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10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

"I'm just a slut, where's my parade?"

The number one thing I miss about being a lesbian is the fact that when you are a woman dating a woman, no one asks you when you are getting married.  Also, the parades.  And rainbows.  Seriously, I can recall exactly no one approaching me or any of my gay friends and asking when you're gonna "wink wink" "nudge nudge" get hitched and I didn't appreciate how much better the queers have it until just now.  We just got home from a family wedding and I swear I answered that question ten times at least, Matt twice as much because it was his family.

And when they do ask you and you say "no, sorry, we're not planning to do that" they say why not, you should.  Dude, I don't even know your name and you have insight into the path of my life.  Really?  You really think you can ask me that, repeatedly, and I won't punch you in the face?  Really?  It gets old fast.  And then the bride told me I was single and I had to get up to catch the bouquet, twice.  And perhaps I'm just an asshole, that's a possibility I'm open to because I'm really pissy right now, but no I'm not single.  You don't live with someone for five years and call yourself single because you're fucking not.  OK?

Every single one of the people who harassed us tonight know we don't want to get married because we have this conversation every time we see them.  We have another get together tomorrow and my hand to god if anyone asks when we're getting married I'm asking them about their hemorrhoids.  And this is where I have to give my family credit because the only person who has ever asked me that question is my 90 year old meme.  If meme can remember that we don't want to get married, so can those douchebags at tonight's wedding.

6 comments:

anne h said...

Not getting married is the number one thing I miss about being a Lesbian, too!

The Merry said...

My family assumes that I must be in the closet, since I'm not only single, but... shudder not dating anyone. Plus, I wear comfortable shoes, which is apparently a clue.
They're more concerned that I start birthin' babies soon. 'Cause 15 grandchildren simply is not enough. Argh.

Amy said...

you guys are a riot. I'd much rather be unmarried and have dogs while wearing comfortable shoes.

Results Not Typical Girl said...

LOL, great post! My first husband had a great aunt DeeDee who had no verbal filter. I totally miss her. Anyway, the first time she met my mom (a lesbian), she said, "I don't give a rat's ass what you do in the bedroom, but why do you have to throw a parade?" My mother assured her that she had never, personally, thrown a parade. :)

Trevin said...

Tell those who ask that you can't be married to more than one person at a time. That shuts them up quick... believe me. I've been living with my BF for ages and get asked everytime we have a family function.

MayQueen said...

It could be a valid question if you were a lsdies' man living in Massachusetts.