i dragged matt all the way out to the mall, the shoes were still there, and i didn't buy them again. i'm not sure how much of a victory it is considering all the gnashing of thoughts and all the extra driving, but it does seem like i regained some control of myself. which is good. somehow i wasn't trusting myself about this stupid stupid purchase. i passed them up twice, for a reason. they weren't worth it. like when you think about chocolate all day and then you end up eating some hersheys crap and then it's just wasted calories. i really hope i learned something from all this, i'm drained.
i'm thinking i might try the south beach weeks 1-2 sometime soon. sometime after ye hormones pass. i'm trying to put together a vegetarian menu for it, which is interesting to say the least. eggs, cheese, nuts. oh, and salad. i'm working on it. how many beans can one person eat? i guess i'll find out. i know i've been saying i'm happy with the way i've been eating, that's still true. this is just a jump start thing. a test, if you will. it's not going to be a way of life. i don't think it's very healthy to cut out such a huge chunk of foods (says the vegetarian) forever. i don't think i could do more than two weeks without yogurt and sweetened tea and oatmeal. in moderation, i don't think these carbs are bad for me. i'm just interested in seeing if there's a change and if i can maintain it.
that'll probably be next week. for the rest of this week i'll try to hang on to my 173 and get the last of the sugar cravings out of my system. i'm sort of looking forward to it, probably because it's still so far away. we'll see how i feel on sunday when the bell tolls.