10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

189 and holding

there's been a barage of body image and fat talk on the mainstream blogs in the last two days. i just read a very long list of them here but i started out at suburban bliss because i read her every day and she's an addictive read what with the humor and the charm. so, yeah, false advertising is the theme of the day. is it false advertising to get married skinny and get fatter after marriage?

i wouldn't know anything about this because i've never really been skinny. i've been skinny in comparison to how i look now, but i've never had a flat tummy or perfect thighs or anything else that "they" say is how a woman is supposed to look. i've never looked the way you're supposed to look to attract a mate, or so society tells me, and still i've had plenty of relationships. i've dated men and women, and i've never had anyone tell me i was too fat. no one hs ever dumped me because i was too fat or told me that if i got fatter they wouldn't love me anymore. i have had lovers tell me they wanted me to be "healthy" but i've never felt or been made to feel, unnatractive. i'm the only person who says i'm fat, i don't know if that's worse or not.

i met the boyfriend through a friend and it was a bit of a blind date, except he knew who i was and what i looked like. and he liked what he saw enough to badger his friend into setting up a date. we're coming up to the close of our first year together at the end of march. i've been through a lot this year and i've put on a few pounds. he still tells me i'm beautiful, he still wants to be with me. he supports the lifestyle changes documented here because he wants me to be healthy and happy. the only thing he's ever said about my weight is that he doesn't want to see me get so fat i can't leave the house. i can't blame him because i wouldn't be much of a companion if i couldn't fit through the door. he's shown me over and over again that his love for me does not hinge on my weight, or the length of my hair or the kind of clothes i wear, but on who i am and how i make him feel when we're together. if his love hinged on any of those things, i wouldn't want it. i don't love him because he looks a certain way, i love him because he's kind to me and generous with his affection and because he unquestioningly brings me cookies from the kitchen when i'm too lazy to get them myself. life is too damn short to play by those kind of rules. some day we'll all be old and saggy and the only important thing will be getting your moneys worth at the early bird special and i'll be damned if i waste a penny of my social security by leaving the bread out of the doggy bag because someone who's supposed to love me doesn't want me to get fat.

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