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10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

"you want me to admit I'm an asshole? Sign a statement swearing I'm an asshole?"

Today was a rough day and I don't want to talk about it. Which is obviously why I'm blogging about it. Speaking of things that make me cranky, we watched "who killed the electric car?" and it was very annoying. It's fascinating in that I had thought bio-diesel was the way to go but now I'm thinking plug-in hybrid and pretty much anything that doesn't put money in bush's pocket. Unfortunately battery only might not work here in the super cold, even bio-diesel isn't great in the sub-zero temps. Prius might be as good as it gets in the great cold ass north.

My jaw has been fused by stress for the last few days. Which strangely hasn't kept me from eating everything before me. I have no excuse, it's stress eating and you'll feel better if you eat this eating and pretty much stupid eating. I haven't gained any weight yet it's just depressing because I know I'm only eating because I'm grumpy. I used to snack at work because I was bored and somehow that was easier to put a stop to, have some tea and get over it. Now it's more difficult especially because I don't even keep a tea cup at work anymore. I even took my "personal" pens home so the business can't unduly profit from my used bics, that's how grumpy I am.

What to do, what to do. I'm searching the want ads and pulling out my pilates mat tomorrow. Yesterday I used my stepper and today I went up and down the actual stairs a hundred times...which has to count for something. I realized today that I really want to be running. It's probably a highly symbolic form of exercise for me at the moment, I want to jog and think and work out the GRRR. I thought the kickboxing would be good for that but it's sort of difficult to keep up with the routines when your mind is so busy. You really have to pay attention to what you're punching and kicking or you get all turned around and step on your cat. Fact. The thought of running is so freeing. If I wasn't ready to walk out on my job at any minute I'd totally buy a treadmill.

Clearly I'm editing this post the next day. It's become really difficult to think about normal things and god forbid write anything worthwhile when my brain is absorbed in thinking about how I made a big mistake and risks are bad and how will I feed the cat and pay the dsl bill if I quit tomorrow? Some days I think I can survive anything and some days I can't and clearly I'm going insane because all I can think about is post-it notes.

3 comments:

MayQueen said...

I said "No. I've got my own schedule for these things, boys."

I didn't realize how much I was stress eating because of my Long Island landscaping job until I quit it and lost ten pounds without even trying. That job was terrible. You know what's funny? Well, maybe not so funny, but my two best friends now both have jobs in the landscaping business and you both have bosses that are mental. Just like I did! Maybe it's an industry thing.

Sugarcrook said...

I've never seen the advantage of a plug-in electric car. The electricity has to come from someplace, right?

Regarding the job search, aren't a number of places gearing up for summer? Should be something available out there. But there's always baking..... :)

athena said...

Not funny haha. Maybe it is an industry thing, it's bizarre.

Yes, I could get any number of jobs in a month. The organic bakery is hiring too which would be a good start.