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10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Friday, August 03, 2007

"I tell all the tourists from New Zealand to avoid crowds and use back alleys and still there's a New Zealander mugged every day."

when i was in college i met a very adorable girl who was my dear friend and roommate and who went through four years being gay by association because i could not stop touching her ass. weirdly, and great for me because i never forgot, her birthday is the same as my very best friend from highschool. and you'd think i'd write this soppy start of a post on her actual birthday, both of their birthdays, which were in may. and i'm late, no. i started this post this way because there is nothing that reminds me of frosting like sarah's birthday.

i stayed at school every summer during college. paying rent and working and taking classes. because i am a moron. if i had the sense to realize that i would be paying rent and working and taking classes for the entirety of the next five years i would have gone home and sat on my ass. and appreciated it. hindsight and all. but anyway, one summer sarah stayed at school too. i must have talked it up really well because maryland isn't that much fun in the summer. what with the heat and hotness and the humidity. i must have felt really bad about duct taping her to that chair and making her stay with me, so i baked her a cake for her birthday. a white cake with chocolate frosting, which is purported to be her favorite.

it was a big damn cake. i think our choices for pans were pretty bad because sheet cake really doesn't seem appropriate in retrospect. it wasn't appropriate at the time either because the cake split down the middle like the grand canyon. it would have been great if we'd had tiny plastic donkeys and goldminers but at the time i was batshit trying to make the cake look like something you'd want to get up from your tape chair for. and she said "just fill the fissure with frosting". we did and it was fine and she still talks to me so it can't have been that bad. not like the rice, but that's a different story.

since then i'd like to think that my baking has improved. i'd like to think that my expertise has flowered into one of those solid sugar wilton roses my sister mainlines. so you know who had a birthday yesterday? and you know for whom i was baking a cake yesterday? yeah. can i just say fissures and donkeys. the cake stuck every which way, it stuck to things it never touched, never thought of. things in rooms i never entered were covered in cake like a martha stewart buttermilk conspiracy. if he'd been home i'd have been weeping into my batter bowls.

fortunately he wasn't home. i made a double batch of buttercream (blue for a boy!) and assembled the cake bits. it would be safe to say that 83% of the cake is blue frosting. it's a really good cake.

4 comments:

MayQueen said...

The "Happy Ghetto Birthday" Cake! That is my favorite cake ever! That was a fun summer. I was so hungry I watched infomercials for the Magic Bullet blender like they were porn.

MayQueen said...

p.s. I left you some solid steel comments a few posts below.

RC Cola! said...

I have to say, when I read your posts, I always think your stories sound good enough to be published -I just love your tone.

Yeah. Anyway. Now I can think of Grand Canyonish cakey cake.

Amy said...

infomercial food porn, were we really that broke?

thanks rc, you've made me want to tell more frosting stories.