"You have a horrible case of natural causes"

I can no longer remember the last night I got a full night of sleep.  My best friend says it's the wedding planning but that's not fair since I'm not having a real wedding.  And I swear I don't even wake up thinking about wedding things, I wake up thinking about recipes and song lyrics and totally meaningless conversations.  I had intended to stop and buy some melatonin or something but I was too tired and cranky and tonight I probably won't have time because I have to peel and blanch 200 pounds of turnips which we already waxed but are now FUCKING ROTTING in cold storage.  What is the deal with the turnips?  You're supposed to be able to wax the fuckers and keep them, they're turnips for heaven's sake they're supposed to be indestructible.  The fresh tomatoes have a longer shelf life.  We can't wax them, we definitely learned we can't can them, what is the deal?  We're going to have to start offering them to the side of the road cows like strangers with candy if we can't figure this shit out.