means to an end? i guess we'll see. it's so interesting to see what brings out the comments, apparently the cola war is all consuming. i love pinky's Triumverate Of Evil. it's so true how some food information sticks out in the mind. i will forever feel guilty every time i'm offered wheat bread and refuse. i know it's supposed to be better for you, we're beaten over the head by it. but i hate it. with a passion that burns like one thousand suns. i've never liked it and i never will, but when i choose rye or white over wheat i always feel like the waitress is judging me. it's another one of those moments when you have to remember that the only person agonizing over your bread choice is you.
i've been thinking about the calorie counting thing lately. to go along with my journaling. that rings so loudly of a genuine diet that it scares me. but i'm almost interested enough in my daily caloric consumption to do the math. almost. i'm trying to talk myself into looking at it like a science experiment, anything but being a "dieter". i hate that word. i hate the images it brings to my mind of my mom dieting. she did one that was all grapefruit and one that was all ice cream. to be the person who came up with the ice cream diet would have to be like a religious experience. but then sometimes i think my mom made it up because she liked ice cream.
so i've been using the word lately. trying to get comfortable with it, but it's work. i suppose that is the most obvious way of looking at what i'm trying to do for myself. but that's not what it means to me. i'm trying to change my life and change my habits. it's not just about losing a few pounds for an outfit or an event like you might with a diet. that's part of my issue with diet foods. i'm not going to eat diet foods forever, i'm just not. i buy reduced fat when i can, dairy products mostly. it's a perfectly natural process of removing the fat from the milk and they've done it since ever. but i refuse to buy any product that lists anal leakage on the facts panel to save a few calories. it's just not worth it to me.
it is worth it to me to eat dessert sometimes, and have soda sometimes and to put sugar in my cheerios once in a while. these choices aren't going to get me a size 10 ass. i know it and i live with it. maybe sharing tiramisu with the boyfriend isn't going to make me as happy in the long run as being fit and buying smaller sizes might. but i could get hit by a cloven hooved woman from new jersey tomorrow. life expectancies are significantly lower in the summer in bar harbor and i'd hate to die without properly romancing the boyfriend. it wouldn't be right.