yogurt = skinny, and other equations

when we were still training our last new recruit, the one who weighs nothing and wants to lose and boasts of anorexia, well she said a lot of other crazy things. one being she'd never heard of haagen dasz. is life even worth living without that information, doubtful. she also said she saw me eating yogurt all week and that's why i was losing weight. maybe it's the way she said it, the certainty of her own logic that i found so amusing. it was like this paul reiser stand-up bit from years ago when he's talking about if you eat cottage cheese and half a grapefruit for lunch you're likely to disappear altogether by dinner.

apparently it didn't occur to her that i could eat yogurt during the day and go home and eat a vat of the mysterious haagen dasz and maybe i wouldn't lose weight. she really thought yogurt was the key. if only it were that simple. flick a switch, eat yogurt, life on course. that would rock. it's a process. losing weight, finding a new job where you don't have to make videos, growing your hair out of it's don king stage. everything is a process.

i've stopped writing about the reasons my job sucks and all the resumes i've been sending out because it sucks. the business is still in mind but that process is stalled beyond all reasonable stallage so finding acceptable employment is the top priority. if i work on it like i work on this health kick/weightloss thing eventually things will improve. i have to believe that. i also have to believe that it will work in two weeks or as soon as they fire me for not doing this video. i have lots of hope. and desperation. and perseverance. but mostly hope. what's the point of going on at all if you don't believe things will get better? so i believe that i will find a new job that i like and i will keep losing pounds here and there and that eventually we will have power and water and heat at the apartment. as soon as the hydro fixes all the damn poles maybe they'll get to hooking us up. and also that that lady won't file a claim and i won't have to sell my soul for liability coverage.