Sometimes when I do something really stupid I have like a "this is your life" type flashback of all the stupid things I've ever done. Like that time in junior high I incited a group of cheerleaders to violence at the library and Holly had to save my ass, that runs in my head like a loop. And that time I broke my own window to get into my apartment instead of checking the door...that's a classic. Anyway, yesterday something annoying happened to me which has started the "you're an ass" playback in my head. One of my very favorite things, which came from my grandmother's house and which my mother loved (and which when she was sick she totally hounded me over having and I didn't realize that I did have it and wow do I suck but also she had a lot of oxycontin and I didn't always take her seriously and then it turned out it was packed up in my room and I found it after she died and took it home with me and hopefully she's over it by now...) broke. It was safely sitting in the window sill because that was a cat free zone. It's a wide ass window sill and seriously the thing was huge and who thinks the wind will blow over giant pieces of pottery? WHO? No one, that's who. But it totally did and it scared the shit out of me. And then it broke my heart because you don't get more ir-replaceable than the antique vase your dying mother guilted you over for months. Unless of course you use E-bay.
Here comes the stupid. I was really upset about the vase...and I thought "well, gee, let's see what there is like it online" because if the internet can't solve your problems who can? I proceeded to bid on 4 similar vases. Because I'm a moron. I've since won three of them. THREE. I couldn't keep that one safe...good thinking to buy THREE of them. Crash, Slam, Bang. I suppose this way I have back-ups, or maybe I'll hot glue them all to a table. One doesn't get more House Beautiful than glueing the knickknacks to the tables. I can start screwing cheesy art to the walls too, it'll be Motel 6 Chic! Anyway, Hi...I'm a moron. I guess I thought porcelain hat wearing ladies were more popular on the online bidding circuit...guess not...GOOD THING I HAVE THREE OF THEM NOW. cough, cough.
Anyway, wow, I feel like a moron. MORON. I can't wait to tell Matt. There's nothing better than watching your boyfriend realize he lives with an unstable cat lady with a shopping problem.