*

10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Monday, April 02, 2007

"If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it."

matt and i both declared that we need to drink more water this weekend, together we finished off over 6 liters. which means i need to buy some more. i could even plan to buy the recommended amount for two people for every day. imagine. but then i'd have to math and that stinks. or i stink at it. i spent valuable chocolate eating time this weekend trying to figure out how many chocolate chips are in an ounce. i thought if i divided the 12 ounce bag by the serving size i could figure it out. so i counted 200 chocolate chips to find that my half empty bag had about 204 chocolate chips in it and pretty much i could have just emptied the bag and my cake would've been fine. chocolate math karma sucks. but the cake was good.

i didn't get to all my proteiny cooking, but the house is completely clean. all the boxes are gone. it's a very wonderful thing. i'll be beaning it up tonight instead. i did three of the things i had hoped to do. i know i've said before that you shouldn't stop pilates because when you start again you die right there on mat, but i'll say it again. i started up on sunday and i died on the mat. i didn't even make it to the teaser. tonight i'll step and tomorrow night i'll try again.

i keep wondering how i lost those first twenty pounds and i'm really astounded until i remember that i exercised like a fiend. and then i sort of petered out. the whole getting comfortable thing. i keep saying i'm going to get uncomfortable again (and here's where it gets confusing) and now i'm finally comfortable enough to get uncomfortable. having my house be a wreck really made me nuts. more than i think i realize even now. the peacefulness i feel right now is amazing. i love april and we're getting married. it rocks as much as i thought it would.

i feel like i'm ready to get serious. serious like i was last winter. i've been maintaining pretty well on food alone, time to add back the exercise. i would really like to make pilates a habit again, every other day. and half an hour of stepping on the days in between. like i used to do religiously LAST YEAR. oh, and the walking. like how i used to do enough to give myself shin splints. i don't need to do that but i do want to walk again. i've been avoiding it for no real reason. i used to really like it. the pier and the ocean and the sun just rising. why would i want to avoid that? it's just stupid.

it's a little harder to motivate when you've lost some of the desperation. which is tricky because it's good not to feel desperate and hate yourself and punish yourself for everything you do. that's a good place to be, but it's like the hotel california. i can't apologize enough for that analogy but it's true, you all know it's true. you have to leave and stay at the same time. physics just doesn't work with a diet, oil and water. physics and biology. imagine our ancestors working to not be fat and happy. no wonder dieting is so hard, it's against the grain of evolution and our innate need to survive. it gives every success a new meaning doesn't it, we're beating even more odds than we thought.

7 comments:

pinky pinkerson said...

you're getting married?

duenneschen said...

should i be congratulating you?

Floating Princess said...

Congratulations! On getting married AND finding your mojo!

Amy said...

Wow, I am so not getting married. Where'd that come from?

Amy said...

oh shit, i meant me and April. as in the month. because i love it so. i completely forgot i wrote that. i have zero desire for nuptuals. i'm not that kind of girl.

MayQueen said...

I know about you and the nuptuals and even I had to pause and read that a few times.

Amy said...

i made a whoopsy, i admit it. if i hadn't forgotten about that line the second i typed it my blood pressure would have been better served.