last night i had way too much pie. technically it was only the one piece, but i totally should have stopped at half. it was just so pie-y. chocolate bourbon pecan with homemade whipped cream. and if i ever figure out how to make it you'll never hear from me again because i'll be at home rolling on the floor and drooling for the rest of my life. unfortunately for me last night, when i ate all the pie, i went to bed full of the pie and there was too much pie. i dreamed of overeating and being uncomfortable and it ended with matt handing me a piece of toast and me trying to take one more bite and there just wasn't room. i've had a dream or two about food, but not like that. that was frightening, i can still taste the toast. no more excess pie before bed for me, i can't take the consequences to my subconscious.
fortunately for me there weren't any consequences for my ass. still 168. which means another two pound loss this week. and i'm not even going to mention how much i like losing two pounds a week. i wouldn't want to jinx anything or appear hopelessly optomistic. so i won't say anything about it. at all. see? discretion be my name. (two pounds a week...tehehehe) (cough)
in adult land i have all these decisions to make at the moment. the health insurance debate is rearing it's ugly head again. since i had no major, or even minor really, medical matters this year i'm going to stick to the high deductible. the self insuring i talked about last may. the extra money made a lot of things possible. things that, i think, make me a healthier person. i'm less stressed, less fat, and more active than i was last year. i have doubts that i would be in this much control of my life without that extra money. money i was only paying out of fear of the unknown. is it a bit too much to say that i don't fear the unknown anymore because i got backed into a corner over health insurance? probably. but it was a big personal step that opened a lot of doors for me. it was a little thing that made me realize i can face what comes and i don't have to work to prevent bad things from happening to me. i can save my effort to make good things happen to me and just enjoy them without fear. that's all, enjoying without fear. maybe i should write to hr and let her know that while everyone else feels fucked by last years cost cutting, it works for me. i bet she'd liked that.