10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

rebel without a donut

this morning i couldn't find my favorite belt. i'm still a little sad about it because the one i'm wearing instead does nothing for the outfit and i'm trying to wear my clothes more effectively. the missing belt is perfect, especially for slimming, because it doesn't have holes. it's a cinch buckle (it sounds like it could be the technical term for it) so you just move it where it should be and in a cinch, you're belted. it suits my current mood for using my wardrobe more effectively and i'm going to tear my house apart looking for it when i get home.

i'm going through a belt phase, especially the wide hip hugging belts. i have a few of those i bought on the cheap in various places and i'm slowly trying to build a season one bones look (i can find no pictures of the gorgeous belt/skirt combos from the series, i'm all for hearing about it if you know what i'm talking about). i've had one or two that i love for months that i haven't worn. whenever i put it on i feel like i'm not projecting the emily deschanel image in my mind and i end up changing. but then last week i decided that i need to wear the things i buy and enjoy them, or get rid of them. i wore two belts with two skirts and got belt specific compliments each day. i'm very slowly learning to get over myself and just be what i want to be and wear what i want to wear, the confidence is what shows more than the clothes and it only took me 26 years to figure that out.

i've been going through my wardrobe a lot lately because i'm feeling cluttered. the clothes really don't take up that much space, but the volume is keeping me from wearing my best things because i simply forget about them when they're at the back of the shelf. last week, in addition to belt week, i made a very serious effort to wear my "bare leg" skirts because time is against me weatherwise. i'd love not to fit these sizes next year so i'm trying to get the most out of things, but to do that i have to wear them. that thirty dollar skirt from the gap that i've worn five times, yeah, i need to wear that every day this week to get my moneys' worth.

speaking of money and worth, remember that cooking class? i was so excited about that and it started monday without me. i pre-registered like the good student i am and somehow they lost me. but the story doesn't end there because i called and they immediately let me enter the already full class. and then, friday, as i checked the time and place i noticed the fine print fee of $40 per class. i'm astonished that i missed that the first time around because my life is all about money and fine print, but miss it i did. so i lied, made up an excuse and got myself taken off the list. i just do not have an extra $200 right now. matt was upset that i didn't talk to him about it first, he wanted to make it a birthday gift for me.

the truth is that neither of us has that money hanging around and i especially need to be making good money decisions right now. i'm not feeling great about my money situation at present. in reality things are fine and i'm not headed for debtor's prison, but i'm feeling stressed about it and that's not good for any of my current goals. it's a very real fear that i could be broke and sad and fat again if things get too out of control and it's taken me a few weeks to work through it. i'm not completely off the cliff with it, but i'm feeling better. saying it out loud makes me feel better. i couldn't do that two weeks ago, i was literally too afraid that i would be tempting fate and things would come crashing down. i'm just not sure how much more living in a holding pattern i can take this year.


pinky pinkerson said...

The Deschanel sisters are seriously beautiful. You could do worse than to emulate them.

In other news, I feel big like a house and lonely. And the house is only getting bigger!

Amy said...

you must be getting close! are you excited?

pinky pinkerson said...

Heh - I'm due in March - I have miles to go before I um...won't be sleeping. I just bought my first maternity pants, which was a very strange experience.

Amy said...

wow, you do have miles to go. atleast it won't be high summer when you're full term, that wouldn't be fun. (i had originally written atleast you won't be really hot when you're full term and we know pregnant ladies are sizzlin' hot all the time so i had to re-write it, obviously)