"The truth is there's always more down"

So, I want to say right now that I've worked pretty hard not to whine about the job lately. I'm trying very hard to be a grownup and accept responsibility for my decision and tough it out. There are two things I do every day now that I work where I work, prepare for a fight and pack chocolate for lunch. Today I offered some of my lunch chocolate to my work BFF and I mentioned how compelled I am to eat chocolate since I started this job. She said "me too, it's because we're abused". We're always discussing our plight: educated, employed white women in the free world. And then we laugh at our hypocrisy. In all honesty though, she's very concerned about starting her career at a place with such a shady reputation. I'm just annoyed to be treated badly, I don't really care about the impact on my career because I don't see my future as an administrative assistant. Maybe that's foolish of me but mostly I just think about the money so I'd put my bets on shallow over foolish.

Anyway, today I wasn't prepared for a fight. Every time I do my job I prepare myself to defend whatever I've done. For example, the printer calls and says you need to approve the proof before the catalogue can go to print. The catalogue getting printed is a priority of the boss' so you go to the printer and approve the print. There a few things the boss could say in this example. If you're very lucky he will be on the phone and will never notice you are gone. He could say "that was fast and efficient how you handled that errand, what a stellar employee I have here". He could say "I thought that was taken care of" and then you have to explain the process and he swears up and down that he's never had to do that before and it's probably true because a) he doesn't do it and b) I wouldn't explain it to him if I didn't have to either.

In today's real life scenario, the embroiderer came to deliver some samples. As the boss went down to talk to the embroider he said "I need an inventory of the shirts we have". I went to my office, tidied the project I was working on and returned to his office to do the inventory. We will be starting work in two weeks (unofficially), I presumed we would like to have our inventory complete before 30 employees arrive that need shirts so we can order what we need. Apparently I put the pre in sumed because my boss says to me that my taking on this project at this moment must mean that I have nothing to do and he'll have to take a look at my to do list. I wasn't prepared to argue with him, I just said I thought we'd like the inventory before we start work. He said he doesn't need it right now so why am I wasting my time on it. Like doing everything at the last minute is a work ethic I need to embody.

He also takes issue with the number of post-it notes I have on my "desk" (quotes because it's not a desk at all, it's a fucking counter and I just feel a need to moan about it) because he thinks they all represent unfinished projects. He used this against me today, it's one of his favorites. Mostly they're reminders and not very important. I have a running list of needed office supplies, I have a note to call a lady who is never home or has caller id which I would totally understand, and notes of his appointments to help me remind him. There is not one single half finished project note. I guess I should be glad that at least I know he doesn't read them. Which makes me wonder if he'll notice that I took all of my personal things home tonight. Not that I kept many there. I also grabbed my yogurt out of the fridge because if I'm quitting I'm going to need to ration that yogurt.

Tomorrow I have a worker's comp. conference. My chocolate buddy asked if I was still going when she saw me cleaning my desk and I said yes, I can always put it on my resume. Maybe I'll cool down enough tomorrow and remember the big fat check and find a way to take the abuse until I find something else. Right now I'm not sure it's worth it.