*

10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"I'd bitch slap the devil for you."

I have a pimple on the exact center of my nose. It's the kind of thing that usually only happens in Cathy cartoons and Bridget Jones novels but No, IT'S REAL! It's actually very uncomfortable above and beyond being unattractive. It's also really, really cold here. It actually snowed down the road aways. It is much too cold and snowy to be October. The last in a long list of things that aren't Ok.

The ok list is getting pretty long though. My house has been clean for days on end, which I know is the lamest thing to blog about ever but has such a huge bearing on how I feel about myself every day. I have gotten two sessions of pilates in this week which is more than last month probably so that's really making me feel good. The doggies had a wonderful day in town and were so well behaved you'd think I drugged them. This makes me especially proud because if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be working on my myriad anxiety issues.

I have had unnamed anxiety issues since ever. My mother was a psychologist and it's been bothering me lately that she never noticed or cared enough to address it. It's a very conflicting feeling. On the one hand I know they had bigger problems with my brother. On the other I had problems with my brother too, never knowing if he would be searching my room for things to sell or having his creepy "friends" over when I got home from school, or talking about committing suicide. So many things were never addressed, just survived and now I can't take two free breaths if there's a dish in my sink. Anyway, it's my problem now and I have to fix it before the dogs run under a truck and I have an aneurism.

I never learned how to relax, not really relax. Looking at it from an adult perspective, my parents never relaxed either so of course I never learned the importance of letting things go. I practice every morning now, before we go on our walks and during our walks and after our walks. I make that whole time a no anxious thoughts time. I don't think about the things I have to do when the walk is over, what I'm having for breakfast or what I'll cook for dinner. I work at just enjoying our time in the woods for what it is and the dogs (or I should say Knox) is responding. He shows less anxiety every day and Jolie follows us with awe. We're on our way to being a happy tails success story. I should have got dogs years ago.

3 comments:

phd in yogurtry said...

I love your blog title. I picked a fine time to read your blog, "my mother was a psychologist." Uh oh. Must read more.

And as for your anxiety-thought free walks. Excellent. Need to practice that. My husband and I take long walks together but we always manage to talk about our worries.

Slimma said...

Your blog is making me think I oght to find a dog to walk. Loving your blog though and relating to your anxieties! I'm shifting my ass too, without a diet or a gym in sight at
http:thiswomanislosingit.blogspot.com
Pop in and visit...I'll be back to my blog on Monday when I've shifted this darn cold. Slimmaxx

Sugar-Free Cupcake said...

Good for you for taking time to relax and enjoy the moment. I have anxiety issues too and I know how hard but important it can be to do that. All the best.