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10 pounds down 32 pounds to go!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

185

i'm sitting here staring at the screen, trying to think of something original to say about being a fat girl and all i've got right now is...i'm hungry. the irony, it's practically screaming. and running around naked. and in talks to host saturday night live.

oooh, someone's bitter today. it's been blah in the fat world lately. for me anyway. i'm in fat limbo. while i was visiting my best friend in philadelphia, i made her feel my muscles. she was very impressed. so impressed that she slapped my ass repeatedly to show me it doesn't jiggle. now that's a close relationship. it's got me thinking though, what the hell are my goals again? since i backtrack so much, my life is less a journey and more a game of hopscotch.

so i've been reading through melissa's archives. that's relevant because she didn't eat as a teenager and has struggled with her weight throughout her life. every time i read her words about this i want to hug her and tell her she's ok. i really don't believe that thinness is a make or break for success in life. this whole weightloss thing is so complicated for me. i'm at once trying to tell myself i'm ok and also telling myself to make better choices.

i know i've talked about this before, because it's a running stream in my head. i know exactly what i need to be doing to get the results i want and yet i'm hardly getting anywhere. is it some kind of self destruction that i can't resist or am i still grappling with the freedom i gave myself on vacation. the kicker is i've been buying myself clothes. i hadn't been doing that because i was holding out for smaller sizes. what does my subconcious know that it's not letting me in on? how are you folks doing?

2 comments:

SLEM said...

Good for you buying clothes...I've been buying clothes all along....I do buy them a little tight, not much just enuff to make me want to work that much harder to get the fat off...and they are all starting to look really good on me now...And It feels sooo good...
I think you have to treat yourself on the way and not wait till that "magic" day when you are the size you want to be..
In fact right now in my closet I have a couple of really cute outfits that I bought on sale that are to small for me now but I know that I will be in them someday...
Hang in there girl..we all have those days we question...What the Hell am I doing?
Sue

Amy said...

Thanks for the support!