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so, i was a little grumpy yesterday. but i didn't eat anything i shouldn't have. there was no chocolate binge. i was just completely drained. i read somewhere recently, i think mrs. kennedy, about emotional reserves. her point was about her son and how having a child gave her these strengths she never knew she had and how also raising a child can sometimes tap the reserves dry. i don't have children but i completely understand what she means. my emotional reserves are tapped dry. when things get rough i have no capacity to keep it together. the littlest things send me over the edge and yesterday i just had nothing left to give. jeez, it's just a job what would it be like if something really bad happened.

i can say that today. it's just a job. there's no reason to get so upset. i got all wrapped up in the injustice of it. IT'S JUST A JOB. there's no reason for me to feel mis-used. or well, i have no right to feel misused. my employment is at will. that's the most frustrating part because the powers that be speak to us out of both sides of their mouth. one side says "you're all valued emplyees" and the other sends people home the day they amicably tender their resignation after 20 years of service.

none of that has anything to do with dieting or whatever it is i'm doing. it's the track that's looping in my brain that i can't seem to put an end to. i did all my usual stuff. i had breakfast. i made my salad for lunch. i went for a walk. i'm trying to make today a normal day.

somedays just getting through is so hard. it makes me wonder how other people do it. with kids and families and still maintain their plans and lose weight and grow stronger. how?