Hi Nick, loved the email. Gee, it has been awhile. It's not for lack of content. The things they have been happening. I just I can't seem to wrap my brain around any of them. There's nothing earth shattering going on, nothing is any worse than it was before. The big issue today is that I actually said the words "this is me resigning" to my boss. I didn't end up actually leaving because...I don't know why...I can't explain how I ended up staying. I'm clearly insane. This the second time I've grabbed my bag with the intention of leaving and we're officially on strike two of a three strikes and you're out purse grabbing scenario. He should now know that I don't need to be there and he needs to work a little harder not to be crazy. He also needs to work on remembering that he spoke to injured employee A and told her she'd be fine before he goes home and tells his wife all about the day and comes back to tell me all the things I did wrong because "how did you know she was unconscious when you took her to the ER?" is a seriously ridiculous question.
On subjects that don't make me want to throw things, Dietgirl asked me where in Scotland the family castle is. Heh, that was totally number two on my list but it's clearly going to be awhile because I've no idea where the family castle is. I tried to ask my Dad but he spent the whole time telling me about his informal book club (would you like 36 random books from strangers, ask me how!) and how when he was in England with the navy he lived off Hershey bars and how HE'S NEVER GOING BACK. He's a bit distracted in his retirement but I'm confident eventually he'll tell me, his brother stayed there a few years back and I guess I could just ask him but I've been busy stuffing one breast at a time into my bridesmaids dress. Hey, look what I did there...subtle. Remember the dress I freaked out and ordered because the first dress was a bit wee (shameless Scotsism)? Well, the new dress in a size larger is just as snug and the only way it fits is if I slip it over my head fully zippered and shimmy things in one at a time. The tailor is going to be super impressed and might possibly weep, I'll keep you updated.
I have more insanity to report but I hardly know where to start. My dearest dearie at work gave her notice two weeks ago and so tomorrow is her last day and I'm pretty sure strike three purse grabbing is very near in the future, like maybe tuesday after my dress fitting. I scheduled the appointment in the nearest possible slot because I feel a need to get on with the weddingness. The unfortunate thing is that I could chain myself to my pilates mat but I'm still not going to lose thirty pounds by tuesday at ten unless I chop off an arm. I'm going to buy some spanx and forget about it. I can't freak out about the wedding and everything else all at once so I'm going to make peace with the wedding and the fat and just be the best bridesmaid I can be at a size 12. C'est la vie. Now I have to go eat chocolate and write a resume and on the next installment of how amy's life turns I'll tell you all about how I think I was drunk last week for the very first time! Yay!