last night we spent a few hours in front the tv, playing with the cat and drinking. and me staring at my arms. maybe it was the drink making me sentimental, but damn are they fat. i really didn't need to look at them for hours in a mirror. it's depressing.
i had a nice long walk this morning before work. i was surrounded by skinny people running. skinny summer people. in yale crew shirts or head to toe patagonia. even more depressing. so the week of debauchery is almost over and the shoulder is actually starting to feel better. so, running tomorrow. i'm looking forward to it. no, really. i might actually be getting to the point where i am happy with my body and i want to keep up with the running out of enjoyment.
i know it doesn't sound that way when i started this lamenting the state of my arms, but i'm almost certain i mean it. i've been happily wearing all of my naked clothes and i didn't kill the boyfriend for squeezing my tummy in front of his family (my god, someone might notice i'm fat. AND THEY'D NEVER HAVE NOTICED OTHERWISE!). i really think that's progress. for me anyway.
back to meal planning next week. back to salads for lunch and lean protein for dinner. back to the relative discipline i had in january. hello to journaling. like on paper. it helps with the spending, surely it'll help with this too. hopefully.