it has come to my attention that i have almost a literal ton of chocolate in my house, but no chocolate chips. i tried to make cookies for the boyfriend last night and whooops! no chocolate chips. i have three bags of walnuts and 7 or 8 bags of white chocolate chips and 6 bags of mint chocolate chips, but no actual chocolate chips. it was less a baking quandry than an episode of shock. i don't live the kind of life that runs out of chocolate chips. i ended up chopping up a dark chocolate bar. ghirardelli. and the boy complained. actually i guess he didn't but he requested genuine chips next time when the chocolate i used is so much better. i'm going to have to beat him with a copy of gourmet when i get home.
i'm sort of thrilled with the amount of chocolate in my house. in the way that it's behind a cupboard door and i forget that it's there 99% of the time. i love that. when i was home this weekend i noticed myself doing something that i hardly do at my house. opening the fridge and every cabinet just to see what's there, what you could eat if you just reached in and took it. it was a pretty horrible eating weekend with my sister wanting all her favorites you can't get in slovakia. i always know that going home screws up the way i eat, this weekend just felt particularly bad. particularly gross. eating pizza and chinese and ben and jerry's all in one day really made me feel ill. to no one's surprise. the surprise is that no one else felt ill at all. either my family is used to feeling ill or they're used to eating gross food. or both.
it was a good lesson at a good time. i haven't been trying very hard lately. my knee still clicks and i haven't run for weeks and weeks. the meals i prepare are still healthy 90% of the time but i've definitely had more snacks around lately. a cookie here and there, caramel popcorn, regular popcorn. much more "junk food" than i'm used to and i really don't feel that great as a result. tired and lazy. it's also hot, and sticky and things have been a little crazy. i think it will be legitimately worth my while if i get my shit together and eat real food. i can't say i was proud of the choices i made this weekend, i had the power to eat different foods than the rest of my family. i had money and a car and a kitchen to cook in, i just didn't. i am a little proud that we don't eat like that. i'm proud that a weekend with my family made me feel ill. woohoo! it's times like these i know i would benefit from psychiatric intervention.