"i hate almost all rich people, but i think i'd be darling at it."

that is to say that i've been spending a lot of money on myself lately. i've spent more time on amazon these last few weeks than i have in my whole life. i'm almost sure. yesterday i ordered some perfume (versace: bright crystal...mmm), i just got my almost full set of hardback harry potters in the mail, and i have a few books set to ship on their release dates. oh, and expensive jeans and new bras and, oh yeah, a new pair of shoes. i'm feeling sort of guilty about it...although it really doesn't cause a financial crisis. everything will be entered into the budget. accounted for. analyzed and immortalized in excel.

the perfume is much cheaper than in the one store i where i could walk in and buy it, if it weren't out of stock for the last month. the release date books (some ian rankin, not all rowling) are also cheaper than i can pick them up at borders, plus they'll show up free of charge instead of using two hours worth of gas. i have to accept that some new clothes are necessary, sometimes, and apparently shoes too. lastly, the 5 hardback harry potters, well that's just pure indulgence. i have them all in paperback. but i'm an ocd freak and it's really important to me that my set matches. so the 7th book will feel welcome when it arrives. you don't have to tell me, i know i'm a dork.

i've boiled it down to two probable causes. a) i'm jumping the gun on moving (psst...boiler man coming thursday. heat rocks!). which will make me comparatively rich and i can stop torturing myself over every cent (i picked up some* 2 cent cans of tomatoes this weekend...spaghetti forever...). or b) i'm filling the void where overeating and depression used to be. with shopping. i'm having a hard time deciding. defintely the poverty was a contributing factor to the depression. and the horrible nutritional choices. but i had thought i got over most of the emotional spending problem. i still think i have.

example: i've wanted the hp series in hardcover for ages and i've waited a damn long time to buy it for myself. why, i'm rational enough to know that i don't need them to survive and that they'll still be there when i have/had the extra money. see, that's healthy. also healthy...i'm not out buying tons of new stuff for the new house. i know i'll need something for a closet and curtains and probably even more closet/storage thingies. but i'm waiting. i'm looking around incase some great deal pops up but pretty much target will have the same plywood stuff i already own when i'm ready to buy it. i'm doubting there will be a plywood shortage.

probably it's something of both. it's actually sort of great to feel deserving and validated in spending a little. and not nauseas. as sometimes happens. i always thought that the new wardrobe i'd need would be my "reward" in this weightloss scenario. sort of inevitably. maybe taking an interest in my self again is the real reward.


*read 9. i'm a double coupon whore and i like it.