10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

"Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?"

So, Tuesday my Obama sign was stolen again. There was a gentleman who tried to bum cigarettes from Matt's family down the street and they're pretty sure he's the one who stole it. Which is impressive because it was almost as high up the embankment as the new signs and it was raining. I hope he at least sprained his ankle. Today the democratic headquarters were manned by a younger girl dressed a little bit like britney spears in that video with the hitting and she was way calmer than the little old ladies I talked to last time. She gave me a new sign, and another new sign, and a further new sign from a stack of handmade signs that I strongly suspect the grumpy old ladies made. The back of my new sign says "steal my sign, $250 fine" but I went with the "don't steal my rights" side instead. I guess I'm not bitter enough to threaten.

It's been a very long week with no firm plans. Next week I'm going to have to make myself a schedule. It's far too easy to get to 3 o'clock in the afternoon and find that you still haven't taken a shower. I'm still relatively busy with household things that need to be done but I don't want to find that weeks have passed and I've done nothing better than scrub my floor 50 times.

And also, Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

"Say what you want about the porn industry, but they're hard workers."

So uhm, officially unemployed. Not as dramatic as I thought it would be, I always imagined there would be yelling upon my exit. Instead there was crying and it wasn't mine, so that's good. Everyone is asking me "oh, are you ok?" like it's some big surprise. It's been very obvious that things couldn't continue as they are. There's been this big wall with all this writing on it for ages and it was just a matter of time. I might be essential to my boss but only because he's a moron, I didn't actively bring in any money and it's time he took responsibility for his decisions in a more active way.

My first week of unemployment is going pretty well. I'm working on making my house the cleanest it has ever been and I might have a brilliant new career in wreath making. Actually, I have one offer and some resumes to send and I'm eligible for unemployment benefits so it's not the end of the world. It's sort of strange because I really didn't want to work there and I was hoping to be laid off and now it's like "what's next?" and it's not just a theory anymore. So far I am enjoying being home. I expect the crazy won't set in until I've rearranged my furniture a few more times and gained 30 pounds. Or tomorrow, who knows.

Today I have things to bake and floors to scrub and dinner to cook. I'm already off schedule. I can't believe how quickly the time passes, not working makes time fly.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Oooh, California

I'm researching the shipping costs for wreaths and Fed Ex needs zip codes. What is the zip code for California...hmmm...hemmmmm...Duh, use 90210. 90's television comes to the rescue!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

"Don't you get on that escalator! And don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator!"

Thinking that a bag of potato chips will make my stomach feel better is just one of the reasons why it's a blessing that I never became a doctor. That and the fainting. My stomach has been killing me all the time lately. Which is obviously the stressy mcstressedness but our florist made the suggestion that I must be pregnant and I hit her, it was pure instinct because I am twelve. Actually, when I was twelve my instinct would have been to pass out on hearing such news (which I totally did on human birth day in life science class and hit my head on a cabinet). Deep down I'm full of antiquated feminine virtue.

So, I feel like crap but it's totally helping my weightloss when I refrain from eating medicinal lay's. Go me. Things are crazy at work with the are we closing and when and will it be forever. I'm brushing up my unemployment knowledge because I'm supposed to be the expert only I have no information. I've gotten used to being left out of the loop and it hardly bothers me anymore. This morning my boss' wife, who is very, very weird, went all crazy hiding a computer screen from me. Which would make more sense if I didn't have complete access to that computer and far more knowledge than her about how technology works. Exhibit A: don't leave your email on screen and logged in when you leave for the day, not to mention the computer left on for no reason, if you want privacy.

It's now saturday and my venezuelan boyfriend called three times while I was out running. When I called him back he said "oh, were you sleeping?" "no, i was running" "oh...running?". I'm too fat to exercise, again. These guys are killing me.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

"Darn your sinister attraction."

Whenever I start to lose weight again I fall in love with clothes. This is problematic what with the brokeness but I still have a closet of things I haven't yet worn in every possible combination...ooooh. This whole summer I wore jeans, jeans with holes actually, and t-shirts. I was a fashion disaster. Which was appropriate since everything else was a disaster too. Well, I'm over the whole can't care anymore thing and I'm back into getting dressed. Maybe it was the wedding. I packed something for every possible combination of weather, mood and social activities, I was a dress nazi. Fortunate for the bride who has me to thank for having flip flops that matched her after party dress. How was I the only one who realized there was no way she was going to wear heels for 24 hours straight...seriously. I have a few things that I have fallen in love with that are completely irrelevant to my every day life...pashminas, heels, bags...all in black and completely unnecessary for the life of a rural landscaping manager...but it was a blast to wear them in Philly. There are some heels that are just meant to be seen stepping in to cabs. I wish I'd taken a picture.

I was really excited about dressing down for this job and now I have cravings to dress it up. I wonder if that need has some correlation to my renewed vigor in health and fitness matters. There's certainly no point to earning yourself a new body and wearing ripped jeans and stained t's all the time. Not if you're vain like me anyway. So, clothes. Apparently I bought a few nice things while I wasn't broke and now I'm actually wearing them. Colors even. Amazing. I had been laying off the form fitting shirts since fatness set in but I realize now that was the worst thing to do. Why do we always turn to bulk and layers when that's the worst thing for looking your best? It must be hard coded in the dna, like bears hibernating. So I'm wearing my lacy tank tops and sweater sets and rocking the fit before it gets too cold. I might even wear a skirt this week. Maybe I'll get a marriage proposal out of it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Note to self - learn to duck"

I missed what would probably have been a very funny phone call with my sister this morning. I was running when she called and all I got was the message. "Dear Amy, On the upside I have lost a pound but I also lost a cup size. Call me back." Heh. I would very much like to lose a cup size so it's difficult to empathize but I am trying. When I call her back I'm going to tell her about this article I just read that will make her mad at me. Apparently drinking coffee shrinks your breasts. She's going to be seriously displeased. But it also decreases your risk for breast cancer which is a silver lining as long as you think life is better than cleavage. It almost makes me wish I liked coffee. Do you suppose coffee ice cream counts?

I have lost five pounds since returning from the wedding and not a bit of it is cup related. Disappointing. I don't know if it's the stress of losing my job very, very soon or the increased flirting regarding my curves at work but something has gotten under my skin and I just don't care about food anymore. My brain is occupado. Have I mentioned before that the first question all of my workers ask me is whether I'm married? No fail. The Jamaicans, the Guatemalans, the Venezuelans and the one guy from Mexico, they all want to know whether I'm married or not. They ask none of the other women here this question. I checked. So, now that we have an english speaker I asked him why. I had assumed that I must look like a good candidate for a green card or particularly desperate. I had intended to put him on the spot with that question, but we have a good friendship so I wasn't worried. He looked sort of shocked that I would have to ask and he said "because you're so beautiful, like an angel".

I don't know how to take that. I mean, yay, but the pessimist in me is a bit prickly. Also now I have an insatiable flirt telling me how beautiful I am all the time. In spanish. I ought to pen romance novels and give him a writing credit, some of the things he says. So I'm mad at myself for thinking the most negative thing instead of thinking the most positive thing (ie. fat and desperate versus angelic beauty) which I've been doing for a very long time and also for not enjoying positive attention for no good reason. It occurs to me that people won't be crossing streets and holding up traffic just to talk to me (adorable sign holder at construction site, happened this weekend, twice) forever and maybe I should make the most of it and stop being a negative prick...maybe. In short, I feel amazingly positive about myself of late and my body and it rocks. I ran farther than I probably ever have in my life this morning because it felt good and I wanted to rather the usual have to. It's an awesome day, except for the jobless thing.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

"I took a small step and there conclusions were"

It is 26 degrees out. Holy shit winter came fast. I spent all day yesterday telling my boys that it's not cold and jesus, 26 degrees in October. I'm a liar, officially. The guys are going to think I'm a made of steel tundra woman who clubs seals for a living and doesn't feel cold. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I had a very nice day yesterday with my new friend and my old friends. We're cutting back crews and some folks are going home, so I forced them all into hugging me after grocery shopping. I felt like the fat auntie with the red lipstick none of the nephews want to get caught by, but they were good sports about my girl need to hug them. I'll have to look up how you say "crazy american, run" in spanish for future reference. It's interesting having a good english speaker in the group, I'm learning more about the guys every day. For instance, they all think I dye my hair because no one as white as me can have hair that dark. Ha! Not so my friends, not so. My hair gets darker and darker and when I dye it I go lighter, touche! An interesting thing to think though, I guess I'm supposed to be blond.

So, I went to the grocery store today and I feel amazingly guilty about every cent I spent and I haven't even been laid off yet. It's fairly inevitable, given the last few days at work, but I'm seriously not ready. As much as I joke to myself about staying home and spending 8 hours a day doing pilates and making cookies I really, really don't want to be broke. I liked being able to buy stuff, I am shallow and I like it that way. I did broke for so long...it sucks. Unemployment schmunemployment. I'm not sure what's worse, this job or no job at all...man that's sad.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

"oooh, pictures!"

Nothing to say...blah blah blah. I should have things to say because there's insanity at work and I'm totally losing and not gaining and having a lot of fun with pilates which I always do when I finally get back into and why do I ever stop again...because I'm a masochist. SOOO with the nothing to say, what about a picture? I've never done the before picture thing but I feel like I should because I'm really tired of this back and forth and also I want a marker. A "this is what you really look like" dose of reality and something to compare to when I finally get my shit together. And also my new friend took a pretty good picture, so why not?

Monday, October 13, 2008

"you could always electrify it"

So I went back to the Dem. HQ again to fetch a new sign. The little old ladies were really mad on my behalf. They asked where I lived and we chatted and they're worried there have been a lot of sign thefts. Cute old lady number 1 said "I don't think they know it's illegal to steal these signs" and cute old lady number 2 said "Oh, I think they know it's illegal". I said I was going to barb wire the edges this time. Cute old lady number 3 said "good idea" and then suggested the electricity. She's the third person to make that suggestion. I'm not really going to barbwire it but I want to, it's really hard to find barbwire. I put it at the top of a very steep embankment...so we'll see what happens this time around.

I had lunch with a new friend on Saturday. I have neglected to tell him how much Spanish I understand and he had a very interesting phone conversation while we were out. It would seem I'm "un poco gordita, no mucho". I am a little fat, or chubby, not very. It seemed easier not to comment. He also said I'm 28 so maybe I'll correct him on that one and see if he picks up on it. It was a very fun day anyway and he's not exactly wrong, I am a little fat. I should be glad he didn't elaborate more. Anyway I taught him how to use chopsticks, and we went to a yard sale...where he bought an enrique iglesias cd and we sang "Heroe" in spanish all the way home. It was an awesome saturday.

In the way of not being "gordita" I have done three pilates sessions this week and it's awesome. I'm coughing and hacking still but I can do five perfect teasers so I can't be that sick. I gave my beginners pilates dvd to a girl at work and I can't wait to see what she thinks of it. It would be awesome to have a pilates buddy. Maybe we could take a class and Pbffs forever. Awww!

Sunday, October 12, 2008


I put up my Obama sign Friday night and it was just stolen. Who spends their Sunday morning stealing Obama signs? Matt heard the car door open and close and the culprits drive away but didn't see the car. They're probably on their way to a fundamentalist gun rally. AARGH. I'm so mad, I have no words. Matt is seriously pissed too. Even though he's an independent and the Obama sign was on "my" side of the driveway...he's pissed as hell that someone stole from our property. I'd like to think that maybe they really wanted it for their own lawn and couldn't drag their ass to the dem headquarters but that would be optimistic beyond the call.

Friday, October 10, 2008

"To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase, duh."

Today I marched in to the Hancock Democrats office downtown and said "all my neighbors are republicans, help me" and the nice lady said "don't you hate that?" which I totally do so it was awesome. I have a lawn sign and a bumper sticker that might give my boss a cardiac episode and a pin that says "Hillary supporter for Obama, Disappointed not Delusional". Heh. I'm pretty excited. My mom would be so proud. I'm going to think of her when I put out my Obama/Biden sign at home. One of the last times she left the house before she died was when she put up the Kerry sign. I should probably get a sign for my dad too so mom won't be mad at him in the afterlife.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

"Your luggage is in the capable hands of a team of porters."

Sometimes when things happen at work I have to stop and remind myself that this is a real job and not just some dream I'm having where something idiotic goes wrong. One person called out this morning. I am dying of the plague, ie my throat hurts, so I didn't hurry into the office today. At 8 am my boss called me to ask if that person called out today and I said yes, why...Why, because no one else at the office has a key. I mean they're supposed to but they don't have one today...so all our crews and everyone else was standing around outside because of all the people there including two managers no one had a key. Heh, funny. The one key in the vicinity was in the hands of the jamaican cook who lives ACROSS the street and no one could think to go wake him up and get it including his FIVE roommates. It's very lucky that the door was unlocked and they were all gone when I got here because I might have killed them all. And I'm sure prison would aggravate my sore throat...

I have hardly unpacked a thing. Every night has been jam packed with sick grandmas and trips to walmart with guatemalans and tonight I'm baking cookies for the peanut butter king. One of our guatemalan guys is in love with peanut butter, inch think peanut butter sandwich for lunch every day in love with peanut butter, and we sort of missed his birthday so he's getting cookies. I wrote down the wrong day, I feel really bad. He must have thought we didn't care...AWWW. Hopefully the peanut butter cookies will make up for it.

The good thing about being so busy since we got back is that I haven't had time to bake every night. It's been good for me but Matt's over it, he's ready for his regularly scheduled snack having. Matt is right now sneaking cookies and thinking I won't notice...boys!

Monday, October 06, 2008

"I hear the jury's still out on science."

I'm home and I've unpacked exactly one bag. It was the most perfect wedding ever. I can't think of anything more to say than that. It was perfect and now the pressure is off. Unfortunately the pressure is on in so many other ways. Matt's grandma is very sick and has kidney failure and refused dialysis so there's a sense of imminence there. It's really sad and it's also really obvious that she's ready, I just hope his mom handles it ok. There tends to be a bit of drama in that family and the will is going to cause the trouble...I am hoping for the best there. Also, rather less dramatically, the starter in my car died again this morning...after I got to work of course. Poor car. Matt is going to replace it tonight before we drive up to the hospital. He's also going to take out the fuse that makes the bastard beep every time I unlock the doors. Something which I forgot to warn the valet about this weekend...whoops! That must have been awkward.

Things are a bit weird at the moment. I have a lot to catch up on at work and at home and probably won't have much time to do that. My boss really missed me though, which is nice. If we had work I'd feel very secure in my job. While I was gone we had an injury and a resignation by answering machine...so we have a very small crew. I have a feeling we'll be short a bookkeeper soon too which is going to suck. I seriously don't want to be in charge of that. I have enough access to receive accusations of embezzlement as it is and I don't want anymore. Really. Truly. God, I hope he doesn't quit.

Everyone loved my jewelry and shoes and dress and I hope the good folks shopping Ebay do too because that's where it's going next. Is it rude to try and sell your bridesmaid dress the week after the wedding? Are there rules about that sort of thing? I hope not because I can't store it anymore. It was hard enough keeping it fur free before the wedding...I can't keep that up forever. I'd have to shave the meow and I don't see that going well.