"They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train."

it seems like wednesday was excessively humpy for some of us. i survived without pizza and now i feel much better. i'm trying to remember if there was a hurdle like that the last time i did this space thing, but nothing is coming to mind. it might be indicative of having spent my morning in a compulsory self help rally, but i'm actually in a pretty good place right now. i was feeling a little *roar* about having to go, and while i still think it's a huge waste of money that could be in my paycheck or something, i'm wondering if maybe i'm being a little more closed off than necessary.

i hate it, everyone hates it, we're all being paid to be yes men and that sucks. what i never considered is that the principles of thinking positive and being kind to people aren't all that bad. when you take away all the ridiculous self help crap and the asinine note cards and the homework assignments, the basics are good every day reminders. i do believe it's better to look at the light of a situation instead of sulking in the dark. who am i to say that putting a note on my desk to that effect wouldn't be helpful? i've never tried it. i slam those sort of doors shut before i've even thought about what could be inside. it can't be healthy to be that rigid, so that's going to be my post it. chill out.

i'm going to try to open up a bit and think things through more. i've been tunnel vision girl lately, which is sort of good for dieting but bad for doing other things. i've screwed up a lot of baking this week. seeing as that has become my number one hobby, why aren't i putting any thought in to it. i put the batter for 24 cupcakes in 12 cups, they all came out sloppy. i defrosted some bread dough on the counter one day, when i went back to roll it the dough was the size of a rottweiler. you know how hard it is to roll flat a rottweiler? pretty much you give up after five minutes and let it eat you, that's how hard it is. i can't go on like that. so i'm going to make an effort to be thoughtful girl. thinking it through girl.

and also, as an aside, or for the record...this morning my scale said 169. i can't remember if that's ever happened before. it makes that pizza craving a distant memory. thank god.