One of my unwritten resolutions for this year, next to keeping my house tidy and not buying thirty bottles of face wash just because I have coupons, is to use my favorite things. When I was a kid I had a stockpile of perfect un-used boxes of crayons, which I coveted. I would use the stubby and gross hand-me-down crayons for actual coloring while my pretty ones stayed safely in the drawer. One of the things I will ask my mother, when I die or when we go on John Edwards Crossing Over, is why she, a trained child psychologist, never questioned my insane OCD. But anyway, I still have a lot of those tendencies.
I buy myself adorable little notebooks, never very expensive, and they get put in a drawer. I collect plates and dishes and tea cups and never, ever use them. I can't think of a third thing that I'm obsessive about so that must be progress. In the vein of keeping my house tidy and keeping up with the small things, I've been making myself lists...in one of my notebooks. I've been carrying this one notebook around for ages and therefor it looks like crap and maybe that's why I'm actually able to sully the pages with ink and not have to gouge my eyes out. Anything I have to write down, I write down in there. Notes, grocery lists, meal plans...all the little bits of paper that used to fill my purse, and my counter, and my table and drive me insane are now gone! I have a to do list for every day and I actually refer to it and cross things off. Imagine!
The dish thing is a little more difficult. I'm trying to use more of the pretty things I've bought, at home and at work. I simply can't buy anymore pretty dishes, deal or no deal, until I make some use of the ones I have. We are a simple people at home, we don't use serving dishes as a rule and for most of the fall we used paper to save water. Washing an extra dish for every, uhm, dish doesn't make much sense on an environmentally friendly level. But I do take pride in the food I cook and for one dinner a week I'm going to try and present it nicely and on nice tableware. There is no reason not to enjoy things, why buy them to put them in a cupboard forever? If something is really too nice to use, there's no place for it in my house.
I'm bored of pretending to be a grown up. That is the soul of my resolutions this year. There is to be no more waiting until whenever to do things the way I want to do them. Do it now or give it up. There in lies the crux of my problem with this Spark diet thing. I really wanted it to work for me. I think we all believe in some way that what we're doing isn't the best, or isn't good enough, when we aren't swimsuit models in a week. I'm curious now as to why I thought someone else's diet plan, even a reasonable one with food involved, would work for me. The entire point was to take me out of my comfort zone of sneaking too many cookies and I really think it made things worse. Maybe it was comfort eating, maybe I should consider that possibility.
It was a lot of work to translate their foods into my foods and part of me thinks I'll have wasted the effort if I give up. I've been thinking though that the amount of effort I put in to add organic foods and remove the chemically sweetened and mass produced products is important in another way. It proves that my values are different than theirs. Not all of the foods Spark used in their menus was crappy chemical food, but a lot of it was weird and or very commercial. Eggo waffles and two kinds of Cheerios and I think the yogurt was Dannon. I don't have a problem with any of those things but none of them are things I normally eat.
It could be me but I don't look at an Eggo waffle and syrup and think that's the way a healthy person starts their day. I also don't look at three meals of peanut butter and jelly and think it's a well rounded day (literally, one whole day on their plan was peanut butter and jelly three ways...I wish I was making it up). I have two more days of portioned food and plans and then I'm calling it quits. I'm still hovering around 175 and I guess that's where I'll start from, again, on my own, this weekend.