did i already write about being uber frustrated with the new blogger or do i just think about it everytime i try to post. and then get grumpy. and then not post anything. i can't remember because the frustration cortex of my brain swelled and exploded and now all i can do is growl. grrr.
i've been a grumpaholic lately and i can't seem to shake it. maybe it's the incessant job search that is killing my soul. i feel like i'm constantly spitting out resumes to make 2 dollars an hour more. if i just stopped with the constant mailings i could probably save that in stamps and fancy paper. maybe not, but i can't help think the process itself is a financial drain. i'm still at 174, despite eating almost an entire box of russell stover by myself. the upside of eating so much candy is that you're too sick to eat anything else. i'm happy to see things going down so steadily even though i've been a gourmand. it makes me think i've finally got a handle on this part of my life. my budget, however, has gone to hell.
it seems i can't have my diet and my budget going in the same direction at one time. i really believe that getting my finances under control helped me get everything else under control. it does worry me a little that i let some financial goals slip these last months. ofcourse everyone spends more than they think at christmas. when i look at my reciepts and charges there really isn't anything unreasonable. i'm not buying myself coach bags every day, it's just not as strict as it once was. i'm relieved that i don't have to worry as much as i did in january about every penny. the fear was a great motivator that i sort of miss in an extremely masochistic way.
i really wanted to start 2007 in a different place financially. even more than i wanted to start 2007 in a different clothing size. as much as being thin is regarded as a sign of success, i'd rather have assets growing. i have to remember that last year i would have loved to have more than 30 cents in my savings account and 22 pounds less on my body. i have to remember that whining and worrying doesn't make me feel any better and doesn't in itself enact change. it's part of a process (finger quotes) and i have to take my steps one at a time (more finger quotes) and i have to get over it once in a while and enjoy my time on this earth. before i croak over the shock that yogurt went up 24 cents overnight (and orange juice and bacon...why 24 cents? was a quarter too conspicuous?). i really need to lighten up. and also stop using my discover card. i knew getting the pink one would be too tempting. the flesh is weak.