10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Cowering in a closet is starting to seem like a reasonable plan."

I had this very, very smart friend in high school who once missed a whole day of classes because she saw a man with a gun in her house and was too freaked to do anything but hide in her closet. The man was her brother and the gun was a paint gun and he liked to spend his mornings before school shooting the train that went by their backyard. She didn't ever sleep and I think it added a little crazy to her genius and probably right now she is curing cancer or building a car that runs off of pop tarts. I've been thinking about her all the time lately, her electric blue camaro and the crayon scribed notes from her parents she would forge. I think of her lately because I feel like I'm trying to find myself in my new life, I'm trying to be very present with my wants and needs and I really miss that girl. She was awesome in every possible way.

One night we were driving home from Boston and she got very serious in the backseat because she thought the lights from the on coming traffic was a plane landing and she told us she loved us because she really thought we were all going to die. I don't think I have ever been that honest, not ever. She was the definition of an open book, all of her thoughts and feelings were true and expressed well even when they weren't because it just felt like life to be with her. I don't know if I ever appreciated her the way I should and I am full of regret now. I know that high school was way too hard on her because she didn't have the hard shell I can't seem to get rid of and that fills me with regrets too.

I am trying to be more open, especially as things are happening around me that are out of my control. I'm trying to go with the flow and be present and all the others things you hear on television show therapy sessions but I feel like a nut that's too hard to crack lately.

Matt and I and my babies are preparing to take a long, cold walk and I'm trying to empty my mind and be full of the experience but it's work. How do you folks let go when circumstances feel like they're boxing you in and cookies are not an option?

Friday, January 29, 2010

k-2, the backyard edition

Holy crap, I just got back from the worst snowshoe trek ever. It was beyond awful. The temp was 11 degrees when I left and I dressed up in all the right clothes, extra cream on my face, winter sunblock...I'm not exactly new at dressing for the weather. Usually about five minutes in I'm so warm I'm stuffing my mittens in my pockets and unzipping my jacket. Most days I carry my jacket home because I am that warm but wow, not today. It's windy and snowing and the temp is now down to 5. I always tell myself I'd rather not know how cold it is but I'm relieved to see it lowered because I thought I was just getting soft. The tips of my fingers went numb, my ears were painful to touch, my toes are still cold...it was seriously unpleasant. Even the dogs seemed kind of grateful to be home, usually they give me trouble about having to come in but today they were waiting for me to open the door. I'm sure if I couldn't see through the snow blowing around they couldn't either. Our footprints were actually blown away in about a 7-10 minute period, it was unbelievable.

Everyone is cuddling now and I'm drinking tea and I am setting a timer to force us to go out for pottying around lunchtime, otherwise I'm calling it good. Unless the wind stops we're not trekking out again no matter what the temp is, not even for happy fun sledding. I'm making valentine's day crafts instead because I am 12 and I want to have some damn fun today and nothing says fun like glitter glue! Plus the chemical high, it's a no lose situation.

"short fingernails but a lot of anger"

Wow, it's weigh in day and I have a sad little almost pound to report losing. I suppose this is better than gaining said almost pound but it's kind of depressing. Doggies and I earned 73 activity points last week which I think is a record for me. I also ate about 20 of them which means I also ate all of my weekly points. So this week had a lot of exercising and a lot of eating. In my fatgirl way of thinking I am convinced that much of the weight is muscle and water and baby unicorns crowding my scale. My muscles have been killing me all week but I haven't been able to take a break from the snowshoeing and I think a break helps keep things in balance. Every time I walk up the stairs I'm pretty sure my legs are going to come off. If I kept all the yummy high point food down there I'd never ever eat it because I'd do pretty much anything but climb the stairs more often.

I'm supposed to be on vacation so I'm trying to make myself happy. I need to do some happy things on this vacation because it is an emotionally charged vacation taken under complicated circumstances and also I have to do my taxes. It will probably take all week to do those taxes unless I give myself a deadline but meeting a deadline sounds suspiciously like work so maybe I'm not allowed to do that this week. Maybe I'll do it in April like everyone else and then get practice getting drunk.

I'm not sure what my happy thing for today is going to be, there's an awful lot of housework that I've been avoiding and that makes me not happy so I guess cleaning today and maybe sledding since it's snowing again. Sledding is fun and happy and I have to climb the hill so it's also exercise and the doggies like it. Jolie ran the whole way with her teeth in Matt's jacket last time we slid, she had a good time.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"don't you know you don't gain weight on a sunday?"

Has anyone ever experienced an exploding cantaloupe? It had a soft spot and I was sad and then when I pointed it out to Matt and touched it ever so lightly it actually exploded. I kind of wish I had made him touch it because that's the second food explosion of this week (note to self, when carrying eggs in your pockets don't let the dogs jump on you) and it's starting to freak me out. If things come in threes what is next? My fridge is a ticking time bomb here folks.

Monday, January 25, 2010

"She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B."

Dudes, I ate all my weekly points between friday and sunday. WOW. Damn, I kind of can't believe it. We snow shoed every day for at least two hours and I've been hungry and achy all weekend. Not achy, that's not right, it's more like muscle fatigue. I'm not sleepy, just tired all over. I was folding laundry one afternoon and the lifting hurt so much I couldn't help grunting as I folded. It really does help, tennis players know what's going on. The dogs were worried I was dying and they both sat in the bathroom with their heads just a little cocked to the side like "the human is making that noise again, where is the off switch?".

In some ways I wish I could take a day off but I just can't, there is no other way to walk the dogs in this snow and I know all the exercise is good for me. I'm really grateful in a way because if I were exercising like this at a gym I would definitely stop going or take a break. As it is I can't take a break because the dogs need me, if I didn't walk them as far as I could every day we'd have problems of a different sort and frankly I'd rather have us all tired in the afternoon. That's what I tell myself when I'm out of steam at the end of the trail, if I were at a gym I'd hop off here but because I'm outdoors I have to hoof it all the way home or wait for Matt to rescue me from the elements. An outdoor lifestyle is so much more motivating than the gym.

Friday, January 22, 2010

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them."

Last friday I had french fries with my lunch and it was a good decision because I can still think about them and how much I enjoyed them without having to have more RIGHT NOW which I think shows personal growth. Today I had coffee cake for breakfast because Rebecca told me I had to eat all my points and cake was the obvious solution. I'd hate to not lose weight because I didn't eat enough cake, that would be a tragedy. So, yeah I had a piece of cake for breakfast and there is more and as long as I tell myself I can have some if I want...I don't need to have it. That is totally how my brain operates and I guess that's why weight watchers is working for me. I was having a conversation with my sister and she's the opposite, she does better on south beach where the rules are stringent. I guess south beach wasn't so terrible for me but I genuinely can't live without sugar. I'm sure that's the saddest thing I've ever had to admit but there it is, I can limit it but I can't lose it all together. If I ever get diabetes I'll have to cut my legs off because I can't eliminate every single bit of it.

I've earned 19 activity points today which is almost a whole day's worth and my feet hurt accordingly. I'm definitely building up snowshoeing stamina because I did two hours today without wanting to cry even a little. I am feeling it in my arms using the poles though, I tried to put my arm around the pup in bed this morning and yikes! some muscle on the underside of my arm is officially protesting.

I guess I'm saying so far things are working out.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

"It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard."

So, a very LONG time ago I wrote a post about feminism and how I was super sad that women don't value the term. It started a small fight about how the word made women feel, if it wasn't for the word all women would be feminists. That's just ridiculous, seriously. But anyway, I've been reading a lot of posts lately about fat acceptance and dieting and how the two are sometimes at odds. We can strive to accept our fat and the fat of others but we can not strive to accept each other and each other's goals, Harsh. I seriously think that overweight women and thin women and all the women in between have an equally hard time accepting themselves because we are all focused on how we aren't perfect. I think the people who really love themselves are few and far between.

One of my super favorite things about my boyfriend is how he sees people. We were in the market recently and there was a very overweight woman shopping with her daughter and she had the most beautiful hair, seriously cover girl gorgeous hair. I commented on her hair after because I covet the simplicity of gorgeous straight hair and he said yeah, she was beautiful. Not "she would have been beautiful if she were thinner" just she was beautiful. I still have to work to see the beauty and not the flaws in things but I'm glad I'm surrounded by people who can do it naturally, I think it's a gift.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

"No point to overdoing this exercise junk."

Today was the first day I've snowshoed since saturday's very long journey and I think I might be dying. My legs fell off and I can't lift the phone. If you type 911 on your blog how long does it take for emergency services to find you? Alright, fine, I'm being dramatic. And actually I think my arms hurt from all the sledding. That seems extra silly as you don't use your arms for sledding but when you're going down the hill at a million miles an hour and your puppy stops dead in front of you...you have to slow down and yell alot before the puppy is dead for real. It's been snowing for the last three days and it's only adding up to about 10 inches but the roads suck. I think the idea is to wait till the snow stops and then plow because otherwise it's a waste of money. If I didn't have to work or eat I would totally agree and I'm kicking myself now for not stopping at the market yesterday. I had already risked life and limb for a paycheck, I might as well have picked up milk and dog biscuits while I was at it.

I have no plans today because all my appointments have been cancelled for weather and I have cleaned everything there is to clean. Short of vacuuming the cat I'm out of domestic duties. I think probably we'll take another afternoon snowshoe and I'll work on a meal plan. I've been meaning to do this for two weeks and it's not that things have been going too badly I just want to be using up what's in the cupboards in an orderly fashion. I don't want my clean cupboard goal and my weight watchers goal to conflict, there is room for both if I make a plan first. I truly have never stocked things like chips and cookies and matt's been taking all the baked goods to work so what's left is beans and couscous and saffron rice that probably is old enough to just be tossed.

I have been noticing lately that not only do I not really have sweet cravings but that sugar is starting to taste too sweet. I remember that vividly from two years ago, the amount of sugar I used to add to tea was really sad, I just couldn't taste it. Now I use about a tablespoon a day for 3 or 4 drinks, just enough to cut the bitter and when I add too much sometimes I can't drink it. Matt had me waiting outside a shop for some truck parts and at the end of the first half hour I decided to get a treat from the convenience store. I had planned on a drink, iced tea probably, but I looked at all the candy and chocolate and none of it appealed and I think it's because I gave myself permission to choose something and nothing seemed worthwhile. If I had started out "I can't have this, or that" I think I would have gotten something I didn't really want and finish it and then feel guilty over it. When I keep the ball in my court things work out better, but that really wasn't the point of this story. I chose a honey sweetened green tea and the sucker was seriously too sweet. I had half of it and had to save the rest for another day when I wanted a sweet. I have gotten my taste buds back much faster than I ever thought I would.

Very lightly sweetened tea and tons of water were my crutches in ye olden days and I'm trying really hard to make use of them this time. A tablespoon of sugar costs me one point and I get 3 to 4 warm, sweet drinks that make me feel satisfied. I definitely think it's worthwhile and it keeps me feeling normal like this is something I could do forever, I just have to buy stock in teeth whitener or move to britain. The water I'm still working on. My old water bottles are gross and Matt has encouraged me to get new ones. The old ones are more than ten years old and the plastic is rank. I might choose new nalgene bottles or I might choose a new sigg bottle, I haven't decided. I like the clear plastic because I know how much I've had or have left and they don't dent like the metal, but the metal is lighter and easier to drink from (I really am that messy) and who cares if they get dented you bought them to use them MORON. It seems a ridiculous thing to worry about but I can't succeed without the tools, ie new snow shoes and snow pants and a new coat...a water bottle seems itty bitty in comparison.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"How many times have I told you not to hit people in the face"

I wasn't supposed to have a long weekend but it turns out I did. Work has been really erratic lately and it's kind of messing up my schedule. You'd think endless time off would be a good thing but it turns out there's a lot of wheel spinning. Except for yesterday which I spent sledding and it ROCKED. I must have climbed the hill a hundred times which I'm totally counting for activity points. It was very active actually, all up hill. Like using a stepper except for the racing back down the hill on your rear part. And somehow between yesterday and today I lost a pound and I'm sure it's the all sledding, all the time exercise program I've been on. Who needs cupcakes when you can be a snow speed demon. I decided that winter is awesome for my weightloss, running weather be damned!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

"If he gets up, we'll all get up..."

Can I wear this dress to an evening summer wedding? In this color? My rear is definitely not as fine as hers and I have the complexion of copy paper and before I order it I need serious advice. Matt just says it would be beautiful which is probably just an "I don't want to get in trouble" boy thing but then he also said "the belt makes the dress" so maybe he really was paying attention to queer eye for the straight guy that one time. hard call. Anywho, what do you guys think? It's important because if the internet doesn't tell you the truth what is the world coming to? I could also get it in a pretty purple, a lightish green, or a navy blue. I wanted a light blue but alas it is not to be...unless I sew it myself which would be a very bad idea indeed. Or is it a bad idea to wear this dress to any wedding ever? What say thee?

Friday, January 15, 2010

"I'm running low on happy"

That title is bullshit because it is 23 degrees out that's officially the warmest temperature I've walked the dogs in since June, hand to god. Usually 23 is something you hope for mid-afternoon if you don't look at the gauge too clearly. We're getting ready to do our snowshoe thing and I don't have to wear 3 shirts, yay! And the weight watchers website gave me a smiley face for my 2.6 pound loss, who doesn't love a smiley face?

Except for the looming fear of finding and filling out all the paperwork for my taxes, things are going very well. I'm having a very good week. Two days in a row I haven't used all my points, I'm finally getting good at putting the right things together. I didn't use all of my weekly points and I didn't touch my activity points at all. I wonder what would happen if you really did eat every single point, they say you can still lose weight but I seriously wonder. Anyway, I suppose two weeks isn't the worst learning curve, impatience is probably the number one killer of diets in america. And lofty expectations. Alas, I'm keeping my expectations low. I just want to be where I was and stay there but if I keep getting to an actual "healthy" weight I won't complain. We'll see how I feel about it when the time comes eh? There's nothing worse you can do than start projecting how skinny you will be in x weeks. I just want to look better than the bride at this wedding I have to go to, is that too much to ask? I'd hate to be unreasonable about it.

I started a new thing with smoothies. I tried it a long time ago and I sucked at it, I made really terrible smoothies. However, today and yesterday I made really good ones and I'm thinking it's a keeper. It comes to 4.5 points and with a hearty mid-morning snack it's a very good breakfast, especially in a hurry. I am spending more on groceries than I used to but hopefully that will rectify itself soon. When I can figure out a plan for the week in advance and whittle down the necessary items I'm hoping it gets a little cheaper. I'm buying twice as much fruit and vegetables as I have in the past few months (that was getting really bad, I'm shocked Matt didn't die of scurvy) and it's just pricier. Ten boxes of mac n cheese would be cheaper, except for that cardiac arrest thing. It's all relative I guess.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"you've got some nerve hogging all the brutality"

The other day I saw this really great bumper sticker that said "if the definition of beauty gets any thinner no one will fit" and I thought it was pretty awesome. I have no follow up because after I saw the bumper sticker I walked to the bakery and got a slice of cake, and then I ate the slice of cake and since I'm technically trying to be thinner it was all sort of bizarre as far as emotions go. The cake was amazing and the salad I had for dinner to give my points equilibrium was very good too so I'm calling it an excellent monday. Today was pretty good too! I got my new showshoes and I tried them out this morning and they're so light! I don't know if that's good for the calorie burning or not but I didn't want to die halfway so I'm calling it a positive.

I have been working on my new years resolutions which are kind of my all year resolutions and all boil down to being a grown up. My one real goal is to keep my kitchen clean. I hate cooking in a dirty kitchen and if I want to keep things rolling along on the taking care of myself front I need to cook. I'm washing dishes and wiping counters every day while my tea steeps and you know when you keep up with it you aren't tempted to use the steel wool to slit your wrists or anything! I really like my little house when it's clean. Not just for me but for Matt so we can have people over without feeling judged by the clutter. (My client is always talking about the people who judge her and she's so defiant about not caring and it makes me so sad because I really want to fix it with a hug and that's a huge FAIL.)

I've been a huge shopper these last weeks, I've been going wild with my christmas and birthday money. I picked up some really cute but simple kid sized bowls at target that are great for keeping serving sizes in line. I used one for a cup of yogurt and granola and it looked so huge I felt stuffed. It was completely visual and emotional, the bowl always looked full unlike a larger bowl which would have looked more empty. I guess I should take advantage of fooling myself into feeling full and happy.

Monday, January 11, 2010

"Well, I wouldn't bury a live chicken"

Every day since I did my weigh in I've lost another pound. It's freaking me out. I mean yay obviously but I have this horrible feeling that by weigh in day it'll all go to shit. It's not to say that I've been a points angel or something, there's definite room for improvement, I'm actually thinking that I didn't know how terribly I was feeding my body before last week. Yikes, seriously. It's all good for now. I'm still eating just above my daily range with weekly points. This week my goal is to not touch my activity points. That probably won't be so hard because I need new snowshoes. We've just been walking and it doesn't leave me feeling drained or exhausted but it also doesn't give me the exercise that snowshoeing does.

The shoes I have I didn't purchase, they were passed down from someone Matt knows and I have no idea how heavy a person they are meant to carry. This weekend Matt and I went off the beaten trail and it was a mess, I was seriously sinking and my shoes were coming off and he was making less of a dent than the 25 pound dog. It was seriously humiliating. I'm looking at shoes right now and I had no idea the breadth of selection. I have a few shops to check on my trip into town, there's a discount store that might have some left in my size but I'm not crossing my fingers for it. I know it's a worthwhile investment given the truly remarkable exercise I get when I use them I just don't want to spend the money. Argh!

Friday, January 08, 2010

"Bummer, I was just getting the hang of this depression thing."

I picked friday for my weigh in day sort of randomly but it's here and I lost two pounds. Two pounds is exactly what I was supposed to lose so yay! Technically I did my job. There was one day where I did not use all my daily points, throughout the week I used all of my weekly points and I used 13 of my 63 activity points. I've been doing a lot of googling about activity points and it definitely seems like my ten or more a day is enough. According to the website they want you to start with 1 or 2 and build up to about 4 a day. When I first signed up online they ask how you spend your day and I sort of felt guilty ticking the second most active box but I think I need to accept that yes I am an active person. I had been assuming all this time that my exercise level was a big part of the problem and it's not, it's all the damn snacking I do without really thinking about it.

That is the best thing weight watchers does for me, it reminds me that one cookie is not just one cookie, it's part of a whole day, week, month of eating habits that make my body not what I want it to be. I needed to see the little things for what they are and be accountable for them and alas, it seems to be working. I'm asking myself the question "is this something I really want?" and sometimes it's no and that's the place I want to be. I got there myself once but after almost two years is safe to say I needed help to get there again. There's this feeling when people talk about eating whatever they want and I envision they mean eating a platter of cheez doodles for breakfast. I want to change this for me to be eating whatever I want and wanting the best things, including a few bites of a really excellent dessert once in a while and not finding room for a sugar free pudding snack every day.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

"And when I was in the trunk, I saw Jesus."

Yesterday ended with so many points when I look at the number I forget the first digit by the time I get to the last. It was pretty bad. I'm hoping today is going to be better and when I look at the week as a whole I want to feel better about it. I have a lot to figure out still, especially when it comes to finding filling meals. I have to keep reminding myself about forever and how I can find ways to make this work forever I just have to work with it more. I first looked at it like a jigsaw, trying to fit my meals into the frame and now I'm realizing I have to change the shape of the pieces more than I thought.

I was telling Matt about how hungry I was yesterday and I can see how he doesn't really understand. It's not like a craving when you'd do anything for a piece of cake or a cookie it's like a gas tank being empty and I don't care what it is that I eat as long as it's filling. I need to take advantage of that, the fuel aspect instead of the want. It's going to be a long haul of change.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

"I almost never shoot people."

I'm preparing for another morning of snowshoeing and I'm having a lumberjack breakfast to go with it. I don't think I can take another day of feeling hungry all afternoon and evening. It's demoralizing. Better to eat a lumberjack in the am than to be so focused on food for the rest of the day. Thinking and dreaming and drooling over food for days on end does not a weight management plan make.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

"There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM"

Today was a hard weight watchers day. I have been hungry since EVER and also I'm DYING because I didn't pack enough water and my head fell off hours ago. I'm still working on finding the right foods to keep me happy all day out and about and also the water. I haven't been drinking enough water for a long while now. Long ago I used to take two full Nalgene bottles with me to work and I was still always thirsty. I got out of the habit being at home, just filling glasses and not really paying attention and slowly I just stopped drinking as much as I should. I feel terrible when I don't drink enough water and since the pain isn't enough motivation to do things right I don't know what to try next. Public flogging seems a bit rash.

I'm trying to give myself a break this week as I figure out how to use my points to best advantage. If nothing else it's a good reminder about mindless eating and to pay attention to the little things. I'm also learning that some activities make me hungry like the wolf so it's interesting to see that next to my points for the day. It's an expensive tool though, at least to me. I really hate the idea of paying a third party to tell me to eat less food. I hate it a lot so I'm determined to get my shit together.

On the upside I'm getting good at eyeballing a cup of cereal and milk, I'm learning that snowshoeing makes me want to eat the WHOLE HOUSE and peanuts are a very high point snack. I'm seeking out either low point things I can eat a lot of or medium point things that'll get'r'done. I guess I have to conduct some tests, be a guinea pig, open my mind et cetera, et cetera. Can you use that twice, is that painfully repetitive? How scrambled are my brains today, let me count the ways.

Monday, January 04, 2010

"With the exception of dessert, food is food."

For the first day this week I'm not over points before dinner. I guess I should have gone to the market before I started my life altering diet. Anyway, we're chock full of vegetables and appropriate snacks now and Matt took his big box of cookies to work so life is good. I survived the day with my client without her manhandling me into drinking a coke and I have good feelings about the rest of the week. One week at a time, that's as much as I can focus on right now. Especially after the grocery bill I just paid. We genuinely had nothing so I'm trying not to take it personally but I hope every week isn't that bad. Hopefully when I get some meal plans together I won't feel so broke at the grocery store.

I have leftovers for dinner that won't put me over points, I have chili on the stove for Mr. Matt and I'm looking at a very exciting light brownie recipe. I'm going to have to learn to cook light for me and heavy for Matt, or feed him twice as much. I can't focus on making him fat and making me skinny at the same time and right now I'm making myself my priority so probably Matt will fade away into nothing. Poor dear. I bet he'll end up crying in the Mcdonalds drive thru after work everyday, so sad.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

"Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table."

I started weight watchers yesterday and I am not a super model yet! I'm pretty upset about it actually because I think the paperwork promised instantaneous tight buns and reality tv shows. No, really I'm pulling out my measuring cups and seeing what's what. I'm committing to the three months I done paid for and we'll see what's what. There's fitbloggin coming up and an early spring wedding and generally I just need a jump start to get back to my previously healthy habits.

The first day was a little rough. A little rough having to face the consequences of "tasting" Matt's cookies but good as a reality check. I don't even really like the cookies I made for Matt, they're his favorites not mine. One of the things I've been trying out lately is to not eat anything I don't really want, limiting myself to quality foods and not wasting calories on things that aren't really worth it. Not to say it's easy. It should be, but it isn't easy to say no to all that junk. I have to train myself to really think about whether something is worth the calories...or points as it is now. I also have to take a look at my go to meals and see how they stand and what kind of changes I have to make. At the moment I'm leaving it there. One thing at a time.

As for exercise, an hour and a half of snowshoeing a day just to walk the dogs burns about 1400 calories and earns me 14 activity points. At the moment I'm very, very hungry after all that snowshoeing and I'm thinking about my snack options. In my head I know I can push it a bit with the activity points but I'm hesitant to go there so early. I guess for a while I just have to muddle my way through and find a balance with this new system.

A friend of mine is trying nutri-system because she just doesn't have the energy to give more. On the one hand that would be so easy but on the other you can't do it forever, how do you go from taking your brain out of the food equation to putting it back in after so long an absence? I think that would be so much harder than doing it one piece at a time, however easy the first part would be.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

"Thank you for the little backpedal."

This morning I set my shirt on fire which pretty much sums up this week as one of those weeks that drowns you in ridiculous circumstances. I have a crazy cold and a big ass snowstorm that might never end and now I have burnt a hole in my very expensive patagaonia capilene shirt (which is much warmer without a big damn hole).

I'm hoping I can let all of that go after a shower and a walk and have a good start to the new year. I'm going to make some vanilla from a kit I got from my sister, which I'm very excited about. I go through a lot of vanilla and when that bad boy is ready it'll last 7 years with refills. I'm way excited about that, no more buying vanilla all the time. And then I'm going to make some lemon cupcakes with the gazillion lemons I bought for that turkey I cooked a few weeks ago.

I have big plans in the cooking arena too, except not so much today because of the giant snowstorm. Seems you have to go to the grocery store to be martha stewart so I'm going to start with cooking all the stuff in my freezer. I have some recipes I'm dying to try though like a pinto bean and rice burrito which looks really easy and freezes well and a black bean and corn stew that's pretty much awesome. In the meantime I'll make room in my freezer by feeding Matt as much meat as possible every minute of the day because my fridge is full of moo. It's ridiculous actually. There were all these great sales around christmas, single servings of good cuts that no one wanted because they had an army to feed over the holidays and it seems like I bought them ALL. I have no memory of it, just a tear stained stack of receipts and a fridge that's lowing to be milked. (too far, that was too far right?)

Any doodle, I can't believe I set my fucking shirt on fire. I guess I should be glad I didn't burn my arm but I'm really just pissed that it was an expensive shirt. 2010 is one sin down and six more to go!