Just because I haven't received the new pants from the Gap there's no reason not to begin searching for the perfect shoes to wear with them. It's called thinking ahead, can't say I'm not a practical girl. God, I love shoes. I try hard not to be that girl, the girl with a hundred pairs of shoes she never wears, I just can't help it sometimes. A nice man just called me a stylish girl. Which makes me want to shop for shoes even more. He must work for Zappos.
On the habit front things are going well. I'm practicing my internal fat inquisition. Example A: Idle thought "mmm, poptarts" followed by: What time is it? Did I just eat breakfast? Am I going to eat lunch very soon? Am I even hungry? Am I bored? How about some nice tea? Safe to say I've had a lot of tea this morning. I'm also practicing the "well, if you're really hungry have some yogurt/pear/oranges that are so good and will totally go bad if you don't eat them all now".
When I was in high school my sister used to steal my day planner and write silly things at random. Tuesday, March 3, 1998 "consider career in cheese making" Friday, November 12, 1999 "can't pay too much for a good pair of shoes", things like that. She's the same sister who leaves me voice mails like Catherine would if Heathcliff had a cellphone but that's not the point. The point is that I need to take up her example and write in my planner things to remind me much this sucks. On my birthday I will write "Do not ask boyfriend to order you big huge birthday cake, no REALLY!". At random I will scribble "do more pilates, your back will thank you!" and "remember pears, you really like them better than crappy chocolate!". I will also write call sister and sing show tunes off-key because she does that too and what's not to reciprocate there?
Basically, I want to remember how hard this is, I don't want to do this again. I loathe the cliches about how nothing tastes as good as thin feels, instead I want to remember that nothing feels as good as healthy feels. Screw thin and starving yourself and denial and all that, I want to feel strong and confident in my choices again. Ditto my body. It's a good body, it works hard when I ask it to and it's full of muscles and more strength than I give it credit for. No more taking that for granted, no more wasting time thinking I can't do something so why even try. I've been trying for a few weeks to keep my house clean and it's working. I'm reaping the benefits of my efforts to have a neat house, no reason I can't reap benefits of effort all over as long as I don't get in my own way.