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10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

"Raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun: You're never gonna get the good stuff."

i'm a hypocrite of my last post and it only took me a day. i went to the mall and bought the size 12 jeans last night. for full price. take that controlling my personal finances. the thing is that i went home and changed out of my work clothes (which miraculously still look ok 20 pounds later?) and put on some jeans. some size 14 jeans i bought a month ago and have hardly worn (see emotional attachment to baggy size 16's) and are now too big. the waist is workable with a belt but the ass. oh, the ass. there is no ass. there is only denim. tent like denim. so i went and picked up the 12's.

i drove an hour both ways for no reason other than to buy a pair of jeans that cost more than my monthly clothing budget and don't actually fit well enough to wear out of the house. i spent that whole saturday telling myself that cute clothes would be there when they fit me and when i have the money. and it was fine. i was just happy to see the progress. really. and then i went home last night and put on my brand new tent ass jeans and i guess i sort of snapped. on the one hand i have to remember that this is a work in progress and the rewards will be there when i'm ready. on the other i feel like all this work is worthless if i still hate the way i look.

can you tell that i still feel guilty. that the guilt is oozing out of my pores. i'm secretly hoping that the shipment of underwires winging their way to my door don't fit so i can recoup the money for this months budget. i'm also painfully relieved that there is some strange 90 day return policy at the gap this month. i have 90 days to fit into those jeans. i want to write a letter but i hardly think they'll appreciate thanks from someone so grateful to return their merchandise.

on the fat front the scale read 174 again this morning. so i'll be working on returning to 171. and holding there. that's the new issue, maintaining a few pounds at a time. i've bounced back up from 171 to 174 a few times and it's getting old. i get lazy, or someone visits, or i visit my family and i lose my ability to maintain. i know i can do better than that. i know the difference between one occasional indulgence and constant indulgences i'm just not putting it into practice as well as i could be. something to work on.

5 comments:

pinky pinkerson said...

dude.

if you are shortish, I can send you MY size 12 gap jeans. lord knows i may never fit into them again.

Amy said...

if you'd like to negotiate a trade i've got a slew of 14's. washed once, worn NEVER. they mock me with their newness. they're old navy and yes, they're short...or ankle, whatever they call it because i'll never have long enough legs for regular. sadly.

lovelines said...

if it makes you feel better, i've had a pair of size 30 jeans in my closet for about a month now. and they only cost, oh, about a hundred.

i just keep telling myself that it'll all be worth it, when they finally fit well enough that i can wear them in public.

metamorphose said...

I bought a pair of jeans from the Gap -about the same price -and sadly, my thighs have rubbed huge holes down the inside. It really hurts my feelings.

I bought a pair of pants that I could barely fit into last summer -I fit into them now. I think it's good motivation. Don't beat yourself up over the price -and besides, if you're like me, I wear jeans a few times before washing them, and they get a little baggier -which may be false self sizing, but it makes me feel better.

Amy said...

i read something about jeans yesterday that i really loved. it was an article about this flash jeans store and one of the owners said "women spend hundreds of dollars on dresses they wear one time, but regret spending money on jeans when they wear them every day." that's so right. it must be in our DNA to suffer most of the time to revel once in a while. why not enjoy something everyday?

i hope that makes everyone feel better!