10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Friday, December 29, 2006

david and goliath

either my scale is dying or my ass is expanding. how did it go from 172 to 176 in a day? obviously something is amiss. i'm working on the assumption that no break for exercise is a factor. a little one. the biggest factor, i think, is my lack of intuitive eating this week. the bank has this policy of buying us lunch when we're stuck in the building. in my notes for this post i actually wrote "intuitive eating vs. bank". like it's the bank's fault they bought me french fries. and made me eat them. bastards.

the point is it's put my eating routine out of sync this week. i've become very good lately at eating when i'm hungry and mostly eating what i want to. then the options are few...as they are this time of year...i've been filling up on oatmeal and yogurt and lightly sweetened tea. the idea being that if i really wanted a grilled cheese, i could get one...but i don't. most of the time i'm just a little hungry and the foods i've been eating satisfy without making my blood sugar spike (i did research on blood sugar stabilizing foods and all my favorites are on there). not that i'm being sciency, or trying to. but mostly it works.

this week we've been ordering lunch. i've been choosing things that i usually enjoy because that's part of my rules. if i want something, i have it. i've been doing this thing long enough to know that if i tell myself i can't have something i give myself a series of unsatisfying substitutes until i finally give in. thus eating the daily calorie needs for seven men in an hour. bad move. so i've had two servings of french fries this week. two more than i have in the last two months combined. and, honestly, i felt like crap after eating them. did i still order them two days in a row? yes. because i am an idiot. and also it's just easier.

so i guess it's no mystery about the scale. it's just lard. but it's proof the intuitive eating things works. for me. it's proof the blood sugar reducing foods do make a difference when it comes to dodging cravings. for me. i've proven to myself that what i was doing was good for me...i just have to get through today without ordering french fries. or drinking anything till the water comes back on. but that's a different story.


Thursday, December 28, 2006

a burning desire

this week my intrepid co-worker and i are working without breaks. there's a good reason we can't leave the bank when we're short staffed. i wouldn't want to be robbed while she was at subway anymore than she would. but for weeks at a time it's supremely unpleasant and leaves us scratching at the windows. this is one of those weeks. and to add to our fun, tomorrow they're shutting off the water.

there's been a lot of construction in town causing all of the major streets to be shut off at random. driving through town has become like a mouse searching for the cheese. and the cheese keeps moving! value for money that is. apparently the water pipes are up to 25 feet below the road and were installed over one hundred years ago. and there's a leak. a big leak. a leak leaky enough that the town with the tighest ass in state spending record has been forced to find it under 25 feet of dirt digging in atleast four different places under four major* roads.

so, tomorrow, we get to not only enjoy the dubious thrill of earth shaking machinery but we can do it with tip top full bladders and no hope of escape. i know you all want my job. i can feel your communal envy leeching from the screen. but you can't have it. it's all mine. mwahahaha.

*major as in the town only has four important roads.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

black on black

you know you're getting cocky about your weightloss when you start making tickers. i haven't done one in ages. and now i remember why...you can't read the bastards on my template. oh well. it makes me all nostalgic for the year having the whole thing up there. now i have to go open an account for a millionaire. exciting job.


172. lost two pounds over christmas. i'm calling it the russell stover diet. i can't explain it but i'm not complaining. we had a nice christmas...no dramas. i have a lifetime supply of silicone bakeware. which i love. there's something about floppy things that makes me unreasonably happy. and for some reason it's all blue. which is great because it all matches. and that makes my inner martha beam.

you know what is the saddest part of working in banking. i thought it was returning people's oil checks for insufficient funds but i'm starting to think it's seeing how many people use match.com. i have this need to get them all together in a rec hall with some punch. it's heartbreaking.

someone adorable sent me a cookbook of cakes. and when she comes to visit i want to make a pavlova. and we won't tell matt what it is. we'll just make him eat it. and he'll like it. and then we'll teach him about thai food.

oh yeah, and i lost two pounds in a day. that can't possibly be right but it looked really good this morning and i'm sticking with it. i'm pretty excited.

Friday, December 22, 2006

"i'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight"

did i already write about being uber frustrated with the new blogger or do i just think about it everytime i try to post. and then get grumpy. and then not post anything. i can't remember because the frustration cortex of my brain swelled and exploded and now all i can do is growl. grrr.

i've been a grumpaholic lately and i can't seem to shake it. maybe it's the incessant job search that is killing my soul. i feel like i'm constantly spitting out resumes to make 2 dollars an hour more. if i just stopped with the constant mailings i could probably save that in stamps and fancy paper. maybe not, but i can't help think the process itself is a financial drain. i'm still at 174, despite eating almost an entire box of russell stover by myself. the upside of eating so much candy is that you're too sick to eat anything else. i'm happy to see things going down so steadily even though i've been a gourmand. it makes me think i've finally got a handle on this part of my life. my budget, however, has gone to hell.

it seems i can't have my diet and my budget going in the same direction at one time. i really believe that getting my finances under control helped me get everything else under control. it does worry me a little that i let some financial goals slip these last months. ofcourse everyone spends more than they think at christmas. when i look at my reciepts and charges there really isn't anything unreasonable. i'm not buying myself coach bags every day, it's just not as strict as it once was. i'm relieved that i don't have to worry as much as i did in january about every penny. the fear was a great motivator that i sort of miss in an extremely masochistic way.

i really wanted to start 2007 in a different place financially. even more than i wanted to start 2007 in a different clothing size. as much as being thin is regarded as a sign of success, i'd rather have assets growing. i have to remember that last year i would have loved to have more than 30 cents in my savings account and 22 pounds less on my body. i have to remember that whining and worrying doesn't make me feel any better and doesn't in itself enact change. it's part of a process (finger quotes) and i have to take my steps one at a time (more finger quotes) and i have to get over it once in a while and enjoy my time on this earth. before i croak over the shock that yogurt went up 24 cents overnight (and orange juice and bacon...why 24 cents? was a quarter too conspicuous?). i really need to lighten up. and also stop using my discover card. i knew getting the pink one would be too tempting. the flesh is weak.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

i essentially wasted the last two days of vacation that i had for this year. i'm starting to feel a little guilty about it for no good reason except that in retrospect i could've done so much more. i just didn't feel like it. i think i spent every bit of excess energy trying to figure out my new cell phone. there's no better way to punctuate a birthday than by flogging yourself with technology. there is atleast one button with no purpose but to frustrate me and i have no idea how to turn up the volume after searching for almost a week. so i'm deaf and old and i can't find my address book. WOOH! i love 26.

and i really can't wait for christmas to be over. i feel like if we can make it until tuesday we'll get our lives back. and if matt makes it through today without threatening anyone we'll have electricity. he's off loan shopping because apparently you need to pay your exorbitant electricity bill before they spend a second hooking you up. this whole thing is making me wish we were amish. i like pennsylvania, i like those soft pretzels, it could work.

in the realm of food news i bought some mini bagels this weekend. the label says mini and as far as i can tell they are exactly the same size as a normal bagel of 15 years ago. 90 calories a piece. i'm in love with them. when i think of mini i think of the ones so tiny you want to shelac them and put a magnet on the back. i know portions are out of control but to call normal "mini" is too weird. it makes me want to scratch the mini off the labels at the store. but i'd hate to show up in police beat for grocery vandalism. what would the in-laws say?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

just say no!

for the love of god if you haven't already gone google on your blogger DON'T DO IT. remember me my ass. i don't know about you all but i'm way too lazy to sign in all the damn time. to leave comments, to post. it's really starting to drive me nuts and there's no way to go back. i'm trapped. just me and my impetuousness and look where it got me.

so i didn't bake a damn thing because i just didn't feel like it. christmas who? and then i almost forgot to post. i done lost my mind. that's what that pound was.

Monday, December 18, 2006

another pound bites the dust

down to 174. never thought that would happen. i'm off the next two days...using the last of 2006 vacation time. and hopefully not eating all of my christmas baking myself.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

how many bagel bites is too many?

and life's other mysteries. such as why did i have to call 5 different people at cingular to keep my plan and add a line. there's no good reason. but it makes a soft spot in my heart for betty. betty is an asset to their customer support team and i heart her. she declined my offer to mail her a lobster. maybe next time.

i've been eating way too many frozen bagel bites lately. it hasn't affected my numbers but it's certainly affecting my moral. can you imagine the situation at the grocery store when bagel bites become the best option. i think the problem is that they're at the end of the grocery store and by the time i've searched all the fresh food and found nothing, everything in the last aisle looks tempting. microwave chipped beef! it's mmmmm-riffic!

i wallowed a little last night and made nasty boxed mac and cheese for dinner. instead of the stuffed shells i had been planning. if your dinner only takes 15 minutes to prepare there's distinctly more time to lay on your bed and scowl.

so clearly i've been eating awful food lately. i've been existing on oatmeal and yogurt at work. which usually works for me. the job is so boring this time of year that it's really easy to spend most of the day grazing. so i only bring a few things. yogurt and granola, oatmeal and plenty of tea. and then i do a normal dinner. my life is fiber-full atleast. if i can lay off the mini bagels for awhile.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

first i was late, and then it started to go badly

i wrote down the wrong time. it's my favorite to sink my own ship before it even leaves the harbor. so i'm sitting in my car chanting "i'm definitely not getting out of the car before x time...and then i'll fix my shirt and lint roll and it'll be great". instead i had this weird feeling and i checked my cell which i had put on silent and lo and behold there is a message saying "where the hell are you" and so i went running down the street fixing my shirt and wishing i had a black cat so i wouldn't have fur all over me. (i swear i rolled before i got in the car...i don't know why i was so furry...i hardly ever let the cat drive.)

so, i was all flustered and totally not in control of the interview, like i was last time and was all psyched about. head, meet wall. liver, meet cocktail. this day bites.

Monday, December 11, 2006

"fancy" blogger

i switched over to beta blogger this afternoon. the most exciting parts so far are the colors and the fonts. it's almost as cool as word, i swear! it's the kewlest. i don't have much else to say. i'm pretty much at the weight i started the weekend with. so that losing another pound was a bust and i totally blame making that chart. and also the pecan pie. and the hummus and the amazing squishy pitas they served with it, or maybe it was the hello kitty waffles we made on my birthday. which, by the way, are actually very good and cute...if anyone was contemplating a purchase.

so i can blame my resiliant pound on sanrio and i'm glad. what have they done for me anyway? except make me buy tons of pink cooking products and notepads i think are too precious to actually use. it's a sickness.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

our lobby is balsam-rific

that's the one thing i love about this season, the pine freshness. so, you want to know about the interview? it went pretty well. unless i get a mean rejection letter before next wednesday i think i'll be all full of confidence. bursting, if you will. i have a bit of studying to do for it but it's really cool to, like, use my brain for once.

come saturday i have four suits to return to target. one of them, it turns out, doesn't even fit. which is confusing because i tried it on before i bought it. why did i buy it? i just don't know. so it's going back. with all it's friends. and then my discover bill won't make my heart stop when i get it. god willing.

i made a calendar diagram thing last night (so much free time after the big event i guess?) and it seems like i'm losing about a pound a week. i hold steady for the week and then i start the next week about a pound down. i kindof wish i hadn't done that chart because it's better for me when i don't have expectations. so i'm going to pretend i never did it. and i'll just be really happy if i come back on monday at 174. and so on and so on. but i'm going to turn off that part of my brain right now so i don't go insane. (as i cross all my fingers for a miracle next monday)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

i said "smorgasbord" to a possible employer

i got a call yesterday about interviewing for a job that would culminate everything i went to school to do. and when she gave me the list of times i said it was a smorgasbord of choices. because i am an idiot. she laughed instead of hanging up, so that's good. i just have to cut of my tongue like in Quills before next wednesday. and learn sign language.

the interview i was hopped up about before is this afternoon. and i found enough suity things to make me look as though i dress like a grownup all the time. that was the goal anyway, i think i look more like the father of the bride. but maybe that's an exaggeration stemmed from nerves. i'm practising cool confidence. because i am cooly confident. and also they called me first. i'm still riding that high, the tail end.

random ass updates. still holding at 175. trying not to daydream about dream job so i won't freak out when they hire someone with actual experience. also going to try not to summarise the feelings above for the next week and until i get a call back. so as not to bore you lovely folks. we're still waiting for power and not holding our collective breath about getting it before winter really hits. and currently trying to decide how much time i have to spend with matt's family for my birthday without offending anyone. my family is so much easier. they would never grill me about matt's birthday/or christmas.*

(edited to add rant warning, proceed at your own gossip laden risk.)

*look, i went and put the footnote right exactly below the noted entry. kate turabian is in chicago weeping. what happened with the christmas tree thing? i don't know i wasn't there. apparently the brother's girlfriend is all hot for christmas and spent an evening nagging matt about going on the family christmas tree hunt. her other hobby must be pushing rocks up hills because there's no one that hates christmas more than matt. causing a fight over whether or not someone's going to get a christmas tree is really in the spirit of the season. i'm thinking we're going to become jehovah's witnesses just to avoid all this holiday crap. and they have such fascinating literature. i don't hate christmas, but it doesn't do anything for me and i'll be damned if i'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to live up to someone else's holiday expectations. especially someone i'm not related to in any way. but maybe that's just me. and maybe it makes me a little grumpy about having to spend the holiday with them. (but really, the girl put victoria's secret gift certificate on her christmas list for her boyfriend's parents...classy.)

Monday, December 04, 2006

interview countdown: 2 days

i have two days till my interview. i have two possible suits, 1 shirt, 2 skirts and zero appropriate shoes. i can't believe i have no shoes. i have a lot of shoes and none of them are right for a suit. or a dress skirt. it's bewildering. and since i'm going on about numbers...175 as of this morning. 21 pounds lost, about 20 left to lose. woo hoo!

sadly i didn't get to do the limited skirt test. because their blazers didn't button for me. i need a titanium minimizer for that to happen. if only i could find one. i ended up getting my suits at target (h&m only had one blazer in my size and it didn't match anything. at all.) in the isaac mizrahi section, convenient so when i freak out and decide i hate it i can take it back. i have to choose one so i can take up the hem. matt doesn't know it yet but he has a fashion show scheduled for tonight. i know he'll be pleased.

Friday, December 01, 2006

flirting with disaster

as in, oh my god my wrist hurts. i'm trying not to use it so i'm typing with my left hand. and it sux. i have the dread feeling that this will turn into the world's longest text message. lol;) so i'll spare you and concentrate my efforts on my new resume so i'll have enough feeling in my arm later to play spider solitaire. prioritizing is on my list of skills. next to one handed typing and solitaire expertise.