Ok, when I was fat. That was the note I made for myself for a post. Yeah, great, I have no idea where I was going with that. It's maybe a little broad. There are so many things I could say about when I was fatter like I had no idea what I really looked like and I still don't, I had no idea how to take care of my body exercising and stretching, I had no idea what was an ok treat and what was a continuing nutritional problem. I'm going to roll with that last one because it's part of my current project.
Every once in a while I pop into Spark and see what my calories and protein and fiber all look like, it's educational. I don't go every day and maybe I should but sometimes when I'm there I check out their menus. I almost always look at them and think no way, no way could I do that. Yesterday I printed it out, a week's worth actually, to see what I could do with it. It's set to be 1200-1500 calories and most of the days look like too much food to me. I've been thinking about that and I don't think I was under-eating calories all this time, I just wasn't eating the right calories.
Take last night for instance, we're having a sort of a brownie overstock problem at our house so I've been feeding them to Matt four at a time. I was heating one up for a sundae for him and I remember the last time I made brownies I made myself a lot of sundaes. It didn't make me fatter so I sort of let it go like it was ok. Eating 1000 good calories and a brownie sundae or a cookie or whatever maybe isn't the best way to go. I think I let myself get comfortable. Using the Spark menus makes me a little uncomfortable but I don't think doing it for a week will kill me. I think it will be good for me to plan satiating meals at regular intervals as much as I've liked intuitive eating in the past. Intuitively eating cake and brownies wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be. I want to think it was great fun to eat like that but actually it sucked so maybe doing the thing I think will suck will rock and I'll be a changed woman after that week.
The thing is which week? I'm working out the kinks and substitutions this week. I went all around my house writing down calories and fat and protein for the products and foods I actually eat, putting in the organic yogurt for the Yoplait and the like. Some of the things I can implement now like throwing half a cup of chickpeas in my salad, that's easy. Next week being Christmas I think it might be too difficult to do all of these things at my dad's, I'll just have to do my own best thing. That leaves the week of New Years to actually give it a whirl. The dread week of resolutions yet to sour.
I always think I don't like structure but the truth is that it's never not worked for me and when did having a plan and sticking to it become an unworthy goal? I'm feeling all rutty so it's time to do something different. Actually do it instead of just saying I will. I always keep a little notebook with me so I can write myself indecipherable notes for blogs posts. I think I'll make a list every day of meals, exercise, errands and see how things really look at the end. If anal is how I need to be to get'r done then that's what I should be.