10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"Are you a fan of delicious flavor?"

Right now I'm preparing to bake Matt's cookies. Things were so busy the last week that he had to make due with oatmeal cream pies. The poor dear. So now I'm trying to decide what flavor to bake. The last time I made chocolate chip I ate almost half of them myself so I'm thinking broccoli or turnip flavor. No, actually they have to be really good ones today. I had planned to go home this weekend and the aforementioned poor matt had to remind me it's his birthday weekend...because I am a very terrible girlfriend. I feel really bad about forgetting so I might have to bake cookies made out of playboy bunnies or something.

I'm really unused to my life being this busy. My sister is visiting and I had meant to spend every weekend at home and then there's Matt's birthday and another friend is flying up in the next week. I'm used to a completely blank calendar. Flossing is usually my most exciting plan and I'm feeling extra frazzled by all this stuff being packed so close together. And I'm really behind on my hiking with this super crappy weather we've been having. The farms are suffering and the cows and horses are going to starve but I'm upset about my hiking. I'm genuinely worried about all of it, the rain really, really has to stop before the whole state regresses to the middle ages.

Even the lobstermen are screwed because apparently when I was gone there was a shooting over fishing territory on Matinicus and the judge ordered the whole island to stop fishing. That seems fair, an entire island of fishing families can starve to death because you don't know how to handle a fishing dispute. I've only lived here a few years and I know a whole community of fisherman aren't going to become paralegals and telemarketers because some judge tells them to stop fishing. Morons. I've never seen a state more intent on destroying the people who live there, it's unbelievable. But whatever, I still have cookies to bake. I can't wait to see how this fishing thing turns out, if there's any group you don't want to piss off it's the people who work the atlantic ocean in t-shirts all winter. Hard as fucking nails they are.


It's our very first potato. Accidentally plucked when Matt did the last hilling. I think it's a good sign that soon we'll be a big fabulous farm and Matt said "at least we got one". One of us knows how to handle our expectations anyway.

And this is what I mean by the chickens now being huge. Remember how they started out? Look, they don't even fit on the camera. Look at those feet! If I had known how horrified I'd be of their feet I would have kept buying eggs in the store forever and ever. The kind that come from plastic containers and not at all real animals with feet the size of Guam. If only I'd known...

In other news, I'll be adding photos to the last few posts. It will come as a surprise to no one when I reveal that I lost my phone between New Hampshire and Maine and just found it again. I really need my own personal assistant.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

"Let joy be unconfined. But I am NOT playing scrabble."

So I made it pretty obvious that the trip to blogher stressed me out, packing and reserving and flying are none of my favorite things. Everything actually went very well and I didn't need to exude enough anxious energy to power a small town. I should sat everything went very well until I arrived at hotel reception. Turns out there were two people with my exact name. He was really confused and I think he thought I was fucking with him until I brought out my id. It was super stressful sorting out the room and roommates business but the weirdest part was when Rebecca and I ended up at her breakfast table. Unfortunately I lost her business card, I lost all of my business cards except for the ones I got at the very end so essentially I met myself and then lost my own business card. Shame. I do however have her picture so if another mix up happens with my name I can hire a detective. Amies can be shifty.

I guess it's been awhile since I've been gone that long, the house seems so different. The chickens grew like weeds and are kind of freaking me out, their feet are HUGE and they have TALONS now. Talons. What is with that? Why does a domestic bird need talons anyway? And there are tons of vegetables in the fridge which means that Matt ate nothing but baked potatoes and grilled meat while I was gone. Le sigh. I've been cooking double vegetables in a desperate bid to use them before they go bad and to keep Matt from getting the scurvy...unless of course he has a hidden desire to be a pirate.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

BlogHer or something

So, the weirdest thing about blogher was that almost none of the people I met were writers. More than one woman asked me who I blog for and when I said "me" they looked at me like I had five heads. What a concept, to blog for oneself. To not be selling a product or researching a market, how novel...how quaint. A lot of people asked me how long I've been blogging and I've never really thought about it, I had to count on the spot and it was almost 8 years. I started back when you had to work the html yourself. I felt like an old lady...when I started blogging it was uphill both ways in THIS much snow! They were all new bloggers, within a year or two, and they all looked at me like "oh my god, you've been blogging that long and you're not Dooce yet!" The fear was palpable. So was my irritation. I'm definitely going to have to work on that, a professional demeanor. Or something.

In some ways it was a very expensive disappointment, but I learned a lot. None of what I expected to learn but lessons none the less. In a very practical way I suppose it was worth it but I won't be rushing out to go again. I don't fancy paying to be part of someone else's market research again.

But that makes it sound like I didn't have any fun at all ever. Which isn't true because there was a lot of chocolate. And I had a lovely roommate who had really excellent hair in addition to being a sweetie. There she is working while I took a picture of my feet, cute flip flops!

And then PastaQueen ate half my dinner, it's going to be a whole chapter in my memoir. It was very romantic and all, candlelit...very special.

And then I got my ass kicked in bowling by a pregnant woman. Lisa was really a very good sport about wiping the floor with Rebecca and I, gracious.

I'm very happy to be home with Matt and puppy and my sofa and my bed. It was a long day but I didn't have to stage a bus protest on the road to Indianapolis so I made out pretty good. And I got a shit load of cleaning products, more re-usable bags than I could ever lose and a disturbing bunny shaped vibrator so all in all it was an interesting weekend.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

"no, your fat makes you look fat"

And other lovely things people have said to me this weekend. Actually she was kidding but it still took me off guard. I came here thinking "gee, I don't know if I'm a fitness blogger" and then that was the only panel that spoke to me. Half the people here are schilling for someone elses business and it's really alienating. I'll write more about that from a real computer but from here on out I'm waving the fitness flag.

Friday, July 24, 2009

"I'm just a slut, where's my parade?"

Im supposed to be learning about my personsl value bit I really just want a free walmart swag bag.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Chicago bus drivers are really very nice

I didn't die on the plane so that's something. I told everyone the plane would be tiny and they all said "no, Chicago is huge...it'll be a big plane" but no. I've seen purses bigger than that plane. But anyway that part is over, I'm sitting in our room pining for rebecca...and also staring down the minibar. Chicago transport rocks by the way, thanks Nick!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

"lies around on his back all day. Sounds like hard work to me."

I'm watching Clue and baking cookies and finishing up the dishes. I really don't want to do the dishes. Do you think Matt would notice if I buried them in the yard instead? Me either, he'll be much too busy with all the furries and cheepies and all the other Matt things he has planned. I'm driving to NH today and flying to chicago tomorrow if I can will myself on to the plane. I haven't flown since multiple pairs of mix matched scrunchy socks were popular. I keep reading the TSA website about what to do and what I can bring and thank christ I'm flying out of Manchester because I'm pretty sure that airport is relaxed and small enough to hold my hand a bit. Also I have that xanax from my hair lady so if there's an inflight disturbance and a crazy woman gets arrested in chicago it's me. Hi!

I've left Matt instructions in case I crash. On a post-it note. Classy! Mostly he's supposed to take the best care he can of my woof and my meow and inherit all twelve of my dollars. Lucky, lucky man. And now woofy really wants to go outside so I'm off.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


I'm actually getting used to the highlights. The front one still starts my heart a bit when I step in front of the mirror but overall I don't want to cry anymore. I left a few freaked out messages with the hair lady and finally talked to her and now I feel bad about how bad she feels. She's going to fix it on tuesday and hopefully we can be friends again. I like the look, just not the color. I think probably if you've never had a tan you simply have no way to pull off blond highlights, it's just not natural.

I think this week is bound to be stressful with or without the hair do. I'm trying to set Matt up so he won't starve while I'm in chicago and get my client prepared too. She told me today she's throwing a cocktail party tomorrow. A whole day of notice! Whoo! It's kind of fun really. She has a beautiful apartment so it's way fun to get things ready. My apartment is so tiny and cramped that parties are a pain, but hers is perfect. She has me on a mission to find sherry glasses and a cd of Debussy by tomorrow night. There are some days that my job is great, I love a shopping challenge.

Friday, July 17, 2009

first she gave me xanax then she gave me a discount

I thought that the massive bug zits I mentioned this morning would be the worst part of my day but no, then I went to get my hair done. Now, the purpose of paying for it to be done by someone else was to keep me from making myself look like a moron. The word she used was caramel. The color is more, I don't know...oh my god blonde. On the one hand, the insane nail polish and the giant bite marks might detract from the blonde, or vice versa but either way I'm going to need more xanax. She offered to try and fix it if I simply can't live with it. What do y'all think?

"not so fast, I don't want to wake up pregnant"

They're not zits, they're bug bites. It's a grooming dilemma. There's simply nothing to be done but wait it out and buy a bug net. Who would have known spreading manure would have such lasting consequences, I would have thought doing the actual spreading punishment enough but I guess not. I wrote before about puppy getting bug bites too and blowing up to look like a pug on steroids but judging from his nose in a bee's nest activity this morning I'm thinking it was a wasp sting instead. They actually chased us down the hill, they must have been really mad. On the one hand the bees/wasps are good for the garden and the fruit trees, on the other there is only so much benadryl in the world, we're not sure what to do about them. We haven't had trouble until now but it's not like we can give the woof a stern talking to. He either learns from his pain or he doesn't, either way we have to keep treating him. I'm hoping he didn't get a sting today, there's no way to know until his nose swells up. Que Pobrecita.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"Pick a job and then become the person that does it."

Matt and I have a Harry Potter date tonight. We had meant to go last night...but things didn't work out. I couldn't leave woofy alone for 13 hours just to see a movie that will probably be playing for a month. I'm looking at skirts I don't need to buy and getting ready to go pick up huge hunks of metal for Matt, and then I have to torture the chickens. Sometimes they are very calm when we handle them I just wish I could figure out what makes the difference. I would sing opera if it kept them calm when we change the water.

Days off are always so crazy. No matter how much I schedule my time I find it just slipping away. The puppy runs off with the roll of paper towels and it takes 20 minutes to get it back and then the chickens practice their flying and tip over the feeder. And the rest of the time I spend motivating myself to do the next task. Dishes! Can't wait to do the dishes! Can't wait to get 'em done and move on to the laundry! And dusting!!! I love dusting!!! A lot!!! Whoo!!! I think I broke the exclamation point key with all the excitement of house cleaning. I'll never be able to show you guys how excited I am ever again. I'll have to use words to express my feelings instead of excessive punctuation, like a real writer. The humanity.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

"Step 1: You start running. There is no Step 2."

My puppy is swollen. His skinny collie nose got about a hundred bug bites and now he looks like a pug. I got a bunch of bug bites too only I have opposable thumbs for scratching and applying lotions and drinking heavily. No, actually I made a pie but that wasn't bug bite related. I was just hungry. Anyway, my dog is excessively round and I'm feeding him benadryl. I sought veterinary assistance and even though it freaks me out to give him benadryl, I gave him half her recommended dosage. He looks a lot better, it's quite a relief. He was finding more and more interesting places to stick his snout for scratching potential.

He was eerily calm on the medicine and let kitty walk right by without even lifting his head. Matt said we should sedate them on a rotating basis but probably that wouldn't make us pet parents of the year. The chickens however could seriously use some valium. You're supposed to play with them to get them used to you but I think it makes them even more insane. There is one chicken who is very sweet and calm and lets us pick her up with no fuss, she's my favorite. I'm going to name her fluffy and she'll be my best feathered friend. The rest we're calling Kung Pow! at least until they freakin' relax. Sheesh.

Monday, July 13, 2009

"can't prepare for a naked woman and a hog"

Insert words here. That's what I feel like about posting lately. I want to write all these words and yet I sit down to type and these spastic paragraphs fly on to the screen and I can't bring myself to post them. Today I bought manure. That was my big excitement, buying manure. Which I stacked next to my groceries and now that I think of it is kind of gross. I felt extra special walking through walmart with my cart o' poo. It's actually very heavy so I didn't get to spread it yet, I need my house boy to come home and carry it up the hill for me.

I'm watching Mad Men and I'm wondering what it would be like to buy and wear those dresses all the time. I have enough anxiety buying t shirts. We actually have a wedding to go to in the fall and at first I thought "Oh shit, I need a dress!" and then we got the invitation and we have to bring our own food, drink and chairs so I'm thinking I probably don't need to run to Neiman Marcus, maybe not even TJ Maxx. On the flipside I invited my family to stay with me and now I need to buy towels and sheets that won't embarrass me forever. I think I'm the only one to inherit my mother's houseware obsessed genes. I almost had a heart attack last week when I went to serve pie and realized I had no dessert plates in the kitchen. Tragedy! Serving a whole pie to four people with just forks is socially inept but would have been a kickass blog picture.

Anyway I want the house to be comfortable if the family comes to visit. I always find myself searching for towels near sinks and trying to get soap out of empty dispensers. Those things drive me crazy. Especially as you wonder how the people who live there ever wash their hands. I definitely don't have enough bath towels for everyone but I guess if you can ask wedding guests to bring their own food you can ask your family to bring some towels. Le sigh!

Monday, July 06, 2009

What to pack for Blogher, slacker edition

I think a lot about packing. In my head I'm really good at putting things in bags and taking them places and arriving at the place with all the right things. I make a lot of lists and I visualize the packing and then the day comes and I find myself in Montreal with only the flip flops I rode in on. That being the case I started packing for Blogher today, almost two whole weeks early, in the hopes of arriving in Chicago with comfortable shoes and enough underwear and a toothbrush.

I'm limiting myself to a purse and one carry on so it's imperative that I don't pack two hundred t-shirts and leave out my phone charger. The bulk of my luggage is going to be things like sunscreen and notebooks and hair care products so the clothes are going to have to earn their place in my bag. I pulled out all of my favorite things today, all the clothes that put a spring in my step when I wear them. I want things that can do double duty and things I can layer because the air-conditioning is going to be freezing. I removed all the sports wear immediately because this is definitely not a trip for exercising, why even bother with the pretense. I took out everything that doesn't fit perfectly right now and everything that isn't completely comfortable, and everything that isn't looking as good as it should be because you don't meet your new bff's with stains on your shirt.

The things that were left out on the bed had a lot of things in common, so it looks like I'm definitely bringing a black and a white t-shirt, this scarf, trouser jeans, one or two colorful tank tops, a cardigan, and one new t-shirt from Martin & Osa that makes me want to drool. I'm going to use jewelry and shoes to bridge the day to evening gap, and of course make-up, but otherwise I'm bringing as little as possible.

I tried really hard not to buy anything for this trip because it's expensive enough without remaking one's wardrobe. There are some things I just didn't have, like a suitcase, which I had to purchase. I also bought some travel things like little bottles and some of those bags that squash all your clothes into pancakes. It would be really easy to buy all new things and be some new person for three days but what in the world would be the point. Too easy.

Friday, July 03, 2009

"This could be mathier"

I had such a good day at work yesterday I could practically sing. It was totally awesome. And I've decided to stop being afraid of driving the new car today. I'm going to take it out to the mall to return the hello kitty car seats, yes the ones Pinky linked to that were totally on clearance at Target but do not fit. Unless someone else wants them in which case leave a comment super fast. I opened the door yesterday to get my sunglasses out and was almost killed by the stewing new car smell so I thought I'd better take the chance to air that sucker out before it turns out like my dad's pickup which I have to drive wearing a gas mask. Hard to have a road trip in a gas mask.

The chickens are getting huge. I keep forgetting how things with short life spans grow so damn fast. There's one that's particularly girthy and I'm hoping it's just a brick house of a hen because I don't need a rooster. I'm willing henness upon that chick with my whole psyche. Not that it's the worst thing in the whole world if we have a rooster it's just that they're sort of useless to our purposes. We require eggs, not more chicks but roosters do have redeeming qualities like torturing the neighbors and adding a layer of protection to his harem. My dad was telling me a story about his childhood where the kids all got pastel colored chicks for easter. They raised them in a box by the furnace and built them a coop. They had 5 roosters and 1 hen, until the day my uncle hung his bow and arrow target on the side of the coop and took out the only laying hen with his first shot. My grandma butchered the roosters in retaliation but no one would eat them. That same uncle also used a slingshot to rescue grandma's parakeet from a tree in the yard...funny how he only ever hit something he intended to miss.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Trouble with Tribbles

I don't know why, I just can't get that out of my head so I made it a title. Seek no reason here and you won't be totally disappointed. Woof and I went to the island today and actually saw some sunshine. The weather was starting to get us down and we aren't the only ones because they've been playing that 10,000 maniacs song almost as much as thriller this week. I'm glad we took a chance and drove down there because we had a very nice walk, jumped on some missionaries and made one asian family grab their children and run by us like I had an alligator on the leash instead of a puppy. But whatever...

Here are some pictures of the walk. We went from otter point to thunder hole but I'm not quite sure where those rocks are. Pink granite sort of appears everywhere, it's hard to get an exact local. The picture with the rock climbers is otter cliffs. They must have been feeling lucky because in that fog a boat could never get to them if they fell, they'd be screwed...not that you wouldn't be screwed anyway falling off a cliff. I digress. It was a really beautiful day, fog suits the occasion but it did clear when we got closer to sand beach.

I added a few more miles of new trail to my map and if the weather finally breaks we'll get back to the carriage roads. Witch hole pond is next, it's supposed to be really lovely and it's short enough for us to easily do in a day. I heart being a hiker, I really do.