you take the one year off blogging and you miss everything

I've been out of things for a long, long time.  I meant to write this long thing about the spa and officer handsome at the border patrol but I don't know I guess I just don't make time for blogging anymore.  It's a shame because he was very handsome and charming and the spa was wonderful including the food.  It was really great not to do anything and to have the only time you have to worry about the time is meal time.  I didn't realize how wonderful it would be to not have to cook or worry about what anyone else needed.  It was very quiet with no tv's and no telephones.  Right now the dryer is drying and the washer is washing and I'm watching the fourth season of madmen and there are a bunch of men downstairs fixing a transmission and it's the opposite of quiet and peaceful.

Since then we had a hectic week and another weekend away and a very long car trip to Vermont.  I have laundry to fold and bread to bake but I'm sitting here blogging because it's been a very long time and I think a lot of the reason I am so stressed out all the time is because I lost my outlet when I stopped blogging.  I really need to write down words and let them go and it doesn't work so well on paper.  I don't know why, maybe because they aren't actually gone.  They're still in my notebook hanging around.    

It turns out that change is really hard and I'm trying to do things that make me feel better and that should be easy but it's inexplicably difficult.  The short story is that I'm trying and I'll be blogging more and it will probably be navel gazing drivel but c'est la vie.  I honestly don't care and I'm willing to try anything in order to get more perspective on things and release my jaw from the uptight position.