"Shopping?"

Two and a half days left of ye olde bank job. It's weird to be leaving, really really weird. It's weird to be doing all the things I'm doing right now, like shopping and buying and more shopping and not feeling guilt about it. I'm so busy with the shopping I'm barely tingly over my new computer. I feel like I should be riddled with spending guilt and I can't decide if that's good or bad. I don't want to feel guilty about buying things I need to buy but I don't want to runaway with the feeling and get myself into debt again. Never Never Never. It's a very transitional time for me.

I feel this need to bolster myself for this change. Bolster is probably a bad choice of words there, I guess I just mean I want to be prepared. It feels a little like graduating from junior high and looking forward to being a new person in high school. You want to fit in with the cool kids and wear cool clothes and be funny and smart and blah blah blah. I feel a little like an impostor. It's not that I really believe that the right clothes will make the difference but I want to feel confident going in. I'm the administrator for a bunch of creative types. Adorable creative types who are also skinny.

My counterpart is extremely cute, cute in that slightly bed ruffled hippie designer sort of way. I totally want to be her. I have to accept that I'm not and also that really deep down I don't want to be her I just want to be a better version of me. I don't have the bed ruffled hippie thing going on, I'm more of a clean lines and casual elegance sort of girl and there's no reason not to embrace that now that I can. It feels like an opportunity to reinvent myself. Not completely, just enough to move forward and leave some crap behind. I'm ready to leave some crap behind, and definitely the uninspired weight losing wardrobe of inadequacy. Is this post really all about clothes? No, it's about other stuff too but mostly I want to feel good about myself moving forward.