i'm still cranky. hi! how are you? i'm thinking it's a good thing i still have movie candy. it's good for the soul. do i mean that literally? of course not. could i if i wanted to, sure. i guess i'm having some issues with black and white lately. not everything means something. not every day is indicative of the rest of your life. i really don't think that getting this wisdom tooth pulled out is going to ruin my slimming prospects eternally so no one needs to worry that i'm going to jump off a cliff. maybe it's just a strange email sort of a week. it's july, it must be the heat.
while eating pudding and ice cream might give me another week of maintaining, i'm just not that worried about it. the great idea behind two weeks on and two weeks maintaining was that it put me in the driver's seat to getting this whole thing the hell over with. i know i can do anything for two weeks and i know i can maintain well. i should've been doing that the whole time. shame i haven't got a time machine. or common sense. oh well, being fat hasn't killed me yet and it's unlikely that it will any time soon.
life goes on and i hardly ever jump in front of a bus because i'm not wearing a ten yet. i do want this to be over with. i want to stop thinking about it all the time. i want it to just be my life and not a project i'm working on. overall i consider myself lucky to be where i am. i could be thinner and running marathons and wearing smaller clothes, or i could be 300 pounds and my soul crushed by depression. i'm damn lucky to be where i am. small changes work for me. regular exercise and going vegetarian and using pre-measured sugar packets...it all works for me. but it might not have. i might have never got things turned around. i might have been licking the cream out of oreos right now. i know i'm lucky and i know that things are going to be ok. i'm never going to think i'm worth so little that i treat myself that badly again. i'm just not. i know it in my currently candy filled soul.