"I'm nearly out of money. I've never had to afford things before and it's making me bitter."

yesterday i had the strongest desire to go shopping. and then eat a pizza. my knee was hurting last night, not the clicky one...the other one, and i thought "gee, isn't that strange". this morning i got up early to go for a walk, like every other day, but i stepped on the scale and it said 170 and then i had to take a nap. and it took me until RIGHT NOW to pull out my calendar and put it all together. i was really pissed about that 170 after yesterday's 168. now i'm not so upset, just sort of resigned to the fluctuation and hoping it'll pass in a few days.

i thought the shopping and the pizza were money worry related. the sort of spiralling out of control that happens when you realize you owe your sister a cars' worth of money and she'll be visiting in a month. heh. in this new light i'm pretty impressed with the way i'm dealing with the money and the owing. i knew this could happen and i knew i could get the money together if i really had to. and now i do really have to and it will be ok. mildly stressful, but in the end i'll really be done owing people money. completely done. i can't think of anything better than that. so many things are coming together right now, i hardly know what to make of it. i never thought i'd be so pleased to give someone such a large sum of money, but i truly am. it's wonderful to be so in control and moving forward. things would be perfect if i just had some chocolate.