10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

"And never hope more than you work."

A fitting quote for today I think. There's talk and there's action and I'm trying to be all active but since the smart thing to do is to be silent for the time being I'm feeling a big conflicted. Or a ton conflicted. An acre of confliction. Matt and I keep talking about things. He's very supportive and telling me all the jump and the net will appear sort of things. I'm not a jump and the net will appear sort of girl, by nature. I would very much like 5 nets and a supplier in line for the 6th. It's apparent to me now that I have trust issues, trusting myself not excluded. It'll be something to work on while I'm sitting home, alone, with no prospects and a hungry cat.

No, not really. I'm being dramatic. As much as it pains me to be the lay-about jobless girlfriend, we will survive just fine and probably the jobless thing won't even happen. It wouldn't be so bad if it did though. I'd like to take some time and volunteer, and write, and find someplace to bake. This is the time to just try stuff. The years I missed out on while I was so busy getting my safety nets all lined up. My father will have a total cow though, being the one who raised me and taught me to go directly to panic, do not stop do not collect 200. I've no idea how I'm going to tell him if I leave with no job on offer. Maybe I'll write a letter and then chuck my phone in the sea.

I'm bouncing around 176, which is a little aggravating but only when I have the time to think about it. It's nice to have vanity a little lower on my priorities for once. I'm a little worried about what will happen if I'm home for awhile. Weight wise that is. I'd like to think I'll spend every minute exercising, I know I'll feel like I should. Like I should get something out of the endeavor and that something should be a smaller ass. I guess it's one of the many things that I will have allow to unfold, to see how it plays. Time to have some faith and some trust in myself. Mantra Mantra Mantra...


Sarah said...

I'm sending good thoughts in your direction. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in your work! It's a big part of life. I bet that leaving that place behind will be better for your program, not worse. Good luck!

athena said...

Thanks. I do too. Shit, I could even join a gym like a normal person if I worked somewhere like a normal city.

Real Live Lesbian said...

What a great quote!

I'll be thinking about that.

I've been hoping to get on the treadmill. Hmmm.