10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

"I'm just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain."

if you run to the post office when it's -11 and you don't take your coat because you're only going to get the mail it's pretty much guaranteed you'll spend half an hour walking an alzheimer's patient to the dentist.* there's not enough tea in the world to warm you up after that...but i'm working on it.

in good news the scale read 172 this morning. so i'm on maintenance mode. maintenance warpath more like. i really don't want to go back up again. it's getting old. i'm going to put all of that frustration into staying right where i am. which means no more soda for awhile.

i've been drinking more than i should (probably 4 a week instead of 1 a week) because my throat has been bothering me. it's the bubbles, they're healing. i've had a sort of russian roulette of cold symptoms for a few months now. today a stuffy nose, tomorrow my ears explode. nothing that has actually equalled a cold, but not 100% either. so i've been placating myself with extra soda. instead of medical attention. no grass growing here!

long story short i'll be drinking more tea. green tea. i don't know for certain that the green tea helps me stay the course but i stopped drinking it last week in favor of lady grey black. a week that resulted in 174 pounds. probably it was all that macaroni & cheese and chinese food but why take risks? i'm green tea and honey lady atleast until i feel better or reach goal weight. whichever comes first. heh.

*again. i really hope that's where he was supposed to go today.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

"Raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun: You're never gonna get the good stuff."

i'm a hypocrite of my last post and it only took me a day. i went to the mall and bought the size 12 jeans last night. for full price. take that controlling my personal finances. the thing is that i went home and changed out of my work clothes (which miraculously still look ok 20 pounds later?) and put on some jeans. some size 14 jeans i bought a month ago and have hardly worn (see emotional attachment to baggy size 16's) and are now too big. the waist is workable with a belt but the ass. oh, the ass. there is no ass. there is only denim. tent like denim. so i went and picked up the 12's.

i drove an hour both ways for no reason other than to buy a pair of jeans that cost more than my monthly clothing budget and don't actually fit well enough to wear out of the house. i spent that whole saturday telling myself that cute clothes would be there when they fit me and when i have the money. and it was fine. i was just happy to see the progress. really. and then i went home last night and put on my brand new tent ass jeans and i guess i sort of snapped. on the one hand i have to remember that this is a work in progress and the rewards will be there when i'm ready. on the other i feel like all this work is worthless if i still hate the way i look.

can you tell that i still feel guilty. that the guilt is oozing out of my pores. i'm secretly hoping that the shipment of underwires winging their way to my door don't fit so i can recoup the money for this months budget. i'm also painfully relieved that there is some strange 90 day return policy at the gap this month. i have 90 days to fit into those jeans. i want to write a letter but i hardly think they'll appreciate thanks from someone so grateful to return their merchandise.

on the fat front the scale read 174 again this morning. so i'll be working on returning to 171. and holding there. that's the new issue, maintaining a few pounds at a time. i've bounced back up from 171 to 174 a few times and it's getting old. i get lazy, or someone visits, or i visit my family and i lose my ability to maintain. i know i can do better than that. i know the difference between one occasional indulgence and constant indulgences i'm just not putting it into practice as well as i could be. something to work on.

Monday, January 29, 2007

"How will I know what to wear?" "Do you own anything else?" "Not as such, no."

i came here all intending to write about these jeans at the gap. and how they were size 12's. and i could button them. it was a very hallmark sort of moment i had in the dressing room and now i'm all distracted because i got a days worth of hits already and all from the wall street journal. i hit the link and apparently you need to be a subscriber to see more than pq's blurb. you'll all be proud to know it only took me 5 minutes to remember that i work in a BANK...and we get the wall street journal every day. so i was able to find the article (on the back page if anyone else is looking for it on paper) and it's very nice. a little re-cap and plug for a few weightlosing blogsters.

it was good timing for newcomers because i just did the year wrap up thing. i do feel this need to go back and capitalize and use grammar and speak english. but that wouldn't be honest. in that vein, i am "honestly" a little worried about my financial ridiculousnesses being under the practiced eye of journal readers but, dude, that's what blogs are. if i didn't want to lay it all out i'd do the pen and ink thing in the privacy of my own home. which i do have a sort of victorian sentimentality for i just never seem get around to it. and then who would read it and support my lust for buffy quotes and feed my ego. no one. tres sad.

but back to the pants. size 12's. i didn't buy them. because you don't buy 70 dollar jeans just because you can button them. you wait until you can both button them and maintain a sitting position without dying. but that's the next goal right there. and pretty soon i'll meet it.

i'm a little torn about the last living pair of 16's in my closet. also a pair of gap jeans that i've worn and loved for probably two years. i have a sort of bizarre attachment to them. i remember when they were too small. that would have been right around when i started this new blog. i remember how fat and awful i felt when those jeans didn't fit. hopeless. to have them falling off now is such a high that it's kept me wearing them long after i should have put them away. i've mentioned before that i don't have any fat clothes. i've been getting rid of them slowly because it depressed me to see them around. but i think i'll keep this pair, so when i do that woman's day cover i can hold them out and show the empty space that would fit five hams. and the headline will totally say "lost five hams just by typing badly in a public format! you can too!".

so, welcome new readers and thanks to the journal for the blurb!

Friday, January 26, 2007

happy fataversary to me

today marks exactly one year since i started posting on this here blog. a few days after my inital post i stepped on the scale at my first physical since before college and weighed 196. my highest documented weight. at my height that weight gave me a BMI of 31.6 and placed me as obese. a category i'd never properly considered for myself. it's not like i didn't know i was fat. or that i was happy about it or anything. i just really didn't care. i suppose that's what happens when all of your energy is spent on surviving grief. you get up everyday and you do the things you have to do and nothing really registers. the starting of this blog was the beginning of me rebuilding my life.

the blog has taken some different turns in a year. from the very personal journal of a person coming out of depression to an exercise and diet journal to whatever the hell it is now. when i go back through the archives the obvious need for therapy is sort of frightening but i'm very impressed by my motivation. it was almost manic. full throttle. which i guess worked for a while. i had to prove to myself that i could enact change and i did with the south beach diet thing and enough running/walking to give myself shin splints. and then i sort of stalled.

when i started to feel better emotionally and lost about ten pounds, watching every bite and running in negative degree weather wasn't so important anymore. i still lost a little, but it was slow. nowhere near what the manic motivator had projected (i can't bring myself to link to that post but somewhere i wrote i'd be at goal before summer...hehehe) but i got myself into the merely overweight range for BMI.

i gave up south beach sometime at the end of february and went it alone foodplan wise. i counted calories for awhile which was very enlightening if not a successful tool for me longterm. it taught me to see reality and not merely my perception of it. i learned having soda once in a while was not a one way ticket back to obesity. i also learned how perfectly healthy things, when you eat them 24/7, aren't the key to a size six bod. so now i work the middle. i read labels and make choices. the low-fat thing isn't always the low cal thing. the low-sugar things sometimes have more chemicals than a dupont factory. if i really crave some milanos it's better not to read the back of the bag...but it's best to share them with the boyfriend.

somewhere along the line i decided i was ready to be serious and motivated again and i made some little changes. and shaved off another ten or so pounds. this morning, after a week of not very careful eating and no weighing at all, i came in at 174 with a BMI of 28.9. i've lost a total of 22 pounds and about 3 BMI points. to get back to normal, i need to lose another 20 pounds. somehow i feel normal already and those 20 pounds seem like more of a bonus. reason enough to keep the extra chips and cookies out of the house, but not out of my life completely. reason enough to hop on the stepper or the pilates mat, but not to live with shin splints.

when i started this blog i sort of assumed that this year would suck. i would spend it in a gym surrounded by spandex clad stick insects and eating one rice cake a week and inevitably end in failure. but the year didn't suck. and i'm sort of shocked that i didn't fail myself. i don't think i've thought about it quite that way before. i made the assumption this year in weightloss would be another self-fulfilling prophecy of my inability to change for the better. but it wasn't. i'm still surprised by that. and glad. there's a lot of years left to live and blog and be skinny and i look forward to surprising the hell out of myself at every years' end.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

"Hey, good news. The doctor says that the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, but we gotta keep using the ointment."

when i was doing the clean house or bust thing this weekend i tore a big ass chunk out of my finger. i didn't realize how nasty it really was until yesterday when matt suggested maybe there was a cream or a bandage i could put on it. mostly i was going through the days saying "ow" a lot and trying not to get sharp things stuck in the wound. it's a truth universally acknowledged that if your boyfriend who has spent time picking metal out of the drill hole in his hand thinks your cut is gross, you should probably bond with some antibiotics.

besides the ointment problem it could have been a really good day. the utility company came through and finished their work yesterday. it was a beautiful thing and it brought us much joy. for about an hour. until mr. matt got a call saying that his dad and brother went ahead and turned on the juice without calling him first...and fried the brand new transformer the very day it was put in. four months and six thousand dollars later we have a brand new broken transformer. ha. isn't that ironic. like a fly in your chardonnay. like rain on your wedding day. like having your son/brother change his locks so you can't fuck up his house with anymore "help". ironic.

so matt's spending his day out at the house with a locksmith, an electrician and his overflowing well of tears. the poor dear. i'm spending my day looking for furniture for the new house. hopeful shopping. lookout february, we might actually get to move. it's so exciting when you stop thinking about what a pain it all is in practice. i can't wait.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

"That's the kind of wooly: headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten."

see what happens when you encourage me, more buffy quotes. i don't know about the poundage because i totally forgot to do the scale thing this morning. probably because i was up all night waiting for an amy and biting my fingernails because apparently it snowed like a biatch but only in portland. a fluke if there ever was one. but she's here and she's safe and if i could keep her chained to the furnace i would because i'm already bummed that she has to leave again.

in fat news, or clothing news, i found some great stuff when i cleaned out the wardrobes. including a skirt that i had convinced myself i gave away and have been mourning, and it almost fits. it's a relic from the years the limited actually had a 12 and that 12 actually fit me. i'm hoping to get some wear out of it this winter as it's wool and beautiful. i haven't worn it since the summer of my junior year of college. (a wool skirt in summer. yes, i was an idiot, but a size 12 idiot) good things can come of cleaning. (D&D i don't know about the skinny=clean but i like finding stuff i forgot i had)

Monday, January 22, 2007

"You know all that stork stuff is just a smokescreen"

i do make a lot with the buffy quotes, count me among the legions of joss whedon love slaves. i personally can't wait to see the referrals that come for that last sentence, it's gonna be a party. speaking of parties, some of my favorite girls are coming to visit today. i'm starting the week at about 171 and hopefully i can finish not too much higher. which shouldn't be a problem because i think i got a weeks' worth of exercise yesterday cleaning my house. which reminds me, if you have wood floors and a cat i highly recommend using pledge in the living room. there are few things more life affirming than watching your cat slide across the room.

i cut my closet in half this weekend. it was a very everything must go sort of event. i have a huge garbage bag full of clothes to give away. i haven't necessarily grown out of them, i just don't want to wear them. they sort of remind me of being depressed and fat and sad. screw that. there are people here who can use warm clothes so they're going away to someone who'll be glad to have them. there's no reason to keep clothes that make me depressed and fill up my closet. funny, i don't feel that way about shoes...

so my college friends are due to arrive way late this evening. all i've thought about all weekend is what to feed them. someone wrote recently about knowing a few feeders...that's definitely me. there's definitely some much repressed mothering urge going on there. i've been holding out cooking anything too calorific just for myself incase things worked and they did make their visit. full steam ahead for macaroni and cheese and flourless chocolate cake. i love visitors. so much so that i scrubbed my floor three times on my hands and knees. i really want to leave it dirty for the landlord for my own sadistic and self satisfying reasons. maybe i'll have time to trash it before we move. i hope.

Friday, January 19, 2007

"what's your favorite humming noise?"

today i had a glorious weigh in of 173. it was a beautiful thing. i'm pretty sure angels sang and fairies wept. i've vowed to never move the scale again. whatever is up with the magnetism in that particular spot is exactly the kind of magnetism i want to encourage. go forces of nature. woot!

in other news, the snow that caused them to cancel today's school day yesterday is actually rain. and it's 41 degrees. not that i'm complaining. we did however do the grocery shopping last night so as to avoid the eggs/bread/milk/apocolypse shoppers this afternoon. and we bought a ton a of ice cream. and yet managed to forgot an integral part of dinner so i have to hit the market again on the way home. so much planning, so little success. in the girl scout cookies as crack vein, we bought samoas ice cream. i had a spoonful last night and pretty much it just makes you want the real thing. almost edy's, but no cigar on that one.

pounds are on the move again and more of my clothes do not fit. i have to do another clearout before we move. thankfully i get to ditch some bras this time around. the awful padded ones i had to buy almost exactly a year ago because the ones i fit into again now were too small. that was a horrible experience. one i don't really want to repeat. but i'm wondering if i'll ever be able to buy nice brassieres again. lane bryant has seriously let me down. i'm relieved not to have to shop there, even if i did only ever buy Cacique, but it's not because of the sizes. they still carry my size it's just that all of their stuff is awful. you've got the choice of whore sub-category babylon or grandma and it's not ok. anything remotely attractive does not exist over a D or is painfully unflattering in practice. and this is where i asked for suggestions...until i realized that all the stores that didn't carry my size before i started do carry it now.

including the gap. where i was searching for jeans that are both short and wide but not as wide as the ones i have right now and then decided to check out the bras for kicks. i'm pretty excited. i also fit into victoria's secret now, albeit selectively. matt will be excited about that. it seemed to really offend him that the breast empire had nothing for me. maybe they can make up now my size has changed.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

"we could invite the chess club, but they drink...start fights."

it's an amazing fact that if you actually eat lunch you don't spend the afternoon thinking "hungry...so hungry". we ordered thai food today and it was a very good decision. it was neither cheap not low calorie and it was great. i especially liked that i can still only eat half because then i get dinner out of it too. and that pleases me. we spent all day watching the construction that is preventing us from having customers. the thai food excursion was the definitive of boredom eating. i have to learn to accept that it's ok to give in once in a while. not the end of the world. and it's nice not to be counting the minutes till dinner because i keep forgetting extra snacks.

i keep reading about how green tea is supposed to boost your metabolism amongst the myriad* other great things it does for you. i found a few bags of lady grey green in the great tea consolidation of 2007 and wow, i really liked that tea. now i'm working on my earl grey green which is almost as good and which i have a lot more of to whittle down. i have to say i've been hungry with capital grrr since i started drinking it. i can't prove it's related but i love unlikely and un-provable weightloss theorems so it works for me all around. and it's tasty. if i figure out a way to measure honey well and am happy with the calorie content (don't know it off the top of my head) i might switch there as well. honey is up on all the same lists for goodness of health so it would be a good habit.

and for no reason in particular, the four door wrangler is painfully unpleasant to look at. vomitously so. fyi.

*i can't seem to decide if this is a correct usage. sarah?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"no shoes, no pulse, no service"

since i have a financial job and i live in seemingly constant financial crisis it was only a matter of time that i did the all i can think about is taxes post. that's all i can think about lately, taxes. i'm determined that it will not suck like it did last year. so i did a pre-run through and i owe 47 dollars. so far IRS-2 points : Me-weeping incessantly.

i refuse to pay this year. what good is living on the poverty line if you still have to give bush money? no good, there is no good there. so i'm going to do everything i can think of to lower the bar of my tax burden. sadly, i can't go blind for a prior tax year. it's much too late to birth dependants for 2006 or buy a house. too late to marry, although i don't know if that would really help me anyway, and too late to take everything i own to goodwill for a charitable contribution receipt.

however, all is not lost. it's not too late to make the most of the excise tax refund. i printed no less than two trees worth of phone bills to see if it's worth itemizing the spanish war deduction. i'm not sure it's worth it. i have to go back to 2003 and do some more research. but i did learn that you should save your bills instead of shredding them. i always told myself one day i'd suffer my refusal to save them and here i am, an amy of my word.

and then i opened a health savings account, which if you have a high deductible policy i highly recommend; not only can you do this until april 15 (or april 17 in Maine and Mass.) for a prior tax year, if you make it to 65 without having a medical emergency you can go to tahiti; it's a win-win situation.* the fine print, i must admit, makes me a little wary but i absolutely refuse to pay this year so there it is. it must be done. i'm also considering an IRA, which would be just as good if not better because you can withdraw the principle whenever/whyever and would help me write off more funds, but frankly i'm a little cash poor so i might have to work that mojo next year.

with my tweaks, it looks like i'll clear this year even rather than owing. i don't ask for much do i? course the state will be a different matter. the state does not careth how thou masketh thee earnings. thou must payeth, and with haste. i could do a run through with my assumed federal numbers but i'm a little worried. i'm not emotionally ready. i have, however, been showing a pound loss for a couple of days. which pleases me very much. if i can hold on to that progress the state of maine might not break my heart after all.

*i do hope you realize auto-spell check did this, i would never use a semi-colon let alone two in one sentence. be advised.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

"what is this? a tour of the world's hottest places and the next stop is hell?"

walmart is even more evil than i thought, and i'll tell you why. this weekend matt needed stuff for an oil change and since it's five dollars cheaper at walmart i couldn't begrudge him the savings. so we went. and it was awful. for one reason. an evil, cloven footed man asked me if i wanted to try some slimfast. not only is that a really bad sales strategy, it's a one way trip to on the job injuries. i hardly ever want to punch people at stores but that would have been reasonable violence. practically self defense. no jury would convict. you have to wonder about a company that would let someone stand at the door with little cups of slimfast picking out fat ladies doing their shopping. it's just wrong.

Friday, January 12, 2007

never tell IT your computer responds to violence

they won't believe you. they might actually think it's your fault that the monitor doesn't work because you have to encourage it. the strong willed dell flatscreen...coming to bookstores near you.

i really hope i got that title right otherwise that joke sucks. they're pimping girlscout cookies on the radio. not only will no girlscouts cross my path but it'll be months before they start selling them out of the backs of vans like scallops. clearly i'm feeling a little weak just now and a box of samoas (or the more pc caramel delights depending on your region) would really be awesome.

remember that thing i wrote that time, about buying stuff and not eating it. matt and i had this conversation about the cupboard. the one with the 14 bags of chocolate chips. yeah, i wasn't joking about that. i also have 4 or 5 (can't remember) bottles of aunt jemima. because a. pancakes are the one thing my crohn's boyfriend can always eat. and b. it's sort of expensive for high fructose corn syrup and i buy bulk when it's on sale. well, it's on sale this week and i have coupons. a lot of coupons. there was clearly some meddling by the gods because i got to sort through four set of coupons this weekend and now i have four coupons for pancake syrup. the buy two save a dollar kind. that's eight. eight plus 4 is WAY too many for my kitchen.

clearly i'm a compulsive coupon shopper, no denial here. today. but i really don't think i can resist buying atleast two. and the greater issue is that i still need to allow myself the opportunity of being a glutton if i wanted to. a different amy in a different life wouldn't have a stockpile of baking chocolate because she would've used every last morsel by now. as evidenced by her ass and it's largess. by the same token, i used to join matt for pancakes on the weekends. it's rare now that i start my day off with all that sugar and that's why we have a quartet of jemimas. so really, all that crap food in my cupboard is progress and not unreasonable hoarding. see? the sense, it practically oozes from the screen.

Thursday, January 11, 2007


one should be careful when filing reports of fraud on one's credit report because one might remember that BayBank, where one opened one's account as a child, changed hands more often than a 2 dollar hooker and could very well have closed out as Bank of America. whoopsy.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

"i am the bug man, coo-koo catchoo"

i can tell you from experience that it's very difficult to find the right spelling of coo koo catchoo. pretty much every possible spelling has been used on hundreds of pages and it's pretty much impossible. just so y'all know. consider it a public service announcement.

i made nachos for dinner last night. and now i need to think of a vehicle for the red kidney beans i didn't use. i haven't been cooking much lately. the holiday baking thing sort of ruined me for food preparation for awhile. there's been a lot of spaghetti with homemade albeit frozen sauce and broiled fish which doesn't actually take any work. the beans are trickier in that the possibilities are pretty much endless. how lazy am i? lazy enough to make some spanish rice from a box and just chuck the beans in? or will i saute some vaguely mexican-y vegetables and make fajitas?

this sort of reminds me of how they served vegetables in college. the most interesting part of the food was always the name. like how every corn side dish they served was a mix of corn, beans and something green and they would give it an appropriate name to go with the main dish. mediterranean corn, california corn, and mexi-corn which has to be my favorite. maybe i'll make mexi-beans. i have some college friends visiting soon and i have this urge to label all the foods and maybe put up a sneeze guard.

anyway, cooking. which i haven't been doing. and what to do with the beans so they don't spoil before i plan something. i'm sort of thinking soup. because i went through my cupboards last night (14 bags of assorted chocolate chips, for the love of god) and i have many, many things that need to get used before their time. including free-range organic chicken broth for all you dooce fans and some house of thai coconut milk i don't actually remember buying. have you ever gone to allrecipes.com and put in all the random stuff in your cupboard? sadly my whole list doesn't have any recipes, but if i edit the coconut milk i get some decent choices. and if i take out the boring ass chicken broth i get some really cool recipes.

i guess i'm a fan of sweet rice and beans. and links apparently. which i feel sort of bad about. it's sort of like blog roulette around here, whether or not i'll have something interesting to talk about. i don't know what to say about that really. things are definitely different now that i've lost a bit of weight. like the urgency is gone. it seems it wasn't impossible after all and now the impossible part is to keep going. which i definitely want to do. i just have to remind myself more frequently. and with charts. and a power point presentation.

i've definitely been snacking when i wasn't hungry, but just because i wanted something. i haven't done that in ages and it's not helping me get below 174. which is the primary goal right now. i'd really like to do another 20 this year, but i'm going to do it one pound at a time and i'm going to look at it like that. because it's been working for me. i'm not going to be upset that i didn't lose 5 pounds after a hard week, i'm going to be glad that i kept one off. i will retrain my brain if the process kills me. like the marines but with grapefruit.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

"no, YOU should go to japanese restaurant hostess school"

i spent this weekend at home. with my sister. and we were silly together. which is really the only way to be with one's sister. and her children who are perfect. even when they fight. the phrase "i am ignoring you. i hate dora." will live on beyond that aisle in target where em and i crashed with laughter and left a bewildered matt to handle the children. and then we went to a japanese steakhouse and waited for three hours for dinner. and we tried to make matt call the restaurant on his cell and ask weird questions but he wouldn't play with us. overall it was a goodtime. i love going home. except when i come back sick.

that's what i did yesterday. i sat on my bed watching Bones and blowing my nose. and drinking tea. and not doing anything remotely diet-y. holding at 174. could be more depressing. it can always be more depressing. it's the knowing i've been giving myself slack that i don't necessarily need that irks me. aww, you don't feel good? have some candy. s.l.a.c.k.e.r.

so i'm going for a walk today. i'm mostly feeling better but i can always pick up some nyquil on my walk if i feel the need of it. it would be wrong not to take advantage of this freakishly beautiful weather. apparently new england hasn't seen temperatures like this (50-60) since 1950. which actually makes me feel better. if it happened 50 years ago and the world didn't end the odds are on our side, right?

Friday, January 05, 2007


i spend most of my day watching the clock turn and waiting to go home. today my intrepid co-workers and i completed a years worth of training modules. and we still finished before lunch. apparently they expect us to know what kind of gun is holding us up. unlikely. the boyfriend and i are heading to NH this weekend. for the family christmas that never was because of the weather. and tax free shopping. and liquor. we have the best stocked liquor cabinet of any teetotallers i know. i feel the most intense need to ply my guests with liquor in the winter, so they won't notice all the nothing there is to do. not that you need more than good food and drinks when friends visit. and trivial pursuit 80's. which is worthwile for the love-a-lot bear game piece alone. i'm thinking this month is going to be another difficult one for weight reduction. one weekend home another week with friends. i really can't hide my excitement. i love having people to cook for and i don't want to spend the whole time worrying about what i'm eating. i might have to face the realities of a maintain before i set myself up for a disappointment. this is definitely a time to be joyful rather than guilty. mantra mantra mantra.


i spend most of my day watching the clock turn and waiting to go home. today my intrepid co-workers and i completed a years worth of training modules. and we still finished before lunch. apparently they expect us to know what kind of gun is holding us up. unlikely.

the boyfriend and i are heading to NH this weekend. for the family christmas that never was because of the weather. and tax free shopping. and liquor. we have the best stocked liquor cabinet of any teetotallers i know. i feel the most intense need to ply my guests with liquor in the winter, so they won't notice all the nothing there is to do. not that you need more than good food and drinks when friends visit. and trivial pursuit 80's. which is worthwile for the love-a-lot bear game piece alone.

i'm thinking this month is going to be another difficult one for weight reduction. one weekend home another week with friends. i really can't hide my excitement. i love having people to cook for and i don't want to spend the whole time worrying about what i'm eating. i might have to face the realities of a maintain before i set myself up for a disappointment. this is definitely a time to be joyful rather than guilty. mantra mantra mantra.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

carpal who?

i spent hours this morning rearranging my work area so my right arm won't fall off. it's amazingly difficult to use the mouse with my left hand but i'm getting better. since i won't fork up the money for actual medical care, the least i can do is be ergonomically correct.

i've been weighing in between 174-175 the last few days. i'm not terribly surprised as it's taken a while to get back to my routine. what amazes me is how much better i feel when i do the routine things. i don't always remember that, but i'm trying to and that's all i can do really. i've been noticing a too free hand with my daily tea and sugar intake. so i've gone back to the pre-measured packets. it's amazing how the little things add up like that. i'm determined to set things right before it becomes an issue.

on that note i need to re-set my exercise button. in that i haven't done any since october. i had a good plan set up wherein i got to work early and did a half hour tour of town. when it started to get arctic (which has since receded to sub-tropical. the end is totally nigh) i got a little disheartened and limited myself to the short walk i could take at lunch between training duties. and now it's gorgeous and we're full staffed and i could totally be walking all the time, i'm not. i'm sitting on my ass eating granola. so why? even if i get back on my oatmeal regime, i won't lose another twenty pounds in 2007 if i don't get off my arse.

i'm planning to have atleast one good walking session, one stepping session and one pilates session a week. and hopefully i won't do it all on saturday because i'm a lazy bum all week. i'm sure i should be planning to do more, but i'll never stick it. i'll plan to do these three and hope i do more but i won't expect to. i also want to look into what the bank will be buying me for fitness equiptment this year. i really want a treadmill but the reality is i have no room for one. for me to have a chance of using it regularly, it would need to be near a tv. probably it would be worth it to buy a cheap 2nd tv and make an exercise area someplace...but doesn't that sound like a lot of work?

i have to do something and i have a little bit of money to help me out, i guess i have to do some research and see what would be the best use of the money. back to basics: don't eat everything in your house, move your ass, stop feeling quilty because it just makes you depressed. i think i'll have that last one stencilled on my walls.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


i can't think of anything great i want to say about 2006. i never really set goals (nothing reasonable anyway) and i haven't reached the end of my official year yet. i figure i have about three weeks left to get back into my routine and maybe keep a steady 173 or 172. today i'm at 174. but i really think i can do a pound or two more before mon anniversaire. i'm going to try. and if it doesn't happen...i have another year. i would be happy to lose another 20 pounds, even if it takes another year...if i can keep it off.

see how reasonable i am. and patient. and not at all freaking out about how long this whole damn thing takes? that's because i'm channelling all of my freak into my finances. i'm starting my whole budget over. it really worked last year until i "trusted" myself. clearly, i'm not trustworthy. and i don't deserve to earn cash back. so from now until a. we move or b. i get the fark out of debt...i am an all cash amy.

i wrote before about missing out on some financial goals i wanted to hit. but i completely neglected the fact that i have not made one purchase this year that was left on credit. i may have used my discover card with less thrift than i ought, i paid the bugger off every month. that's an accomplishment. i have paid off almost three quarters of the debt i started this year with and have an actual savings account for actual emergencies that aren't paying the rent. i went down a dress size. i can button jackets i used to leave open for "the style"...ah huh.

so i'm starting 2007 knowing that i will be out of debt this year, that i will continue to do my best to lose another 20 pounds, and that i've used my yearly quota of these ... grammatically insipid writing devices. and maybe i'll find out if i can start baking for fun and profit. maybe.