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10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Monday, June 30, 2008

"if you don't get your period soon we're going to have to open up a vein."

I'm right now eating potato chips for dinner and I'm going to follow it up with a cookie, go ahead...call the food police. I dare you. Anyway, hi. How cool is it that I can put "accordion" into a box and my blog has a slideshow of accordion pictures, I love it...technology rocks. I'm totally doing geese next, or gaggle, what do you think you get if you type "gaggle" into flickr. I'm devoted to finding out so check back tomorrow.

I just got one of my heads in the mail and it's itty bitty. Which is probably a good thing considering the number of heads I ordered. I should take up voodoo and shrink them all. I'd have so much more room in my house if I were a voodoo priestess, seriously. It's a goal to work toward.

Right now it's very hot in my house and that cookie didn't cool me down at all. Should've had a popsicle. Or a shower. Or an air conditioner maybe. I'm a bit of a stream of consciousness mood right now, no really, and I also sort of wish I didn't have chips for dinner because now I sort of want to die. And this is why you don't post twice in one day. Potato chips for dinner and voodoo, I should've just got drunk.

He he he, accordions

As you can see I've done somethings to the blog. I've been meaning to spice things up and these probably are temporary spices but it's nine am and I'm drinking coke and contemplating work in the supermarket industry. Really. So it's a good time for a shake-up.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

"what about second breakfast?"

So, we were at a yardsale, as we're wont to do, and all of a sudden someone is playing the accordion. It was, of course, one of my boys. The vendor tried reallll hard to sell it to him, he must have been hard up for interest in it, but of course an accordion is not a practical purchase when one has to travel home to Guatemala. But wow, I'm impressed he could play the accordion, that rocks. I really wish they'd talk to me, I want to know someone that plays the accordion in more than a ride to superwalmart sort of way. Whatever, anyway we had a good time at the yardsale. Another boy bought a Britney Spears album and several bought barbie horses for their babies. Cute. I bought some things too...


The t-shirt is for my niece, sadly it only came in niece sizes, and the brooch is for me. I didn't think I was into brooches but I just felt compelled to buy it, I put it on right away and got some compliments from my fellow yardsalers...they're my people, we have a bond. I really love doing the yardsale thing with my boyfriends, even when they don't talk to me it's better than yardsale-ing alone.

In totally unrelated news the house Matt and his brother are building down the road got robbed. They stole a bunch of building supplies, faucets and a book of cd's. They must have meant to come back because there were piles of copper fittings and other more valuable things sitting by the door. Matt and Nate spent the whole night in the dark with shotguns waiting for them to come back which they didn't THANK CHRIST. There is now a security camera and new locks and us driving by every few hours and no more waiting around with guns so that's good. We'll be fitting up our new security camera soon too. You'd think only people with valuables or who lived in cities would have to do stuff like that, but, alas. Who knew scrap metal made people so crazy. It's like the goldrush with tin cans and copper wiring.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Shhha-na-na's my favorite band

I have a very nice boyfriend who would never tell me I'm a moron, he just lauged when I told him about the three heads problem and asked if he still had to glue back together the old one. Yes he does, even though it will be impossible, because I am mean. Spending another day failing to earn my keep at work. This isn't strictly true, I'm just doing things for my boss that aren't money generating, things that are non-business related. And then I'm going to go to the post office. It's a very big day at Amy-co.

I'm finding myself simultaneously enjoying having enough disposable income to buy a bunch of head art online and hating myself because every dumbass thing I buy means it'll take longer to get my own business going. For the most part I don't hate coming in to work but it would be nice to know I'd be ok if I had to quit right now and it would be easier if I had, say, an i-phone amount of extra money in the bank. I haven't been very good at putting my priorities first lately. There are some things I want to do with the site, I want to master my camera and start posting more pictures and build a portfolio and get myself together for this business because wow I'm wasting a lot of time. I don't need money for all those things, I can work on my site and take pictures and bake and save some cash all at once if I just take my head out of my ass and do it.

My work bff and I spend most of our free time scolding ourselves for not being more together...ironic. I did realize recently that I've kept my new years resolution of keeping my papers filed. Which is amazing, I think. I've had more trouble dealing with Matt's papers. Mostly I put them in a box and wait 5 weeks for him to ask what happened to them. It's almost like Pavlov's dogs except he hasn't learned to put them away before I get my paws on them. Soon, I think soon.

Monday, June 23, 2008

one of many

Sometimes when I do something really stupid I have like a "this is your life" type flashback of all the stupid things I've ever done. Like that time in junior high I incited a group of cheerleaders to violence at the library and Holly had to save my ass, that runs in my head like a loop. And that time I broke my own window to get into my apartment instead of checking the door...that's a classic. Anyway, yesterday something annoying happened to me which has started the "you're an ass" playback in my head. One of my very favorite things, which came from my grandmother's house and which my mother loved (and which when she was sick she totally hounded me over having and I didn't realize that I did have it and wow do I suck but also she had a lot of oxycontin and I didn't always take her seriously and then it turned out it was packed up in my room and I found it after she died and took it home with me and hopefully she's over it by now...) broke. It was safely sitting in the window sill because that was a cat free zone. It's a wide ass window sill and seriously the thing was huge and who thinks the wind will blow over giant pieces of pottery? WHO? No one, that's who. But it totally did and it scared the shit out of me. And then it broke my heart because you don't get more ir-replaceable than the antique vase your dying mother guilted you over for months. Unless of course you use E-bay.

Here comes the stupid. I was really upset about the vase...and I thought "well, gee, let's see what there is like it online" because if the internet can't solve your problems who can? I proceeded to bid on 4 similar vases. Because I'm a moron. I've since won three of them. THREE. I couldn't keep that one safe...good thinking to buy THREE of them. Crash, Slam, Bang. I suppose this way I have back-ups, or maybe I'll hot glue them all to a table. One doesn't get more House Beautiful than glueing the knickknacks to the tables. I can start screwing cheesy art to the walls too, it'll be Motel 6 Chic! Anyway, Hi...I'm a moron. I guess I thought porcelain hat wearing ladies were more popular on the online bidding circuit...guess not...GOOD THING I HAVE THREE OF THEM NOW. cough, cough.

Anyway, wow, I feel like a moron. MORON. I can't wait to tell Matt. There's nothing better than watching your boyfriend realize he lives with an unstable cat lady with a shopping problem.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

"she must be tired of something"

I'm embarking on a very Amy day: watching a movie while listening to the radio, cleaning my closet, baking cookies and making spaghetti sauce. I have a huge desire to go out for no real reason so I've lined up a full day of household distractions to keep me from wasting gas and time and also I really need to wash my floor. I made my laborers go with me to Bangor on all my errands yesterday for the strict purpose that I wouldn't have to go out again this weekend. In exchange for their patience we stopped at a big ass yard sale. I found some really cute glass bowls in the shape of apples (which, wow is clear glass ever difficult to photograph) and the boys bought a ridiculously old and heavy boom box. Which I accidentally incited a bidding war over by helping them find a cord...the yardsale lady didn't realize we were together...whoops! I think they still got it for 2 dollars but geez, I didn't mean to drive up the prices on them. I learned who all the dads are because they were searching through the baby clothes and debating teddy bears, it was adorable beyond words.

*I just finished my cookies and they kind of suck. I'm not really a big sugar cookie fan anyway but I just had this urge and it's disappointing. Maybe they need frosting. Maybe Matt will eat them anyway. Maybe if I threaten to cry if he doesn't. Hmmm.*

So, I was poking around walmart yesterday with my guys, as I'm wont to do, and I found a very annoying bag of trail mix. It was called "dietary mix". Dietary mix. As opposed to what? If you eat it, it's dietary as in a part of one's diet. Oreos could say "dietary" and it would be true. What they wanted to write was "trail mix for fat people" and someone in PR slapped their wrists and they thought, dietary...sounds like diet...go for it. It sort of reminded me of something in a round about sort of way. I'm not sure how many of you guys are Dooce readers but I'm going to mention her cleanse anyway. I should say she's doing the Oprah cleanse and taking a lot of shit for it. She takes a lot of shit for getting up in the morning, the price you pay for making enough money with your blog to pay a mortgage I suppose. Anyway, the cleanse is a sugar, caffeine and alcohol free/vegan diet and she's doing it not to lose weight but to take better care of her body and no one seems to be pleased about it. It sort of reminds me of the look on people's faces when I tell them I exercise. "You're so fat, if you exercised wouldn't you be skinnier?". I think there's an assumption that skinny people must eat well, as an intrinsic value of thinness...just like skinny people must also be happier and smarter and better all around.

I'm taking the reaction in a very fat-centric way. People are used to Oprah being on a diet, what's it been like 20 years? Dooce is perfectly skinny and doesn't generally make weight an issue, at least on her blog. I think we're brainwashed that only fat people can be on a diet and only fat people should think a moment about the food they put in their mouths. There was this episode of Bones in the first season where skinny girl b tells group a through d that this other girl must be insecure because she's got a perfect figure but was eating a fat free muffin. Love that show, hate that line. Seriously, how many calories are there in muffins even if they're fat free, you could power a small town on those carbs. That always bothers me but then it bothers me too that we're supposed to believe that she looks like that without ever considering a morsel she eats and this one fat free muffin is a ringing bell of insecurity. Food is so annoying sometimes, I hate it. I love cooking and well, obviously eating, but god wouldn't it be easier if it was all like space food...pre-packaged for nutrition and you just ate it because you had to and then got back to work.

The forces of society need to sell coke and hamburgers and whatever 7 layer burritonator taco bell is flogging to keep our happy consumption economy rolling. How we can vilify the fat and celebrate that kind of eating at the same time and not see any kind of connection is incomprehensible. It's incomprehensible to me anyway that anyone really cares about what other people eat. I don't stalk and threaten the people who go through the Mcdonalds drive-thru, why should anyone care whether someone wants to change their diet for their health. People don't pelt diabetics with sweets in the street or force feed red meat to cardiac patients, who cares if someone cuts sugar and alcohol out of their diets. I just don't get it, I really don't.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

"the shrill note of hysteria in my voice"

I totally was wearing band aids that day, I'm not a complete masochist. I just play one on my blog. Heh. I think that joke is a riot, so obviously I have caught the bug that has half my office out sick. It's very inconvenient really because we're short staffed and the illness has caused my brain to go missing and really we need all the working brains we can get. It took me an hour and a half to get all the crews out this morning. We were hemorrhaging money while they dicked around with their schedules and I want very much to strangle them all. How do you say that in spanish? I'll have to look it up.

I'm trying extra hard not to cave to stupid sugar snacking today. Yesterday I was a bit stressed and I bought myself A. coke and 2. a bag of double chocolate milanos for lunch. I make very bad choices when I am pressured, choices that make me feel terribly ill as much as choices that make me fat. It's not smart. I am a smart free zone at the moment. I tried to give my cookies away but my guatamalan boyfriends have developed a sensitivity to taking things they know are/were mine. I think it's probably my fault because they offered to cook me meat a while back and uhm, obviously, I couldn't partake and it was difficult to explain. Thank christ I'm a vegetarian actually because as sweet as they are they don't hold with the very american values of saran wrap and refrigeration and eating meat that sat out for a week would probably kill me. Not to be a big fat snob about it or anything.

The boyfriend is working late all week so I have a week's worth of dates with my new book. I'm very excited about it and he's excited about eating all the things I'm going to learn how to make so it's going to be a good week. I marinated a steak that almost made him cry last night, imagine what I could do with, like, training.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Friday, June 13, 2008

welcome to sarcasmville, population: you

Today was craptastic for no particular reason. It was one of those bermuda triangle sort of days where situations and conversations wander too close to the epicenter of evil and go all to hell. People were saying and doing things that were completely insane and out of character and seriously friday the 13th is over. Furthermore, I hereby swear that if one more person says to me "it's not my problem" I will kill them and it will be just. My anger had nothing to do with my boss, who was home sick and sounded genuinely to be dying, every one else was just being a wanker...technical term. Maybe I'm expecting too much of 42 year old men who mow lawns for a living, maybe the problem is me and I need to accept that the white male empowerment of lawn maintenance providers is righteous and omniscient.

Ooh, grumpy! I'm feeling better actually. Matt had a poo of a day too so we grrr'd at each other over dinner and I think we both feel better. If it wasn't raining I'd be jogging...which I'm totally in love with. Not only am I enjoying my new shoes but I've spent a small fortune at iTunes and my mornings rock now. Pun totally intended. The one hitch is that my new running shoes are covered in blood...which is more "disgusting" than "hitch" actually. The heel support is just a little higher than my old shoes and it's rubbing me the wrong way. Again, pun totally intended. You know you've reached runner status when you draw blood and are in pain and keep running anyway. Matt is very proud. I'm proud too. There's a very special something about going from professional ass sitter to one who enjoys running, on purpose. I love calling myself a runner, I should totally make a t-shirt...dude.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

"para hacer galletas?"

I wore my new running shoes this morning and it was awesome. They're so squishy and bouncy and make me want to run all the time. Once again I'm faced with the reality that tools are important when it comes to exercise and to deny myself the right things is counter-productive. My old running shoes are perfectly clean and neat and shiny and it makes me think that I don't need new ones even though I've been running/walking in them for a year and a half and the soles are done used up. All the experts say you need new shoes for running pretty frequently and seriously, it makes a difference. They have like knowledge and expertise, that's what makes them, you know, experts so I should stop thinking I'm so smart and just do what I'm told.

Last time I got all bloggy with it did I mention that I haven't stood on a scale in ages. I actually had to vacuum it this weekend. Sad. I have noticed that my pants are getting a little looser, especially in the ass...which as you know I HATE. Why must the ass disappear, cup size man...I want to lose a cup size dammit...or at least the waist...I'm a little melancholy about the loss of the junk in my trunk. I'm going to need a junk implant, it's going to be embarrassing.

How do you follow that, I don't even know where that thought came from. I haven't had to pack chocolate for the day in ages. I can totally tell how well things are going by how much chocolate I eat in a week. This week has been almost completely chocolate free so it must be pretty good. I always think it's sort of a cop-out to let your hard work go to hell because things in your life go badly but damn is it easier to do the right things when you don't want to jump off a bridge. We humans are very complex.

Monday, June 09, 2008

No puedo comerlo

This weekend I spent a lot of time with my south of the border buddies. Did you know that you can put half a pound of sugar in a gatorade and not end up in a coma...I had no idea. I would have thought coma was the best possible conclusion to drinking that much sugar but apparently he lived to work another day. They buy and eat a hell of a lot of simple carbs, I really do worry. It makes me feel like a health nut american to question their purchases.

Our big trip to walmart was hilarious. We drove by a "mexican restaurant" which the kids from guatemala thought was really funny and probably with good reason considering mostly it's a quick-e-mart. I keep hearing them say, in english, "mexican restaurant" and giggling. You know they were doing the guatemalan equivalent to air quotes. I told my boyfriend about it later and he was like "but it's good, if you want a burrito or something" which is a violent defense for someone who has never eaten a burrito in his life. I guess he's a little sensitive about his hometown, que pobrecita!

One of the boys wanted to learn how to bake a cake, so we did and it was adorable. The other boys gave him a hard time but I told him every girl wants a man that can cook and then we had rapt attention. He was in charge of the mixer which I think he really liked. Remijio is officially my new favorite, we're making cookies next week.

Is it obvious that I have totally stopped blogging about anything fat related? Oh, it is? Ok, good. I'm still running every morning (and hey, yay for new shoes!) and telling myself I need to do Pilates without actually doing it and eating salads and blah blah but really not much has changed. I'm still a twelve and most of the time I think I look just fine. I have to remind myself of my best friend's wedding and how I really don't want to be chub-a-lub in those pictures but really that doesn't help me much. I have to find enough will to try harder without putting myself under the kind of pressure that makes you put half a pound of sugar into your gatorade. I don't think I'll ever get over that.

Friday, June 06, 2008

"it smells funny"

That's actually the most accurate Buffy quote I've ever used for a title. Notice the blandness. Anyway, the other day I came home and there was a big ass t-bone sitting on top of the trash. Where oh where did that meat come from...I asked myself. I'm usually very into my meat purchases, especially ones with coupons on the packages and it was really weird that I forgot about a big ass t-bone. I left it in the trash because it looked pretty gross but it was a serious meat mystery. Matt came in a little while later and solved the mystery for me. Someone...the someone who buys the groceries...done left the steak in the potato bag and left the potato bag in the cupboard...for a week and a half. You know you're out of touch when you have gobs of flesh sitting around your house rotting and you don't even notice.

To point out the obvious, I've been really distracted lately. I'm working a lot and things are going well and my spanish is coming along nicely. The boys almost talk to me now since I brought them all my movies that have spanish surround sound and explosions. They put the Bourne Identity on immediately and then switched to harry potter, they're just so cute!

Monday, June 02, 2008

third nipple

You know your bug bites are disgusting beyond the call of duty when your dearest friend at work says "that one looks like a third nipple". It was a very gross day. My favorite part was when one of our biggest strongest men came in to show my work bff his bug bites and she said "you think that's bad...check out amy" and then he did and he smiled for the first time all day. He was really happy about my pain and burning and I was happy to bring him some joy. And he didn't even see it at it's worst because the calamine really dulled the redness and the pulsating. It still looks like a communicable disease. Matt very gingerly applied caladryl for me and he said "oh good, it's oozing" so YAY for that.

And you know, mine wasn't the worst day because one of my guatemalans had to explain to the one english speaker how he needed a shot in the ass. And then they had to explain it to all the white women at work starting with the lead designer. I can't imagine having to tell all those people you need a shot in the ass and could they maybe help you out with that. We actually figured something out and went to walmart and got some vitamins and hopefully that works because I really don't want him to be sick. I really don't. I want everyone to be well and happy and YAY and if the guys at work who work in the bugs all day want to revel in my pus, well then so be it. I can roll with that.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

There's something really satisfying about pushing things through a wood chipper.

But it makes you tired as hell. Tired like there aren't words for. And also thirsty. And maybe a little bit whiny. I swear thought that I only just started whining, now that the work is done. It really was awesome exercise, god knows I wouldn't exercise all day if we didn't have a garden full of trees to deal with. Seriously though, next time we're burning that shit.

My guatemalans made me buy sneakers this weekend. They made me go to shaws, which is next to reny's, which is where I found two pairs of squishy running shoes which I didn't need to buy. I mean, I do kind of need new running shoes but I don't need two pairs and now the guatemalans think I'm a big spender. Actually, that was the mexican guy who made me show him my purchases and almost died after seeing the price. I almost killed my workers with shopping. You know you have a problem when...

I feel justified in having one new pair of running shoes because I've actually been running. Every day this week, and last week but not so much today because of the "oh my god" chipping. I'm quite proud of myself actually. I always feel like I'm not exercising enough, castrating myself for just running and not doing pilates and kickboxing and also I really need to vacuum. I'm deciding to be proud of all the things I do accomplish instead of loathing myself for all the things I don't do. So, YAY for running.

Right now I'm too tired to type. Everyone should have a chipper in their home gyms, and a forest.