I'm finding it very difficult to gather myself for the, err, coming struggles. One minute I feel super confident and the next I just wish I could go back in time. I'm really trying to believe that everything happens for a reason and something positive will come of this but mostly I think I'm being punished for making a mistake. Which is very dramatic I know. I think the root of the problem is that I'm punishing myself. I stopped exercising, I stopped being a scrupulous saver and I started believing that maybe I could stand being belittled as long as it pays well. That's not taking charge of your life, in the traditional sense.
I have removed the rest of this, better to not be in the public view after all. Patience is a virtue.