum. i personally prefer the addendum because it's easier to be gracious. you receive a compliment, you say thank you and then it's all over. when someone just says "you've lost weight" it can be awkward. like it's a challenge and you're expected to defend it. it's at the weirdest when someone you see every day says something. this morning i was told i've lost a lot of weight, and it's not that i'm offended because it is a fact and in its way a compliment, it just makes me think "what, since tuesday?".
good times, good times. the next part was about how in reality i had gained a wee pound since my exciting 166 pounds weigh in. that was my favorite. oh, the one pound gain. the tears, the laughter. what larks! in the middle of writing that paragraph i wrote something along the lines of "gee, i wonder if it's only up because the dial isn't set to zero". and then i got busy and it never got published. when i went home and saw that no, the dial wasn't set to a perfect zero, i fixed it. and this, i think, is the funniest part. the part where the next time i weigh myself it's 173. that scale, such a card.
so, can i say now that last week was an extraordinary week. i have never so effectively followed a meal plan, deflected salacious chocolate advances, and actually exercised. and, it seems, all for naught. on the one hand i'm glad i had the start of this post to read this morning and remember that there is a visual difference to the naked eye. the naked eye that isn't mine anyway. the other hand is really pissed off about it. intractable even.
i'm toying with a few things. one of them is not doing anything. keeping my habits and my goals and continuing on the path to righteousness. another is to try something new and switch things around, putting some focus back on trying to run in the mornings. maybe try a new knee brace, maybe new running shoes as the doctor suggested. the third, and i'm leaning very hard on this point, is getting a new damn scale and possible keeping it at work.
not because i want to obsess at work, but just in case the floors are more level here. that would mean some changes, because i couldn't weigh in naked, 'specially with the cameras, and i would have something in my stomach which i don't when i do it at home. a new scale and a new frame of reference for the numbers would be a pain, but probably a worthy pursuit. accuracy didn't bother me before, as long as there was a trend, but it's starting to bother me now. i don't want to walk into my physical next year thinking i've lost another 20 pounds, or 10 or 1, and find out i'm maintaining to the ounce.
so, yet again, i'm re-thinking things. i suppose i should be glad that i'm still trying and not yet giving up. every day i can say that is a victory. it's not just about going forward, it's about not going back too. i forget that at times when all i do is mourn the body i don't have yet. i should have kept a pair of 16's in my closet. i had good reason to get rid of them but i think one really horrible pair of fat pants that i could pull out at times like these would be helpful. i'll have to stick to reading my archives to remind myself of where i could be.