173.5. or so says i, since i don't have a decimal scale. it's part of my honesty now! program. the scale bopped somewhere between the 3 and the 4 this morning and to say there wasn't a slight gain would not be very honest. because there was cake last night. and olive garden bread sticks and spaghetti. i would be lying if i said a night of eating like that wouldn't have consequences.
i know i can make up for it this week. i can skip a snack and take an extra walk, but the best i can hope is that i'll be back to 171 in time for the next birthday dinner out this weekend. the score is that right now i'm doing just enough to maintain. i know i said it was easy a bit ago and i've been thinking i was pretty stupid to have put that in writing. the fact that i don't dwell on is that i still think it is easy. i know exactly what i have to do every day to lose and maintain to the lower 170's. i want to tell myself it's hard and that it's ok that i have been writing the same posts about the low 170's for a very long time. when it's not ok and there is no excuse.
bear with me as i talk about march some more. i thought march was the end of bad. i thought i would show april who was boss. you know what the date is today, april 24th. i'm running out of time to kick some ass in april. march was unpleasant, april is downright embarrassing. i refuse to drag may into it because it'll be a never ending calendar conundrum, but something has to give soon. i need to accept the fact that i'm not working very hard to make good things happen for me.
on the one hand, i'm pretty proud of the work i've been putting into my diet. i'm planning and preparing healthier foods, and eating more vegetables and fruit than i have in a long time. those are all good things. but i'm not exercising enough and a few more minutes walking every morning isn't enough to go from maintaining to losing. there needs to be more sweat in my life. which makes me think i need to take a more serious look at my finances in order to purchase a treadmill, sooner rather than later. it was something i wanted to do in the future, when i had a little more money. honestly though, i don't know how much longer i can take feeling like a failure. i think it's worth it to give it a try. and since they spotted the first mountain lions near the house, running outside is even less an option. i can't out run the lazy sun bathing cat i live with, i don't stand a chance with the wild ones.