"Unbelievable. 'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead.' Americans."

you spend one day at home with your belongings that seem to reproduce like rabbits and you miss getting reviewed by calorie lab. bummer. i can't say i don't like seeing myself quoted. looking at my statcounter makes me feel all tingly. just sometimes when i see things i wrote last year i have this feeling that they've made it cooler or funnier or somehow more worthy of reproduction. me from last year is so different than me of this year. i guess i have a supremely short term memory. like goldfish.

what news? back to 170. i'm relieved about that. it was worrying me a little that the scale was going up. especially as i felt so buff. whiny. but buff. i didn't have any trouble carrying all of that heavy stuff and now i feel accomplished. i'm not quite done but i'm ready for a little self appreciation.

speaking of which, maybe, i found some old size 12 jeans. from college. i haven't gotten to try them on yet but i'm hoping that some of them fit. or will fit soon. i'm not sure where i stand in pants sizes right now. the jeans of enlightenment don't fit quite right yet. but all my 14's are laughably big. hammer pants big. the old jeans will be telling. i'd like to know how close i am to my college body (which i have promised myself to appreciate this time). the one problem is the lack of vanity sizing from 5 years ago meaning they might be actual 12's. maybe i'll get lucky and they'll be stretched.

i haven't heard back about the thyroid thing yet. i've made a note to call the doctor this afternoon. it's lucky for them i've been preoccupied. there is some feral part of me emerging that really wants this thyroid thing to make a difference. 98% of me is capable of doing the right things and waiting patiently but that 2% is ready for a big change now. nower. yesterday. last week actually. not that i've been daydreaming about it or anything.

i'll be back with more salivation if i get news from the medical profession. if anyone understands how i feel, i know this community will.